名著·呼啸山庄 - 第85节


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  “梦见和她一同化掉,而且还会更快乐些!”他回答。“你以为我害怕那样的变化吗?我掀起棺盖时,我原等待着会有这么一个变化:但是我很高兴它还没有开始,那要等到我和它一同变化。而且,除非我脑子里清清楚楚地印下了她那冷若冰霜的面貌的印象,否则那种奇异的感觉是很难消除的。开始得很古怪。你知道她在死后我发狂了;每天每天我永远在祈求她的灵魂回到我这儿来!我很相信鬼魂,我相信它们能够,而且的确是生存在我们中间!她下葬的那天,下了雪。晚上我到墓园那儿去。风刮得阴冷如冬--四周是一片凄凉。我不怕她那个混蛋丈夫这么晚会荡到这幽谷中来;也没有别人会有事到那边去。我是单独一个人,而且我知道就这两码厚的松土是我们之间唯一的障碍,我对我自己说--‘我要把她再抱在我的怀里!如果她是冰冷的,我就认为是北风吹得我冷;如果她不动,那她是睡觉。’我从工具房拿到一把铲子,开始用我的全力去掘--挖到棺木了;我用我的手来搞;钉子四周的木头开始咯吱地响着;我马上就要得到我的目的物了,那时我仿佛听到上面有人叹气,就在坟边,而且俯身向下。‘如果我能掀开这个’我咕噜着,‘我愿他们用土把我们俩都埋起来!’我就更拚命地掀。在我耳边,又有一声叹息。我好像觉得那叹息的暖气代替了那夹着雨雪的风。我知道身边并没有血肉之躯的活物;但是,正如人们感到在黑暗中有什么活人走近来,可又并不能辨别是什么一样,我也那么确切地感到凯蒂在那儿:不是在我脚下,而是在地上。一种突然的轻松愉快的感觉从我心里涌出来,流过四肢。我放弃了我那悲痛的工作,马上获得了慰藉:说不出来的慰藉。她和我同在,在我又填平墓穴时,她逗留着,并且又领我回家。你要想笑,你尽管笑;可是我确信我在那儿看见了她。我确信她跟我在一起,我不能不跟她说话。到了山庄,我急切地冲到门前。门锁了;我记得,那个可诅咒的恩萧和我的妻子不让我进去。我记得我停下来,把他踢得喘不过气来,然后就赶忙上楼,到我的屋子和她的屋子里。我急躁地向四周望--我觉得她在我身边--我几乎看得见她,可是我看不见!我当时急得要冒出血来,出于苦苦的渴望--出于狂热的祈求只要看她一眼!我一眼也看不到。正如她生前一样像魔鬼似的捉弄我!而且,自此以后,或多或少,我就总是被那种不可容忍的折磨所捉弄!地狱呀!我的神经总是这么紧张;要是我的神经不像羊肠线的话,那早就松弛到林惇那样衰弱的地步了。当我同哈里顿坐在屋里的时候,仿佛我一走出去就会遇见她;当我在旷野散步的时候,仿佛我一回去就会遇见她。当我从家里出来时,我忙着回去;我肯定!她一定是在山庄的什么地方,而当我在她的屋子里睡觉时--我又非出来不可。我躺不住;因为我刚闭上眼,她要么就是在窗外,要么就溜进窗格,要么走进屋里来,要么甚至将她可爱的头靠在我的枕上,像她小时候那样。而我必须睁开眼睛看看。因此我在一夜间睁眼闭眼一百次--永远是失望!它折磨我!我常常大声呻吟,以至于那个老流氓约瑟夫一定以为是我的良心在我身体里面捣鬼。现在,既然我看见了她,我平静了--稍微平静了一点。那是一种奇怪的杀人方法:不是一寸寸的,而是像头发丝那样的一丝丝地割,十八年来就用幽灵样的希望来引诱我!”

   Mr. Heathcliff paused and wiped his forehead; his hair clung to it, wet with perspiration; his eyes were fixed on the red embers of the fire, the brows not contracted, but raised next the temples; diminishing the grim aspect of his countenance, but imparting a peculiar look of trouble, and a painful appearance of mental tension towards one absorbing subject. He only half addressed me, and I maintained silence. I didn't like to hear him talk! After a short period he resumed his meditation on the picture, took it down and leant it against the sofa to contemplate it at better advantage; and while so occupied Catherine entered, announcing that she was ready, when her pony should be saddled.

  希刺克厉夫停下来,擦擦他的额头;他的头发粘在上面,全被汗浸湿了。他的眼睛盯住壁炉的红红的余烬,眉毛并没皱起,却扬得高高地挨近鬓骨,减少了他脸上的阴沉神色,但有一种特别的烦恼样子,还有对待一件全神贯注的事情时那种内心紧张的痛苦表情。他只是一半对着我说话,我一直不开腔。我不喜欢听他说话!过了一刻,他又恢复了对那肖像的冥想,他把它取下来,把它靠在沙发上,以便更好地注视,正在这么专心看着的时候,凯瑟琳进来了,宣布她准备好了,就等她的小马装鞍了。

   'Send that over to-morrow,' said Heathcliff to me; then turning to her, he added: 'You may do without your pony: it is a fine evening, and you'll need no ponies at Wuthering Heights; for what journeys you take, your own feet will serve you. Come along.'

