名著·简.爱 - 第131节


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  她伸出手来。他只碰了一碰。"晚安!"他重复道,音调低沉,而且像回音那么沉闷。她转过身去,但过了一会儿又回过身来。

   "Are you well?" she asked. Well might she put the question: hisface was blanched as her gown."

  你身体好吗?"她问。她难怪会提出这个问题来,因为他的脸色像她的衣服那么苍白。

   "Quite well," he enunciated; and, with a bow, he left the gate. Shewent one way; he another. She turned twice to gaze after him as shetripped fairy-like down the field; he, as he strode firmly across,never turned at all."

  很好,"他宣称,随后点了点头离开了大门。她走一条路,他走的是另一条路。她像仙女一样轻快地走下田野时,两次回头盯着他;而他坚定地大步走过,从没回头。

   This spectacle of another's suffering and sacrifice rapt my thoughtsfrom exclusive meditation on my own. Diana Rivers had designatedher brother "inexorable as death." She had not exaggerated.

  别人受苦和作出牺牲的情景,使我不再只耽于对自己的受苦和牺牲的沉思了。黛安娜.里弗斯曾说她的哥哥"象死一般的冷酷,"她并没有夸张。

   I continued the labours of the village-school as actively andfaithfully as I could. It was truly hard work at first. Some timeelapsed before, with all my efforts, I could comprehend my scholarsand their nature. Wholly untaught, with faculties quite torpid,they seemed to me hopelessly dull; and, at first sight, all dullalike: but I soon found I was mistaken. There was a differenceamongst them as amongst the educated; and when I got to know them,and they me, this difference rapidly developed itself. Theiramazement at me, my language, my rules, and ways, once subsided, Ifound some of these heavy-looking, gaping rustics wake up intosharp-witted girls enough. Many showed themselves obliging, andamiable too; and I discovered amongst them not a few examples ofnatural politeness, and innate self-respect, as well as of excellentcapacity, that won both my goodwill and my admiration. These soontook a pleasure in doing their work well, in keeping their personsneat, in learning their tasks regularly, in acquiring quiet andorderly manners. The rapidity of their progress, in some instances,was even surprising; and an honest and happy pride I took in it:besides, I began personally to like some of the best girls; and theyliked me. I had amongst my scholars several farmers' daughters:young women grown, almost. These could already read, write, andsew; and to them I taught the elements of grammar, geography,history, and the finer kinds of needlework. I found estimablecharacters amongst them--characters desirous of information anddisposed for improvement--with whom I passed many a pleasant eveninghour in their own homes. Their parents then (the farmer and hiswife) loaded me with attentions. There was an enjoyment inaccepting their simple kindness, and in repaying it by aconsideration--a scrupulous regard to their feelings--to which theywere not, perhaps, at all times accustomed, and which both charmedand benefited them; because, while it elevated them in their owneyes, it made them emulous to merit the deferential treatment theyreceived.

  我继续为积极办好乡村学校尽心尽力。起初确实困难重重。尽管我使出浑身解数,还是过了一段时间才了解我的学生和她们的天性。她们完全没有受过教育,官能都很迟钝,使我觉得这些人笨得无可救药。粗粗一看,个个都是呆头呆脑的,但不久我便发现自己错了。就像受过教育的人之间是有区别的一样,她们之间也有区别。我了解她们,她们也了解我之后,这种区别很快便不知不觉地扩大了。一旦她们对我的语言、习惯和生活方式不再感到惊讶,我便发现一些神态呆滞、目光迟钝的乡巴佬,蜕变成了头脑机灵的姑娘。很多人亲切可爱很有礼貌。我发现她们中间不少人天性就懂礼貌,自尊自爱,很有能力,赢得了我的好感和敬佩。这些人不久便很乐意把工作做好,保持自身整洁,按时做功课,养成斯斯文文有条有理的习惯。在某些方面,她们进步之快甚至令人吃惊,我真诚愉快地为此感到骄傲。另外,我本人也开始喜欢上几位最好的姑娘,她们也喜欢我。学生中有几个农夫的女儿,差不多已经长成了少女。她们已经会读,会写,会缝,于是我就教她们语法、地理和历史的基本知识,以及更精细的针线活。我还在她们中间发现了几位可贵的人物一一这些人渴求知识,希望上进--我在她们家里一起度过了不少愉快的夜晚。而她们的父母(农夫和妻子)对我很殷勤。我乐于接受他们纯朴的善意,并以尊重他们的情感来作为回报一-对此他们不一定会随时都感到习惯,但这既让她们着迷,也对他们有益,因为他们眼看自己提高了地位,并渴望无愧于所受到的厚待。

