名著·汤姆叔叔的小屋 - 第129节


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  太太,我记得他们把我的衣服扔在房间的某个角落里,那件外衣的口袋里装着我的《圣经》,麻烦您!太太,帮我拿过来。"

   Cassy went and got it. Tom opened, at once, to a heavily marked passage, much worn, of the last scenes in the life of Him by whose stripes we are healed.

  卡西走了过去,从那件外衣的衣袋里掏出了《圣经》。汤姆很快地翻动书页,当翻到做了明显标记而且磨损得很旧的那页书时,他停了下来,上面说的是关于救世主使人类得以解放而自己死前惨遭恶遇的过程。

   "If Missis would only be so good as read that ar',--it's better than water.""

  太太,您必须帮我一把,念这段给我听,它要比喝水更令我解渴。"

   Cassy took the book, with a dry, proud air, and looked over the passage. She then read aloud, in a soft voice, and with a beauty of intonation that was peculiar, that touching account of anguish and of glory. Often, as she read, her voice faltered, and sometimes failed her altogether, when she would stop, with an air of frigid composure, till she had mastered herself. When she came to the touching words, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do," she threw down the book, and, burying her face in the heavy masses of her hair, she sobbed aloud, with a convulsive violence.

  卡西仍然露出冷漠的神情,拿起那本书仔细地看了那段。然后,她开始高声地、动情地读起了这段悲壮而华丽的描写,声调优美、柔和,非同一般。读到动情处时,她常常会声音哽咽,偶尔竟颤抖得读不出来。每到这个时候,她干脆停下来,竭力抑制激动的感情一直到她完全镇定以后才继续读下去,重新恢复常态。"父啊,你们不要怪罪他们,因为他们不晓得自己的所作所为"当她读到这句感人肺腑的话时,她麻木地丢掉了手中的书本放声痛哭,披散在她肩上那又厚又黑的卷发随着身体的抽动也动感地颤抖起来。

   Tom was weeping, also, and occasionally uttering a smothered ejaculation.

  汤姆陪着她无声地流泪,时而发出几声哀鸣。

  假如我们能够坚定自己的意志向他学习,那就好了!"汤姆说,"为什么他做起来是那么容易,轻而易举,而我们却倍经苦难、费尽心机也难以达到?噢,上帝,救救我们吧!仁慈的耶稣基督!我求你了!"

   "Missis," said Tom, after a while, "I can see that, some how, you're quite 'bove me in everything; but there's one thing Missis might learn even from poor Tom. Ye said the Lord took sides against us, because he lets us be 'bused and knocked round; but ye see what come on his own Son,--the blessed Lord of Glory,--wan't he allays poor? and have we, any on us, yet come so low as he come? The Lord han't forgot us,--I'm sartin' o' that ar'. If we suffer with him, we shall also reign, Scripture says; but, if we deny Him, he also will deny us. Didn't they all suffer?--the Lord and all his? It tells how they was stoned and sawn asunder, and wandered about in sheep-skins and goat-skins, and was destitute, afflicted, tormented. Sufferin' an't no reason to make us think the Lord's turned agin us; but jest the contrary, if only we hold on to him, and doesn't give up to sin."

  过了半斗烟工夫,汤姆又说道:"太太,在每件事情上您都可能比我强。但这并不说明您不能从我身上学到一些东西。您说上帝也没站到我们这边,他无视我们惨遭虐待和欺凌,太太!但请您也看看他自己的亲生儿子--我们的荣耀,神圣的耶稣主,他的遭遇也不好呀!难道他逃离了穷困和劳苦了吗?你和我都没有落到他那种卑微的地位。所以,上帝他并没有遗忘我们,这一点我敢肯定。《圣经》上面告诉我们,如果能够忍耐也一定跟他一样可以替自己作主。但是我们不认他,他又哪能认我们呢?甚至救世主和他的门徒们都遭受了灾难。《圣经》上说,他们是被石头砸死、被利锯分身的。他们披着羊皮四处奔走,受穷、受难、受害。我们不应该因为自己生活得不幸福,就觉得上帝不管我们,没替我们作主。如果我们不向邪恶让步、相信上帝与我们同在,我们肯定能发现事情并非那样。"

   "But why does he put us where we can't help but sin?" said the woman."

  可是他为什么要把我们安排在这个地方呢?除了变成魔鬼我们几乎无路可走。"女人问他。

   "I think we _can_ help it," said Tom."

  我有信心让自己不跟着他们作恶。"汤姆回答。

   "You'll see," said Cassy; "what'll you do? Tomorrow they'll be at you again. I know 'em; I've seen all their doings; I can't bear to think of all they'll bring you to;--and they'll make you give out, at last!""

  好吧!你就等着看吧!"卡西又说,"我太了解他们了,明天他们又会在你面前出现,使出新花招对付你,一直到你屈服为止!"

  上帝,"汤姆求助道,"你要拯救我的灵魂啊!噢!仁慈的耶稣基督!我不能屈服的,求您救我一把吧!"

   "O dear!" said Cassy; "I've heard all this crying and praying before; and yet, they've been broken down, and brought under. There's Emmeline, she's trying to hold on, and you're trying,--but what use? You must give up, or be killed by inches.""

