名著·呼啸山庄 - 第37节


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  “那天是星期一晚上,”我回答,“今天是星期四晚上,或者,这时不如说是星期五早上了。” “什么!还是在这个星期里吗?”她叫。“就这么短的时间吗?”

   'Long enough to live on nothing but cold water and ill-temper,' observed I.

  “只靠冷水和坏脾气活着,这也就算够长的了。”我说。

   'Well, it seems a weary number of hours,' she muttered doubtfully: 'it must be more. I remember being in the parlour after they had quarrelled, and Edgar being cruelly provoking, and me running into this room desperate. As soon as ever I had barred the door, utter blackness overwhelmed me, and I fell on the floor. I couldn't explain to Edgar how certain I felt of having a fit, or going raging mad, if he persisted in teasing me! I had no command of tongue, or brain, and he did not guess my agony, perhaps: it barely left me sense to try to escape from him and his voice. Before I recovered sufficiently to see and hear, it began to be dawn, and, Nelly, I'll tell you what I thought, and what has kept recurring and recurring till I feared for my reason. I thought as I lay there, with my head against that table leg, and my eyes dimly discerning the grey square of the window, that I was enclosed in the oak-panelled bed at home; and my heart ached with some great grief which, just waking, I could not recollect. I pondered, and worried myself to discover what it could be, and, most strangely, the whole last seven years of my life grew a blank! I did not recall that they had been at all. I was a child; my father was just buried, and my misery arose from the separation that Hindley had ordered between me and Heathcliff. I was laid alone, for the first time; and, rousing from a dismal doze after a night of weeping, I lifted my hand to push the panels aside: it struck the table-top! I swept it along the carpet, and then memory burst in: my late anguish was swallowed in a paroxysm of despair. I cannot say why I felt so wildly wretched: it must have been temporary derangement; for there is scarcely cause. But, supposing at twelve years old I had been wrenched from the Heights, and every early association, and my all in all, as Heathcliff was at that time, and been converted at a stroke into Mrs. Linton, the lady of Thrushcross Grange, and the wife of a stranger: an exile, and outcast, thenceforth, from what had been my world. You may fancy a glimpse of the abyss where I grovelled! Shake your head as you will, Nelly, you have helped to unsettle me! You should have spoken to Edgar, indeed you should, and compelled him to leave me quiet! Oh, I'm burning! I wish I were out of doors! I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy, and free; and laughing at injuries, not maddening under them! Why am I so changed? why does my blood rush into a hell of tumult at a few words? I'm sure I should be myself were I once among the heather on those hills. Open the window again wide: fasten it open! Quick, why don't you move?'

  “唉,好像过了数不尽的时刻啦,”她疑惑地喃喃着,“一定还多些。我记得在他们争吵后我还在客厅里,埃德加狠心地惹我生气,我就拚命跑到这屋里。我一闩上门,整个黑暗压住了我,我就倒在地板上了。我不能够向埃德加解释:我是多么确切地感觉到如果他非嘲弄我不可,我会发病,或者疯狂的!我已经不能管束我的舌头或头脑,他也许没猜想到我的悲痛,我只感到我要躲避他和他的声音。在我还没有十分恢复能看能听的能力之前,天就亮了。耐莉,我要告诉你我想过什么,还有什么想法总是不断地出现再出现,搞得我都快要发疯了。我躺在那儿,头靠着桌子腿,我的眼睛模模糊糊地看得出灰灰的窗户玻璃,我想我是在家里那橡木嵌板的床上。我的心由于某种极度的忧伤而感到痛楚,可是我刚醒过来,又记不得是什么忧伤。我想着,苦苦地想发现到底是些什么。最奇怪的是,过去我生活中的整整七年变成了一片空白!我想不起是否有过这段日子。我还是一个孩子,我父亲才下葬,由于辛德雷命令我和希刺克厉夫分开,我才开始有了悲痛。我第一次被人孤零零地扔在一边,哭了一整夜,又昏昏沉沉地打了一个盹醒过来,我伸手想把嵌板推开:我的手碰到了桌面!我顺着桌毯一拂,记忆跟着就来了:我原来的悲痛被一阵突然的绝望吞没了。我说不出我干嘛觉得这么倒霉:一定是暂时神经错乱,因为简直没有原因。可是,假使在十二岁的时候我就被迫离开了山庄,每一件往事的联想,我的一切一切,就像那时候希刺克厉夫一样,而一下子就成了林惇夫人,画眉田庄的主妇,一个陌生人的妻子:从此以后从我原来的世界里放逐出来,成了流浪人。你可以想象我沉沦的深渊是什么样子!你要摇头尽管摇,耐莉,你帮助他使我不得安宁!你应该跟埃德加说,你实在应该,而且要叫他不要来惹我!啊,我心里像火烧一样!但愿我在外面!但愿我重新是个女孩子,野蛮、顽强、自由,任何伤害只会使我大笑,不会压得我发疯!为什么我变得这样厉害?为什么几句话就使我的血激动得这么沸腾?我担保若是我到了那边山上的石南丛林里,我就会清醒的。再把窗户敞开,敞开了再扣上钩子!快,你为什么不动呀?”