  我觉得自己成了附近地区的宠儿。无论什么时候出门,我都会处处听到亲切的招呼,受到满脸笑容的欢迎。生活在众人的关心之,即便是劳动者的关心,也如同"坐在阳光下,既宁静又舒心"。内心的恬静感觉开始萌芽,并在阳光下开放出花朵。在这段时间的生活中,我的心常常涌起感激之情,而没有颓唐沮丧。可是,读者呀,让我全都告诉你吧,在平静而充实的生活中--白天为学生作出了高尚的努力,晚上心满意足地独自作画和读书--之后我常常匆匆忙忙地进入了夜间奇异的梦境,多姿多彩的梦,有骚动不安的、充满理想的、激动人心的,也有急风骤雨式的--这些梦有着千奇百怪的场景,充满冒险的经历,揪心的险情和浪漫的机遇。梦中我依旧一次次遇见罗切斯特先生,往往是在激动人心的关键时刻。随后我感到投入了他的怀抱,听见了他的声音,遇见了他的目光,碰到了他的手和脸颊,爱他而又被他所爱。于是重又燃起在他身边度过一生的希望,像当初那么强烈,那么火热,随后我醒了过来。于是我想起了自己身在何处,处境如何。接着我颤颤巍巍地从没有帐幔的床上爬起来。沉沉黑夜目睹了我绝望的痉挛,听见了我怒火的爆发。到了第二天早上九点,我按时开学,平心静气地为一天的例行公事作好准备。

   Rosamond Oliver kept her word in coming to visit me. Her call atthe school was generally made in the course of her morning ride.She would canter up to the door on her pony, followed by a mountedlivery servant. Anything more exquisite than her appearance, in herpurple habit, with her Amazon's cap of black velvet placedgracefully above the long curls that kissed her cheek and floated toher shoulders, can scarcely be imagined: and it was thus she wouldenter the rustic building, and glide through the dazzled ranks ofthe village children. She generally came at the hour when Mr.Rivers was engaged in giving his daily catechising lesson. Keenly,I fear, did the eye of the visitress pierce the young pastor'sheart. A sort of instinct seemed to warn him of her entrance, evenwhen he did not see it; and when he was looking quite away from thedoor, if she appeared at it, his cheek would glow, and his marble-seeming features, though they refused to relax, changedindescribably, and in their very quiescence became expressive of arepressed fervour, stronger than working muscle or darting glancecould indicate.

  罗莎蒙德.奥利弗守信来看我。她一般是在早上遛马时到学校里来的,骑着她的小马慢跑到门口,后面跟了一位骑马的随从。她穿了一套紫色的骑装,戴一顶亚马逊式黑丝绒帽,很有风度地戴在从脸颊一直披到肩的卷发上,很难想象世上还有比她的外貌更标致的东西了。于是她会走进土里土气的房子,穿过被弄得眼花缭乱的乡村孩子的队伍。她总是在里弗斯先主上教义回答课时到。我猜想这位女来访者的目光,锐利地穿透了年青牧师的心。一种直觉向他提醒她已经进来了,即使他没有看到,或者视线正好从门口转开时也是如此。而要是她出现在门口,他的脸会灼灼生光,他那大理石一般的五官尽管拒不松弛,但难以形容地变了形。恬静中流露出一种受压抑的热情,要比肌肉的活动和目光的顾盼所显现的强烈得多。

   Of course, she knew her power: indeed, he did not, because he couldnot, conceal it from her. In spite of his Christian stoicism, whenshe went up and addressed him, and smiled gaily, encouragingly, evenfondly in his face, his hand would tremble and his eye burn. Heseemed to say, with his sad and resolute look, if he did not say itwith his lips, "I love you, and I know you prefer me. It is notdespair of success that keeps me dumb. If I offered my heart, Ibelieve you would accept it. But that heart is already laid on asacred altar: the fire is arranged round it. It will soon be nomore than a sacrifice consumed."