  我的天啊!"卡西说,"你不要试图祈祷,这种发泄的方式我以前见得多了!但他们最终没有一个人能坚持下去,都屈服了。埃米琳起先也坚持着,同你有一样的想法。但她又能坚持多久呢?汤姆,你必须放弃善良和那份执着,只有这样他才会让你活着。"

   "Well, then, I _will_ die!" said Tom. "Spin it out as long as they can, they can't help my dying, some time!--and, after that, they can't do no more. I'm clar, I'm set! I _know_ the Lord'll help me, and bring me through.""

  就这么决定了,我宁愿选择死亡!"汤姆悲伤地说,"如果他们愿意的话,想怎么折磨我就怎么折磨我吧!反正是快要死去的人了。但在我选择死亡的那一刻,他们就不能抑制我了,我没有向他们屈服。上帝知道,他会陪我一块面临灾难的。现在我很清醒,就这么决定了。"

   The woman did not answer; she sat with her black eyes intently fixed on the floor.

  卡西没再答话,她端坐在那儿,眼睛死死地盯着一个地方。

   "May be it's the way," she murmured to herself; "but those that _have_ given up, there's no hope for them!--none! We live in filth, and grow loathsome, till we loathe ourselves! And we long to die, and we don't dare to kill ourselves!--No hope! no hope! no hope?--this girl now,--just as old as I was!"

  也许它是个好主意,"她自言自语道,"至少那些已经屈服了的人,他们就没希望了!他们已经失去了灵魂,我们每天生活在污秽肮脏的地方,因此也愈来愈表现得厌恶一切,到最后就讨厌自己了!我不止一次想到要死,可我却缺乏胆量去死!完了!完了!我彻底完蛋了!现在的我压根就没比当年的我坚毅啊!"

  喏,你看看我,"她很快地说,"你看我现在变成咋样了。我从小就是在有钱人家的家庭中长大的,现在我首先记起的就是我家富丽堂皇的客厅;我总是打扮得像个高贵的小公主,跟在客人后面在大厅里玩耍。他们老是称赞我--漂亮可爱的娃娃。我家的窗户开得特别大,上面装着落地玻璃,玻璃的外面是个很大的花园,以前我总是跟我的姐妹们在一起,喜欢在花园的那棵蜜桔树下捉迷藏。稍微长大后,我被父亲送进了一所教会学校。在那里我学了几乎我能学的东西:音乐,法语,刺绣等等,没有一样我学不会的。不幸的那年是在我十四岁的时候,父亲突然去世,我从学校赶回家参加他的葬礼。遗产清查时,我们才发现家里所有的财产还远远不够抵押他的债务。债主们在盘点账本时,把我也加进了一份子。我的母亲原来是个女奴,所以父亲曾一度希望我获得自由。谁料在他未办清手续之前就去世了。我的父亲原本健健康康的,在临死之前两个小时还很正常(他是新奥尔良市第一批霍乱的受害者之一)。父亲去世后的第二天,我的后娘带着她自己的亲生儿女去了她母亲的庄园。那两天里,我觉得他们一个个对我的态度都有所改变,但我不明白究竟是为什么?当时他们请了一个年轻的律师来办理一切事情。我记得他没有一天不到我家,也喜欢和我聊天--他说话的态度很好。有一天,他突然带了个小伙子来到我的面前,我现在还觉得他是我今生见过最帅的一个男孩。那天晚上,我永远也忘不了。我们在花园里漫步,是他的温柔和友善抚平了我当时那颗受创伤又孤单寂寞的心。他对我说,他已经爱上我好久好久了,在我上教会学校之前,他就已经注意到我了。他非常愿意助我一臂之力,做我当时的保护人。换而言之,是他花了两千美元买下了我,我已经完全属于他了。但他并没有告诉我,他隐瞒了这些,所以我挺乐意也自然地跟了他!他是我眼中英俊、善良而又高贵的王子,我以为我找到了幸福,我把自己当作世界上最幸福的女人!他带我住在一幢很漂亮的房子里,里面有佣人、马车、家具和华丽的衣服……世界上所有可以用金钱换来的东西,他都给了我。但是我并非看重这些物品,我只在乎他的人,我是那么地爱他,我关心他胜过关心我自己和自己的灵魂。他要我做什么,我都依了他,我对他的爱简直无可挑剔。"