  “明天送过来吧,”希刺克厉夫对我说;然后转身向她,他又说:“你可以不用你的小马:今晚天气不坏,而且你在呼啸山庄也用不着小马;不论你作什么样的旅行,你自己的脚可以侍候你。来吧。”

   'Good-bye, Ellen!' whispered my dear little mistress.

  “再见,艾伦!”我亲爱的小女主人低声说。

   As she kissed me, her lips felt like ice. 'Come and see me, Ellen; don't forget.' 'Take care you do no such thing, Mrs. Dean!' said her new father. 'When I wish to speak to you I'll come here. I want none of your prying at my house!'

  当她亲我时,她的嘴唇像冰似的。“来看我,艾伦,别忘了。” “当心你不要作这种事,丁太太!”她的新父亲说,“我要跟你说话时,我一定会到这儿来。我可不要你偷偷到我家去!”

  他作个手势叫她走在他前面;她回头望了一眼,使我心如刀割,她服从了。我在窗前望着他们顺着花园走去。希刺克厉夫把凯瑟琳的胳臂夹在他的胳臂里;虽然她起初显然是反对这样作;他跨开大步把她带到小路上,那边的树木把他们遮住不见了。

   I HAVE paid a visit to the Heights, but I have not seen her since she left: Joseph held the door in his hand when I called to ask after her, and wouldn't let me pass. He said Mrs. Linton was 'thrang,' and the master was not in. Zillah has told me something of the way they go on, otherwise I should hardly know who was dead and who living. She thinks Catherine haughty, and does not like her, I can guess by her talk. My young lady asked some aid of her when she first came; but Mr. Heathcliff told her to follow her own business, and let his daughter-in-law look after herself; and Zillah willingly acquiesced, being a narrow-minded, selfish woman. Catherine evinced a child's annoyance at this neglect; repaid it with contempt, and thus enlisted my informant among her enemies, as securely as if she had done her some great wrong. I had a long talk with Zillah about six weeks ago, a little before you came, one day when we foregathered on the moor; and this is what she told me.

  我曾去过山庄一次,但是自从她离去以后我就没有看到过她;当我去问候她时,约瑟夫用手把着门,不许我进去。他说林惇夫人“完蛋啦”,主人不在家。齐拉告诉过我他们过日子的一些情况,不然我简直不知道谁死了,谁活着。她认为凯瑟琳太傲慢,她也不喜欢她,我从她的话里猜得出来。我的小姐初去时曾要她帮点忙;可是希刺克厉夫叫她只管自己的事,让他儿媳妇自己照料自己;齐拉本是一个心窄的、自私自利的女人,就挺愿意地服从了。凯瑟琳对于这种怠慢表示出了孩子气的恼怒;用轻蔑来相报,如此就把我这个通风报信的人也列入她的敌人之列,记下了仇,好像她做了天大的对不起她的事似的。大约六星期以前,就在你来之前不久,我曾和齐拉长谈,那天我们在旷野上遇见了;以下就是她告诉我的。

   'The first thing Mrs. Linton did,' she said, 'on her arrival at the Heights, was to run up-stairs, without even wishing good-evening to me and Joseph; she shut herself into Linton's room, and remained till morning. Then, while the master and Earnshaw were at breakfast, she entered the house, and asked all in a quiver if the doctor might be sent for? her cousin was very ill.

  “林惇夫人所作的第一件事,”她说,“在她一到山庄时,就是跑上楼,连对我和约瑟夫都没打个招呼,说声晚上好;她把自己关在林惇的屋子里,一直待到早上。后来,在主人和恩萧早餐时,她到大厅里来,全身哆嗦地问道可不可以请个医生来?她的表弟病得很重。

   '"We know that!" answered Heathcliff; "but his life is not worth a farthing, and I won't spend a farthing on him."

  “‘我们知道!’希刺克厉夫回答,‘可是他的生命一文不值,我也不要在他身上再花一个铜子儿啦!’

   '"But I cannot tell how to do," she said; "and if nobody will help me, he'll die!"

  “‘可我不知道怎么办,’她说,‘要是没人帮帮我,他就要死了!’

  “‘走出这间屋子,’主人叫道,‘永远别让我再听见关于他的一个字。这儿没有人关心他怎么样。你要是关心,就去作看护吧。要是你不,就把他锁在里面,离开他。’

   'Then she began to bother me, and I said I'd had enough plague with the tiresome thing; we each had our tasks, and hers was to wait on Linton: Mr. Heathcliff bid me leave that labour to her.

  “然后她开始来缠我,我说我对这烦人的东西已经够累了;我们个个都有自己的事,她的事就是侍候林惇:是希刺克厉夫叫我把那份工作交给她的。

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名著·呼啸山庄 - 第85节