  当然她知道自己的魅力。其实他倒没有在她面前掩饰自己所感受到的魅力,因为他无法掩饰。虽然他信奉基督教禁欲主义,但她走近他,同他说话,对着他兴高彩烈、满含鼓励乃至多情地笑起来时,他的手会颤抖起来,他的眼睛会燃烧起来。他似乎不是用嘴巴,而是用哀伤而坚定的目光在说:"我爱你,我知道你也喜欢我。我不是因为毫无成功的希望而保持缄默。要是我献出这颗心来,我相信你会接受它,但是这颗心已经摆到了神圣的祭坛上了,周围燃起了火,很快它会成为耗尽的供品。"

   And then she would pout like a disappointed child; a pensive cloudwould soften her radiant vivacity; she would withdraw her handhastily from his, and turn in transient petulance from his aspect,at once so heroic and so martyr-like. St. John, no doubt, wouldhave given the world to follow, recall, retain her, when she thusleft him; but he would not give one chance of heaven, norrelinquish, for the elysium of her love, one hope of the true,eternal Paradise. Besides, he could not bind all that he had in hisnature--the rover, the aspirant, the poet, the priest--in the limitsof a single passion. He could not--he would not--renounce his wildfield of mission warfare for the parlours and the peace of ValeHall. I learnt so much from himself in an inroad I once, despitehis reserve, had the daring to make on his confidence.

  而随后她会像失望的孩子那样板着脸,一片阴沉的乌云会掩去她光芒四射的活力。她会急忙从他那里抽出手来,使一会儿性子,从他既像英雄又像殉道者的面孔转开。她离开他时,圣.约翰无疑愿意不顾一切地跟随着,叫唤她,留她下来、但是他不愿放弃进入天国的机会,也不愿为了她爱情的一片乐土,而放弃踏进真正的、永久的天堂的希望。此外,他无法把他的一切集于自己的个性之中,--流浪汉、追求者、诗人和牧师--集中于一种情感的局限之内。他不能--也不会--放弃布道的战场,而要溪谷庄的客厅和宁静。尽管他守口如瓶,但我有一次还是大胆地闯进他内心的密室,因此从他本人那儿了解到了如许秘密。

   Miss Oliver already honoured me with frequent visits to my cottage.I had learnt her whole character, which was without mystery ordisguise: she was coquettish but not heartless; exacting, but notworthlessly selfish. She had been indulged from her birth, but wasnot absolutely spoilt. She was hasty, but good-humoured; vain (shecould not help it, when every glance in the glass showed her such aflush of loveliness), but not affected; liberal-handed; innocent ofthe pride of wealth; ingenuous; sufficiently intelligent; gay,lively, and unthinking: she was very charming, in short, even to acool observer of her own sex like me; but she was not profoundlyinteresting or thoroughly impressive. A very different sort of mindwas hers from that, for instance, of the sisters of St. John.Still, I liked her almost as I liked my pupil Adele; except that,for a child whom we have watched over and taught, a closer affectionis engendered than we can give an equally attractive adultacquaintance.

  奥利弗小姐经常造访我的小屋,使我不胜荣幸。我已了解她的全部性格,它既无秘密,也没有遮掩。她爱卖弄风情,但并不冷酷;她苛刻,但并非自私得一钱不值;她从小受到宠爱,但并没有被完全惯坏;她性子急,但脾气好;爱慕虚荣(在她也难怪,镜子里随便瞟一眼都照出了她的可爱),但并不装腔作势;她出手大方。却并不因为有钱而自鸣得意;她头脑机灵,相当聪明,快乐活泼而无所用心。总之她很迷人,即使是对象我这样同性别的冷眼旁观者,也是如此。但她并不能使人深感兴趣,或者留下难以磨灭的印象。譬如同圣.约翰的妹妹们相比,属于一种截然不同的头脑。但我仍象喜欢我的学生阿黛勒那样喜欢她,所不同的是,我们会对自己看护和教育的孩子,产生一种比对同祥可爱的成年朋友亲近的感情。

  她心血来潮,对我产生了好感。她说我像里弗斯先生(当然只不过她宣布"没有他的十分之一漂亮,尽管你是个整洁可爱的小个子,但他是个天使")。然而我象他那样为人很好,聪明、冷静、坚定。她断言,作为一个乡村女教师,我天性是个怪人。她确信,要是我以前的历史给透露出来,一定会成为一部有趣的传奇。

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名著·简.爱 - 第131节