名著·傲慢与偏见 - 第50节


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  “达西先生,倘若你有礼貌一些,我拒绝了你以后,也许会觉得过意不去,除此以外,倘若你以为这样向我表白一下,会在我身上起别的作用,那你可想错了。”

   She saw him start at this, but he said nothing, and she continued,

  他听到这番话,吃了一惊,可是没有说什么,于是她又接着说下去:

   "You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it."

  “你用尽一切办法,也不能打动我的心,叫我接受你的求婚。”

   Again his astonishment was obvious; and he looked at her with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification. She went on.

  他又显出很惊讶的样子,他带着痛苦和诧异的神气望着她。她继续说下去:

   "From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation, on which succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry."

  “从开头认识你的时候起,几乎可以说,从认识你的那一刹那起,你的举止行动,就使我觉得你十足狂妄自大、自私自利、看不起别人,我对你不满的原因就在这里,以后又有了许许多多事情,使我对你深恶痛绝;我还没有认识你一个月,就觉得象你这样一个人,哪怕天下男人都死光了,我也不愿意嫁给你。”

  “你说得够了,小姐,我完全理解你的心情,现在我只有对我自己那些顾虑感到羞耻。请原谅我耽搁了你这么多时间,请允许我极其诚恳地祝你健康和幸福。”

   And with these words he hastily left the room, and Elizabeth heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the house.

  他说了这几句话,便匆匆走出房间。隔了一忽儿,伊丽莎白就听到他打开大门走了。

   The tumult of her mind was now painfully great. She knew not how to support herself, and from actual weakness sat down and cried for half an hour. Her astonishment, as she reflected on what had passed, was increased by every review of it. That she should receive an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy! that he should have been in love with her for so many months! so much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had made him prevent his friend's marrying her sister, and which must appear at least with equal force in his own case, was almost incredible! It was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so strong an affection. But his pride, his abominable pride, his shameless avowal of what he had done with respect to Jane, his unpardonable assurance in acknowledging, though he could not justify it, and the unfeeling manner in which he had mentioned Mr. Wickham, his cruelty towards whom he had not attempted to deny, soon overcame the pity which the consideration of his attachment had for a moment excited.

  她心里纷乱无比。她不知道臬撑住自己,她非常软弱无力,便坐在那儿哭了半个钟头。她回想到刚才的一幕,越想越觉得奇怪。达西先生竟会向她求婚,他竟会爱上她好几个月了!竟会那样地爱她,要和她结婚,不管她有多少缺点,何况她自己的姐姐正是由于这些缺点而受到他的阻挠,不能跟他朋友结婚,何况这些缺点对他至少具有同样的影响──这真是一件不可思议的事!一个人能在不知不觉中博得别人这样热烈的爱慕,也足够自慰了。可是他的傲慢,他那可恶的傲慢,他居然恬不知耻地招认他自己是怎样破坏了吉英的好事,他招认的时候虽然并不能自圆其说,可是叫人难以原谅的是他那种自以为是的神气,还有他提到韦翰先生时那种无动于中的态度,他一点儿也不打算否认对待韦翰的残酷──一想到这些事,纵使她一时之间也曾因为体谅到他一番恋情而触动了怜悯的心肠,这时候连丝毫的怜悯也完全给抵消了。

   She continued in very agitating reflections till the sound of Lady Catherine's carriage made her feel how unequal she was to encounter Charlotte's observation, and hurried her away to her room.

  她这样回肠百转地左思右想,直到后来听得咖苔琳夫人的马车声,她才感觉到自己这副模样儿见不得夏绿蒂,便匆匆回到自己房里去。

   Elizabeth awoke the next morning to the same thoughts and meditations which had at length closed her eyes. She could not yet recover from the surprise of what had happened; it was impossible to think of any thing else, and, totally indisposed for employment, she resolved soon after breakfast to indulge herself in air and exercise. She was proceeding directly to her favourite walk, when the recollection of Mr. Darcy's sometimes coming there stopped her, and instead of entering the park, she turned up the lane which led her farther from the turnpike road. The park paling was still the boundary on one side, and she soon passed one of the gates into the ground.

  伊丽莎白昨夜一直深思默想到合上眼睛为止,今天一大早醒来,心头又涌起了这些深思默想。她仍然对那桩事感到诧异,无法想到别的事情上去;她根本无心做事,于是决定一吃过早饭就出去好好地透透空气,散散步。她正想往那条心爱的走道上走走去,忽然想到达西先生有时候也上那儿来,于是便住了步。她没有进花园,却走上那条小路,以便和那条有栅门的大路隔得远些。她仍旧沿着花园的围栅走,不久便走过了一道园门。