   'Because I won't give you your death of cold,' I answered.

  “因为我不想让你冻死,”我回答。

   'You won't give me a chance of life, you mean,' she said, sullenly. 'However, I'm not helpless yet; I'll open it myself.'

  “你的意思是你不肯给我活下去的机会,”她愤愤地说。 “无论如何,我还不是毫无办法,我要自己开。”

  我来不及阻止她,她已经从床上溜下来了,她从房间这边走到那边,脚步极不稳,把窗推开就探身出去,也不在乎那冷风像锋利的小刀在割她的肩膀。我恳求着,最后打算硬拉她缩回来。可是我立刻发觉她在精神错乱时的体力大大超过我的体力(她确是精神错乱了,我看她后来的动作与胡言乱语才相信的)。没有月亮,下面的一切都藏在朦胧的黑暗中:不论远近,没有一线光亮从任何房子里射出来--所有的亮光都早就熄灭了:呼啸山庄的烛光,这儿是从来也瞧不见的--她可还是硬说瞅见它们亮着。

   'Look!' she cried eagerly, 'that's my room with the candle in it, and the trees swaying before it; and the other candle is in Joseph's garret. Joseph sits up late, doesn't he? He's waiting till I come home that he may lock the gate. Well, he'll wait a while yet. It's a rough journey, and a sad heart to travel it; and we must pass by Gimmerton Kirk to go that journey! We've braved its ghosts often together, and dared each other to stand among the graves and ask them to come. But, Heathcliff, if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I'll keep you. I'll not lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won't rest till you are with me. I never will!'

  “瞧!”她热烈地喊着,“那就是我的屋子,里面点着蜡烛,树在屋前摇摆,还有一支蜡烛是在约瑟夫的阁楼里……约瑟夫睡得迟,不是吗?他在等我回家,他好锁大门。好吧,他还要等一会呢。那段路不好走,需要勇气。而且我们走那段路一定要经过吉默吞教堂!我们曾经常常在一起走,不怕那儿的鬼,互相比胆量,站在那些坟墓中间请鬼来。可是,希刺克厉夫,如果我现在跟你比胆量,你敢吗?要是你敢,我就陪你。我不要一个人躺在那儿:他们也不许要把我埋到一丈二尺深的地里,把教堂压在我身上,可是我不会安息,除非你跟我在一起。我绝不会!”

   She paused, and resumed with a strange smile. 'He's considering - he'd rather I'd come to him! Find a way, then! not through that kirkyard. You are slow! Be content, you always followed me!'

  她停住了,接着又带着一种古怪的微笑开始说:“他在考虑--他要我去找他!那么,找条路呀!不穿过那教堂院子。 你太慢了!该满意了吧,你总是跟着我的!”