   "I wanted only one thing--I did want him to _marry_ me. I thought, if he loved me as he said he did, and if I was what he seemed to think I was, he would be willing to marry me and set me free. But he convinced me that it would be impossible; and he told me that, if we were only faithful to each other, it was marriage before God. If that is true, wasn't I that man's wife? Wasn't I faithful? For seven years, didn't I study every look and motion, and only live and breathe to please him? He had the yellow fever, and for twenty days and nights I watched with him. I alone,--and gave him all his medicine, and did everything for him; and then he called me his good angel, and said I'd saved his life. We had two beautiful children. The first was a boy, and we called him Henry. He was the image of his father,--he had such beautiful eyes, such a forehead, and his hair hung all in curls around it; and he had all his father's spirit, and his talent, too. Little Elise, he said, looked like me. He used to tell me that I was the most beautiful woman in Louisiana, he was so proud of me and the children. He used to love to have me dress them up, and take them and me about in an open carriage, and hear the remarks that people would make on us; and he used to fill my ears constantly with the fine things that were said in praise of me and the children. O, those were happy days! I thought I was as happy as any one could be; but then there came evil times. He had a cousin come to New Orleans, who was his particular friend,--he thought all the world of him;--but, from the first time I saw him, I couldn't tell why, I dreaded him; for I felt sure he was going to bring misery on us. He got Henry to going out with him, and often he would not come home nights till two or three o'clock. I did not dare say a word; for Henry was so high spirited, I was afraid to. He got him to the gaming-houses; and he was one of the sort that, when he once got a going there, there was no holding back. And then he introduced him to another lady, and I saw soon that his heart was gone from me. He never told me, but I saw it,--I knew it, day after day,--I felt my heart breaking, but I could not say a word! At this, the wretch offered to buy me and the children of Henry, to clear off his gamblng debts, which stood in the way of his marrying as he wished;--and _he sold us_. He told me, one day, that he had business in the country, and should be gone two or three weeks. He spoke kinder than usual, and said he should come back; but it didn't deceive me. I knew that the time had come; I was just like one turned into stone; I couldn't speak, nor shed a tear. He kissed me and kissed the children, a good many times, and went out. I saw him get on his horse, and I watched him till he was quite out of sight; and then I fell down, and fainted."

  我今生只求过他一次,我太希望他能娶我为妻了。我心里想,他那么爱我,我几乎成了他心目中完美的女神,如果我真像他自己说的那样的话,他肯定愿意和我结婚,给我名份。但他却始终对我说,那是绝对不可能的事。慢慢地我就被他说服了。我相信了他的话,只要在上帝面前彼此忠诚,我们就是夫妻。如果这不是骗人的鬼话,那么,我就是他的妻子了,难道还有谁能否认我那时对他的忠贞不渝吗?跟他相处的日子,我每天都在察言观色,分析研究他的一笑一怒。整整七年的时间里,我默默地为他付出,这难道不是为了讨他欢心吗?有一次,他得了黄热病,我一直不宽衣带地侍候了他二十天,一刻都不离开他。我一个人替他喂药,替他做佣人侍候他的一切事情,什么事都是我一个人干的。他病愈之后,对我也是百般呵护,说我是他的天使,救了他一条命。后来我们有了两个可爱的孩子。大的叫亨利,是个男孩,他和他的父亲简直一模一样,他也有一双美丽的大眼睛,头上长着一圈圈的卷发,服贴地耷在同样美丽的小脑袋上。他的气质和天赋也像极了他父亲。至于那个小埃利斯,他说长得像我一样漂亮,他老喜欢夸我,说我是他见过全路易斯安那州最美丽的女人,他还说我和两个孩子是他的命根子,生命的全部,他为有我和两个孩子而感到高兴和自豪。我总是喜欢把我的两个孩子打扮得漂漂亮亮,在好天气的日子里由他带着我们坐上敞篷马车到野外去兜风。每当听到路人对我们加以评价的时候,他会特别开心,乐得像个孩子似的趴在我的耳边赞美我和孩子几句。噢!那时候我是多么开心啊!我总觉得上帝赐恩于我,我真正成了世界上最幸福的女人了,但就在我陶醉在幸福中的时候,恶运也随即而来。他的一个表兄弟要到新奥尔良来玩。兄弟俩的感情特别深,他很重视那位表兄。可不知为什么,自从我见他第一面起,我就害怕再见到他。我有一种预感,好像老觉得他会给我带来不幸似的。他特别喜欢跟亨利一块出去玩,但每次总是很晚才回来。亨利的性情极为高傲、难驯。我想说什么,可我什么话都不敢说,我唯一能做的只有保持沉默。后来他又带着亨利上赌场,亨利那种性格的人,只要一让他染上了赌瘾,就永远别再指望他能戒掉。接着他又为亨利好心地物色了一位小姐,我能看出他居心不良。即使他从来没有向我表现什么,但我还是看得出来。日子就这样在一天又一天中滑过,我的心更清楚地认识到这一点。我的心被跌成了碎片,可我却说不上一句话!这时亨利宣布他要同那位小姐结婚,由于拖欠人家很多赌债,婚礼不得不一拖再拖。那表兄便装模作样提出买下我和我的孩子们,以便亨利能还清赌债如愿以偿。亨利竟然真的上当了。有一天,他突然告诉我,他要到很远的乡下去办一些事情,估计要两三个礼拜才能回来。他说话的语气比平时还要柔和好听得多,他说他一定会回来。即使这样可还是骗不了我,我知道灾难和不幸就要降临在我的身上。我直立着身子站在那儿,吞吞吐吐一句话都说不出来,我坚定自己不许掉一滴眼泪。他吻了我和孩子们好久好久,接着就骑上他的马调头走了。我目送他走出我的视线,然后我就什么也不知道了。

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名著·汤姆叔叔的小屋 - 第129节