  她沿着这一段小路来回走了两三遍,禁不住被那清晨的美景吸引得在园门前停住了,朝园里望望。她到肯特五个星期以来,乡村里已经有了很大的变化,早青的树一天比一天绿了。她正要继续走下去,忽然看到花园旁的小林子里有一个男人正朝这儿走来;她怕是达西先生,便立刻往回走。但是那人已经走得很近,可以看得见她了;只见那人急急忙忙往前跑,一面还叫着她的名字。她本来已经掉过头来走开,一听到有人叫她的名字,虽然明知是达西先生,也只得走回到园门边来。达西这时候也已经来到园门口,拿出一封信递给她,她不由自主地收下了。他带着一脸傲慢而从容的神气说道:“我已经在林子里踱了好一会儿,希望碰到你,请你赏个脸,看看这封信,好不好?”于是他微微鞠了一躬,重新踅进草木丛中,立刻就不见了。

   With no expectation of pleasure, but with the strongest curiosity, Elizabeth opened the letter, and, to her still increasing wonder, perceived an envelope containing two sheets of letter paper, written quite through, in a very close hand. -- The envelope itself was likewise full. -- Pursuing her way along the lane, she then began it. It was dated from Rosings, at eight o'clock in the morning, and was as follows:

  伊丽莎白拆开那封信;这是为了好奇,并不是希望从中获得什么愉快。使她更惊奇的是,信封里装着两张信纸,以细致的笔迹写得密密麻麻。信封上也写满了字。她一面沿着小路走,一面开始读信。信是早上八点钟在罗新斯写的,内容如下:

   "Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you. I write without any intention of paining you, or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes, which, for the happiness of both, cannot be too soon forgotten; and the effort which the formation and the perusal of this letter must occasion should have been spared, had not my character required it to be written and read. You must, therefore, pardon the freedom with which I demand your attention; your feelings, I know, will bestow it unwillingly, but I demand it of your justice.

  小姐:接到这封信时,请你不必害怕。既然昨天晚上向你诉情和求婚,结果只有使你极其厌恶,我自然不会又在这封信里旧事重提。我曾经衷心地希望我们双方会幸福,可是我不想在这封信里再提到这些,免得使你痛苦,使我自己受委屈。我所以要写这封信,写了又要劳你的神去读,这无非是拗不过自己的性格,否则便可以双方省事,免得我写你读。因此你得原谅我那么冒昧地亵渎你的清神,我知道你决不会愿意劳神的,可是我要求你心平气和一些。

   Two offences of a very different nature, and by no means of equal magnitude, you last night laid to my charge. The first mentioned was, that, regardless of the sentiments of either, I had detached Mr. Bingley from your sister; -- and the other, that I had, in defiance of various claims, in defiance of honour and humanity, ruined the immediate prosperity, and blasted the prospects of Mr. Wickham. -- Wilfully and wantonly to have thrown off the companion of my youth, the acknowledged favourite of my father, a young man who had scarcely any other dependence than on our patronage, and who had been brought up to expect its exertion, would be a depravity to which the separation of two young persons, whose affection could be the growth of only a few weeks, could bear no comparison. -- But from the severity of that blame which was last night so liberally bestowed, respecting each circumstance, I shall hope to be in future secured, when the following account of my actions and their motives has been read. -- If, in the explanation of them which is due to myself, I am under the necessity of relating feelings which may be offensive to your's, I can only say that I am sorry. -- The necessity must be obeyed -- and farther apology would be absurd. -- I had not been long in Hertfordshire, before I saw, in common with others, that Bingley preferred your eldest sister to any other young woman in the country. -- But it was not till the evening of the dance at Netherfield that I had any apprehension of his feeling a serious attachment. -- I had often seen him in love before. -- At that ball, while I had the honour of dancing with you, I was first made acquainted, by Sir William Lucas's accidental information, that Bingley's attentions to your sister had given rise to a general expectation of their marriage. He spoke of it as a certain event, of which the time alone could be undecided. From that moment I observed my friend's behaviour attentively; and I could then perceive that his partiality for Miss Bennet was beyond what I had ever witnessed in him. Your sister I also watched. -- Her look and manners were open, cheerful, and engaging as ever, but without any symptom of peculiar regard, and I remained convinced from the evening's scrutiny, that though she received his attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by any participation of sentiment. -- If you have not been mistaken here, I must have been in an error. Your superior knowledge of your sister must make the latter probable. -- If it be so, if I have been misled by such error, to inflict pain on her, your resentment has not been unreasonable. But I shall not scruple to assert that the serenity of your sister's countenance and air was such as might have given the most acute observer a conviction that, however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be easily touched. -- That I was desirous of believing her indifferent is certain, -- but I will venture to say that my investigations and decisions are not usually influenced by my hopes or fears. -- I did not believe her to be indifferent because I wished it; -- I believed it on impartial conviction, as truly as I wished it in reason. -- My objections to the marriage were not merely those which I last night acknowledged to have required the utmost force of passion to put aside in my own case; the want of connection could not be so great an evil to my friend as to me. -- But there were other causes of repugnance; -- causes which, though still existing, and existing to an equal degree in both instances, I had myself endeavoured to forget, because they were not immediately before me. -- These causes must be stated, though briefly. -- The situation of your mother's family, though objectionable, was nothing in comparison of that total want of propriety so frequently, so almost uniformly, betrayed by herself, by your three younger sisters, and occasionally even by your father. -- Pardon me. -- It pains me to offend you. But amidst your concern for the defects of your nearest relations, and your displeasure at this representation of them, let it give you consolation to consider that to have conducted yourselves so as to avoid any share of the like censure is praise no less generally bestowed on you and your eldest sister, than it is honourable to the sense and disposition of both. -- I will only say farther that, from what passed that evening, my opinion of all parties was confirmed, and every inducement heightened, which could have led me before to preserve my friend from what I esteemed a most unhappy connection. -- He left Netherfield for London, on the day following, as you, I am certain, remember, with the design of soon returning.

