名著·简.爱 - 第23节


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  永远没有了,"我想,满心希望自己死掉。正当我泣不成声地吐出了这个心愿时,有人走近了我,我惊跳了起来,又是海伦.彭斯靠近了我,渐暗的炉火恰好照亮她走过空空荡荡的长房间她给我端来了咖啡和面包。

   "Come, eat something," she said; but I put both away from me,feeling as if a drop or a crumb would have choked me in my presentcondition. Helen regarded me, probably with surprise: I could notnow abate my agitation, though I tried hard; I continued to weepaloud. She sat down on the ground near me, embraced her knees withher arms, and rested her head upon them; in that attitude sheremained silent as an Indian. I was the first who spoke -"

  来,吃点东西,"她说,可是我们把咖啡和面包都从我面前推开了,只觉得仿佛眼下一滴咖啡或一口面包就会把我噎住似的。海伦凝视着我,也许很惊奇,这时我虽已竭尽全力,却仍无法抑制内心的激动,仍然一个劲儿号啕着,她在我身旁的地上坐下,胳膊抱着双膝,把头靠在膝头上,她就那么坐着,不言不语,像一个印度人。倒是我第一个开了腔:

   "Helen, why do you stay with a girl whom everybody believes to be aliar?""

  海伦,你怎么会跟一个人人都相信她会说谎的人呆在一起呢?"

   "Everybody, Jane? Why, there are only eighty people who have heardyou called so, and the world contains hundreds of millions.""

  是人人吗,简?瞧,只有八十个人听见叫你撒谎者,而世界上有千千万万的人呢。"

   "But what have I to do with millions? The eighty, I know, despiseme.""

  可是我跟那千千万万的人有什么关系呢?我认识的八十个人瞧不起我。"

  简,你错啦,也许学校里没有一个人会瞧不起你,或者讨厌你,我敢肯定,很多人都那么同情你。"

   "How can they pity me after what Mr. Brocklehurst has said?""

  布罗克赫斯特先生说了话以后,她们怎么可能同情我呢。"

   "Mr. Brocklehurst is not a god: nor is he even a great and admiredman: he is little liked here; he never took steps to make himselfliked. Had he treated you as an especial favourite, you would havefound enemies, declared or covert, all around you; as it is, thegreater number would offer you sympathy if they dared. Teachers andpupils may look coldly on you for a day or two, but friendlyfeelings are concealed in their hearts; and if you persevere indoing well, these feelings will ere long appear so much the moreevidently for their temporary suppression. Besides, Jane"--shepaused."

  布罗克赫斯特先生不是神,也不是一个值得钦佩的伟人。这里人不喜欢他。他也不想法让人喜欢他。要是他把你看成他的宠儿,你倒会处处树敌,公开的,或者暗地里的都会有。而现在这样,大多数胆子大一点的人是会同情你的。而要是你继续努力,好好表现,这些感情正因为暂时的压抑,不久就会更加明显地表露出来。此外,简"她刹住了话头。

   "Well, Helen?" said I, putting my hand into hers: she chafed myfingers gently to warm them, and went on -"

  怎样。海伦?"我说着把自己手塞到了她手里,她轻轻地揉着我的手指,使它们暖和过来,随后又说下去:

   "If all the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your ownconscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would notbe without friends.""

  即使整个世界恨你,并且相信你很坏,只要你自己问心无愧,知道你是清白的,你就不会没有朋友。"

  不,我明白我觉得自己不错,但这还不够,要是别人不爱我, 那么与其活着还不如死去--我受不了孤独和别人的厌恶,海伦。瞧,为了从你那儿,或者坦普尔小姐,或是任何一个我确实所爱的人那儿,得到真正的爱,我会心甘情愿忍受胳膊骨被折断,或者愿让一头公牛把我悬空抛起,或者站在一匹蹶腿的马后面,任马蹄踢向我胸膛--"

