目 录 上一节 下一节 
真的,他今天真是不可爱。" 'And will you go and be a model to him?' " 你将去作模特儿么?" 'Oh, I don't really mind any more. He won't touch me. And I don't mind anything, if it paves the way to a life together for you and me.' " 啊,我现在实在再也不介意了!他不会触摸我的。如果那可以完成你我的共同生活,我什么也不介意了。" 'But he'll only shit on you on canvas.' " 但是他只会在画布上把你涂些嗅粪的。" 'I don't care. He'll only be painting his own feelings for me, and I don't mind if he does that. I wouldn't have him touch me, not for anything. But if he thinks he can do anything with his owlish arty staring, let him stare. He can make as many empty tubes and corrugations out of me as he likes. It's his funeral. He hated you for what you said: that his tubified art is sentimental and self-important. But of course it's true.' " 管他!他只画他对我的感情,那我是不反对的。我决不愿他触摸我,决不,但是如果他以为用他那艺术家的枭眼瞧着我有益的话,那么,让他瞧去。他只管把我画成许多空管子和阴阳起伏。那是他的不幸。他所以恨你,是因为你说他的管子艺术是多情的,自大的,但是,当然啦,那是真的。" 
亲爱的克利福,我恐怕你预料的事情是实现了。是的,我爱上了另一个人。我很希望你将提出离婚。---我住在旦肯的家里。我告诉过你,我们在威尼斯时曾在一块。我很替你抱憾,但是请你把这事情平心静气的看吧。你实在是不再需要我了。而我呢,回勒格贝去是件难堪的事,我是十分抱歉的,但是请你原恕我吧,请你提出离婚,而另找个比我更好的人吧、我实在不是你所需要的人,我认为我是太无忍耐性,太自私了,我决不能回去和你同居了。一切我是替你觉得非常抱歉的,但是如果你平心静气地看这事情,你当知道这并不是那么可怖的事,对我个人来说,你实在并不真正在乎我,那么,请你原谅我而抛弃我吧。" Clifford was not inwardly surprised to get this letter. Inwardly, he had known for a long time she was leaving him. But he had absolutely refused any outward admission of it. Therefore, outwardly, it came as the most terrible blow and shock to him, He had kept the surface of his confidence in her quite serene. 在克利福的内心里,其实是不惊讶这么一封信的来到的。他的心中老早就知道她要离开他。但是外表上,他是绝对不愿承认的。所以,在外表上看来,这封信给了他一个最可怖的打击,因为他对于她的信任的外层是一向平静的。 And that is how we are, By strength of will we cut of four inner intuitive knowledge from admitted consciousness. This causes a state of dread, or apprehension, which makes the blow ten times worse when it does fall. 我们大家不都一样么?我们用意志的力量,去强制着内在的直觉的东西不表露出来,一旦这种强制失效了的时候,便造成了一种恐怖的状态。于是打击之来,便十倍难受了。 Clifford was like a hysterical child. He gave Mrs Bolton a terrible shock, sitting up in bed ghastly and blank. 克利福象个患歇斯底里症的孩子,他狞恶地、失神地在床上坐起来,把波太太吓着了。" 'Why, Sir Clifford, whatever's the matter?' " 怎么,克利福男爵,你怎么了?" 