  你昨夜曾把两件性质不同、轻重不等的罪名加在我头上。你第一件指责我折散了彬格莱先生和令奶的好事,完全不顾他们俩之间如何情深意切,你第二件指责我不顾体面,丧尽人道,蔑视别人的权益,毁坏了韦翰先生那指日可期的富贵,又破来了他美好的前途。我竟无情无义,抛弃了自己小时候的朋友,一致公认的先父生前的宠幸,一个无依无靠的青年,从小起就指望我们施恩──这方面的确是我的一种遗憾;至于那一对青年男女,他们不过只有几星期的交情,就算我拆散了他们,也不能同这件罪过相提并论。现在请允许我把我自己的行为和动机一一剖白一下,希望你弄明白了其中的原委以后,将来可以不再象昨天晚上那样对我严词苛责。在解释这些必要的事情时,如果我迫不得已,要述述我自己的情绪,因而使你情绪不快,我只得向你表示歉意。既是出于迫不得已,那么再道歉未免就嫌可笑了。我到哈福德郡不久,就和别人一样,看出了彬格莱先生在当地所有的少女中偏偏看中了令姐。但是一直等到在尼日斐花园开跳舞会的那个晚上,我才顾虑到他当真对令姐有了爱恋之意。说到他的恋爱方面,我以前也看得很多。在那次跳舞会上,当我很荣幸地跟你跳舞时,我才听到威廉·卢卡斯偶然说起彬格莱先生对令姐的殷勤已经弄得满城风雨,大家都以为他们就要谈到嫁娶问题。听他说起来,好象事情已经千稳万妥,只是迟早问题罢了。从那时起,我就密切注意着我朋友的行为,于是我看出了他对班纳特小姐的钟情,果然和他往常的恋爱情形大不相同。我也注意着令姐。她的神色和风度依旧象平常那样落落大方,和蔼可亲,并没有钟情于任何人的迹象。根据我那一晚上仔细观察的情形看来,我确实认为她虽然乐意接受他的殷勤,可是她并没有用深情密意来报答他。要是这件事你没有弄错,那么错处一定在我;你对于令姐既有透辟的了解,那么当然可能是我错了。倘若事实果真如此,倘若果真是我弄错了,迟到造成令姐的痛苦,那当然难怪你气愤。可是我可以毫不犹豫地说,令姐当初的风度极其洒脱,即使观察力最敏锐的人,也难免以为;她尽管性情柔和,可是她的心不容易打动。我当初确实希望她无动于中,可是我敢说,我虽然主观上有我的希望,有我的顾虑,可是我的观察和我的推断并不会受到主观上的影响。我认为,令姐决不会因为我希望她无动于中,她就当真无动于中;我的看法大公无私,我的愿望也合情合理。我昨天晚上说,遇到这样门户不相称的婚姻,轮到我自己身上的时候,我必须用极大的感情上的力量圆心压制,至于说到他们俩这一门婚姻,我所以要反对,还不光光是为了这些理由,因为关于门户高低的问题,我朋友并不象我那么重视。我所以反对这门婚姻,还有别的一些叫人嫌忌的原因───这些原因虽然到现在还存在,而且在两桩事里面同样存在着,可是我早就尽力把它忘了,因为好在眼不见为净。这里必须把这些原因说一说,即使简单地说一说也好。你母亲娘家亲族虽然叫人不太满意,可是比起你们自己家里人那种完全没有体统的情形来,便简直显得无足轻重。你三个妹妹都是始终一贯地做出许多没有体统的事情来,有时候甚至连你父亲也难免。请原谅我这样直言无讳,其实得罪了你,也使我自己感到。痉你的骨肉至亲有了这些缺点,当然会使你感到难受,我这样一说,当然会叫你更不高兴,可是你只要想一想,你自己和你姐姐举止优雅,人家非得没有责难到你们俩头上,而且对你们褒奖备至,还赏识你们俩的见识和个性,这对于你究竟还不失为一种安慰吧。我还想跟你说一说;我那天晚上看了那种情形,不禁越发确定了我对各个人的看法,越发加深了我的偏见,觉得一定要阻止我的朋友,不让他缔结这门最不幸的婚姻。他第二天就离开尼日斐花园到伦敦去了,我相信你一定记得,他本来打算去一下便立刻回来。

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名著·傲慢与偏见 - 第50节