   Perceiving it vain to argue against her insanity, I was planning how I could reach something to wrap about her, without quitting my hold of herself (for I could not trust her alone by the gaping lattice), when, to my consternation, I heard the rattle of the door-handle, and Mr. Linton entered. He had only then come from the library; and, in passing through the lobby, had noticed our talking and been attracted by curiosity, or fear, to examine what it signified, at that late hour.

  看来跟她的疯狂争执不休是白费精力,我就盘算着怎么能既不松开手,又能找些衣服给她披上。因为我不放心她一个人在敞开的窗子前。这时,使我大为惊讶的是听见门柄轧的一声,林惇先生进来了。他刚从书房出来,正经过走廊,听到我们说话,被好奇心或是恐惧所驱使,想看看我们深更半夜还在说什么。

   'Oh, sir!' I cried, checking the exclamation risen to his lips at the sight which met him, and the bleak atmosphere of the chamber. 'My poor mistress is ill, and she quite masters me: I cannot manage her at all; pray, come and persuade her to go to bed. Forget your anger, for she's hard to guide any way but her own.'

  “啊,先生!”我喊道,他一眼看到这屋里的情形,以及这凄凉的气氛时正要惊叫,却给我拦住了。“我可怜的女主人病啦,她把我制住啦!我简直没法管她了。求求你来,把她劝到床上去吧。忘掉你的怒气吧,因为她是很难听别人的话的。”

  “凯瑟琳病啦?”他说,赶忙走过来。“关上窗子,艾伦! 凯瑟琳!怎么--”

   He was silent. The haggardness of Mrs. Linton's appearance smote him speechless, and he could only glance from her to me in horrified astonishment.

  他沉默了:林惇夫人憔悴的神色使他难过得说不出话来,他只能恐怖地瞅瞅她又瞅瞅我。

   'She's been fretting here,' I continued, 'and eating scarcely anything, and never complaining: she would admit none of us till this evening, and so we couldn't inform you of her state, as we were not aware of it ourselves; but it is nothing.'

  “她正在这儿生气哩,”我继续说,“简直没吃什么,也绝不抱怨:她不准任何人随便进来,直到今天晚上我才来这里。所以我们也不能向你禀报她的情况,因为我们自己也不清楚。 不过这也没什么。”

   I felt I uttered my explanations awkwardly; the master frowned. 'It is nothing, is it, Ellen Dean?' he said sternly. 'You shall account more clearly for keeping me ignorant of this!' And he took his wife in his arms, and looked at her with anguish.

  我觉得我解释得很笨拙;主人皱着眉。“没什么,是吗,丁艾伦?”他严厉地说。“你得说清楚点,为什么完全瞒住我!”他搂着妻子,悲痛地望着她。

   At first she gave him no glance of recognition: he was invisible to her abstracted gaze. The delirium was not fixed, however; having weaned her eyes from contemplating the outer darkness, by degrees she centred her attention on him, and discovered who it was that held her.

  起初她瞅着他,好像不认识似的:在她那茫然的凝视里,根本没有他这个人存在。不过,精神错乱也不是固定不变的,她的眼睛不再注视外面的黑暗了,渐渐地把她的注意力集中到他身上,发现了是谁搂着她。

  “啊!你来啦,是你来了吗,埃德加·林惇?”她说,愤怒地激动着。“你就是那种东西,在最不需要的时候出来了,需要你的时候就怎么也不来!我看我们如今要有许多让人哀恸的事啦--我看出我们要有的--可是哀恸也不能拦住我不去那边我那狭小的家:我安息的地方。在春天还没有过去之前我一定会去的,就在那儿,记住,不是在教堂屋檐下林惇家族的中间,而是在露天,竖一块墓碑。你愿意去他们那儿,还是到我这儿来,随你便!”

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名著·呼啸山庄 - 第37节