没有回答!她害怕他病势发作了,慌忙地摸摸他的脸,探探他的脉。 'Is there a pain? Do try and tell me where it hurts you. Do tell me!' " 什么地方疼痛么?告诉我什么地方疼痛,请你告诉我吧!" No answer! 没有回答! 'Oh dear, oh dear! Then I'll telephone to Sheffield for Dr Carrington, and Dr Lecky may as well run round straight away.' " 老天老天!那么我要打电话到雪非尔德叫加凌东医生,我请勒基医生马上来。" She was moving to the door, when he said in a hollow tone: 她正向门边越过去时,听见他的重浊的声音说: 
不!"她停住了,凝视着他,他的脸是黄的,失神的,象个白痴的脸。 'Do you mean you'd rather I didn't fetch the doctor?' " 你是要我不要找医生么?" 'Yes! I don't want him,' came the sepulchral voice. " 是的!我不需要医生。"他的幽冥的声音说。 'Oh, but Sir Clifford, you're ill, and I daren't take the responsibility. I must send for the doctor, or I shall be blamed.' " 但是,克利福男爵哟,你是病了,我可不敢负这责任。我得叫医生来,否则人们要责备我的。" A pause: then the hollow voice said: 停了一会,然后那重浊的声音说: 
我没有病,我的女人不回来了。"---这仿佛是石像在说。 'Not coming back? you mean her ladyship?' Mrs Bolton moved a little nearer to the bed. 'Oh, don't you believe it. You can trust her ladyship to come back.' " 不回来了?你是说夫人么?波太太走近床边说,"啊,别相信这话,你放心,夫人是一定会回来的。" The image in the bed did not change, but it pushed a letter over the counterpane. 床上的石像依旧不动,只是把一封信在被单上推了过来。 'Read it!' said the sepulchral voice. " 读吧!"幽冥的声音说。 'Why, if it's a letter from her ladyship, I'm sure her ladyship wouldn't want me to read her letter to you, Sir Clifford. You can tell me what she says, if you wish.' " 这是夫人的信,我确信夫人是不愿我看她写给你的信的,克利福男爵,如果你愿意的话,请你告诉我什么好了。" 
读吧!"那声音重新说道。 'Why, if I must, I do it to obey you, Sir Clifford,' she said. And she read the letter. " 好吧,克利福男爵,这是我顺从你啊。"她说。她读了那封信。 'Well, I am surprised at her ladyship,' she said. 'She promised so faithfully she'd come back!' " 唔,太太真使我奇怪,"她说,"她曾那么忠实地答应回来的!" The face in the bed seemed to deepen its expression of wild, but motionless distraction. Mrs Bolton looked at it and was worried. She knew what she was up against: male hysteria. She had not nursed soldiers without learning something about that very unpleasant disease. 床上那只脸孔上的粗野的但是失神的表情似乎加深了,波太太不安地望着他,她知道她所要对付是什么;男性的歇斯底里,这种讨厌的病,她从前在看护士兵的时候,已经验过多少了。 She was a little impatient of Sir Clifford. Any man in his senses must have known his wife was in love with somebody else, and was going to leave him. Even, she was sure, Sir Clifford was inwardly absolutely aware of it, only he wouldn't admit it to himself. If he would have admitted it, and prepared himself for it: or if he would have admitted it, and actively struggled with his wife against it: that would have been acting like a man. But no! he knew it, and all the time tried to kid himself it wasn't so. He felt the devil twisting his tail, and pretended it was the angels smiling on him. This state of falsity had now brought on that crisis of falsity and dislocation, hysteria, which is a form of insanity. 'It comes', she thought to herself, hating him a little, 'because he always thinks of himself. He's so wrapped up in his own immortal self, that when he does get a shock he's like a mummy tangled in its own bandages. Look at him!' 她有点讨厌克利福男爵,无论哪个头胸清醒的男子,都应该知道他的女人爱上了别人而要离开他了。虽然她也知道,克利福的内心里是绝对明白的,不过他不肯承认罢了,假如他承认了它而作某种准备,假如他承认了它而与他的女人尽力避克这种事变,那才算是大丈夫的行为,但是不然!他明明知道,却又老是瞒阂自己说事情并非如此,他明明觉得恶魔在扭着他的尾巴!却又装模作佯说是那是使向他微笑,这种虚伪的情境,引出了现在这种虚伪的脱血病的发作:歇斯底里,这是癫狂的一种形式,她心里有点恨恨地想道:"所以有这种事情,都是因为他太想自己了,他全副心神都在想他的不死的自我,于是当打击一来的时候,他便象是在自己的绷带里绞结着的木乃伊,瞧瞧他!" 
但是歇斯底里是危险的,她是个看护,去拯救他,那是她的义务,想把他的大丈夫气与自尊心鼓舞起来,那只是于他有损无益的,因为他的大丈夫气已死了一如果不是地,那么至少是暂时地,他只会象一只虫子似地越卷越软,越挣扎越脱血的。 The only thing was to release his self-pity. Like the lady in Tennyson, he must weep or he must die. 唯一可做的事情是解放他的自怜心。好象丁尼生笔下的贵妇一般,他得痛哭一场,否则,他定要一命鸣呼了。
|