   "Hush, Jane! you think too much of the love of human beings; you aretoo impulsive, too vehement; the sovereign hand that created yourframe, and put life into it, has provided you with other resourcesthan your feeble self, or than creatures feeble as you. Besidesthis earth, and besides the race of men, there is an invisible worldand a kingdom of spirits: that world is round us, for it iseverywhere; and those spirits watch us, for they are commissioned toguard us; and if we were dying in pain and shame, if scorn smote uson all sides, and hatred crushed us, angels see our tortures,recognise our innocence (if innocent we be: as I know you are ofthis charge which Mr. Brocklehurst has weakly and pompously repeatedat second-hand from Mrs. Reed; for I read a sincere nature in yourardent eyes and on your clear front), and God waits only theseparation of spirit from flesh to crown us with a full reward.Why, then, should we ever sink overwhelmed with distress, when lifeis so soon over, and death is so certain an entrance to happiness--to glory?""

  嘘,简!你太看重人的爱了,你的感情太冲动你的情绪太激烈了。一只至高无上的手创造了你的躯体,又往里面注入了生命,这只手除了造就了你脆弱的自身,或者同你一样脆弱的创造物之外,还给你提供了别的财富。在地球和人类之外,还有一个看不见的世界,一个精灵王国。这个世界包围着我们,无所不在。那些精灵们注视着我们,奉命守护我们。要是我们在痛苦和耻辱中死去;要是来自四面八方的鄙视刺伤了我们;要是仇恨压垮了我们,天使们会看到我们遭受折磨,会承认我们清白无辜(如果我们确实清白无辜,我知道你受到了布罗克赫斯特先生指控,但这种指控软弱无力,夸大其词,不过是从里德太太那儿转手得来的,因为我从你热情的眼睛里,从你明净的前额上,看到了诚实的本性),上帝只不过等待灵魂与肉体分离,以赐予我们充分酬报。当生命很快结束,死亡必定成为幸福与荣耀的入口时,我们为什么还要因为忧伤而沉沦呢?"

   I was silent; Helen had calmed me; but in the tranquillity sheimparted there was an alloy of inexpressible sadness. I felt theimpression of woe as she spoke, but I could not tell whence it came;and when, having done speaking, she breathed a little fast andcoughed a short cough, I momentarily forgot my own sorrows to yieldto a vague concern for her.

  我默不作声。海伦已经使我平静下来了,但在她所传递的宁静里,混杂着一种难以言传的悲哀。她说话时我感受到了这种悲哀,但不知道它从何而来。话一讲完,她开始有点气急,短短地咳了几声,我立刻忘掉了自己的苦恼,隐隐约约地为她担起心来。

   Resting my head on Helen's shoulder, I put my arms round her waist;she drew me to her, and we reposed in silence. We had not sat longthus, when another person came in. Some heavy clouds, swept fromthe sky by a rising wind, had left the moon bare; and her light,streaming in through a window near, shone full both on us and on theapproaching figure, which we at once recognised as Miss Temple.

  我把头靠在海伦的肩上,双手抱住了她的腰,她紧紧搂住我,两人默默地偎依着。我们没坐多久,另外一个人进来了。这时,一阵刚起的风,吹开了沉重的云块,露出了月亮,月光泻进近旁的窗户,清晰地照亮了我们两人和那个走近的身影,我们立刻认出来,那是坦普尔小姐。

   "I came on purpose to find you, Jane Eyre," said she; "I want you inmy room; and as Helen Burns is with you, she may come too.""

  我是特地来找你的,简.爱,"她说,"我要你到我房间里去,既然海伦.彭斯也在,那她也一起来吧。"

  我们去了。在这位校长的带领下,我们穿过了一条条复杂的过道,登上一座楼梯,才到她的寓所。房间里炉火正旺,显得很惬意。坦普尔小姐叫海伦.彭斯坐在火炉一边的低靠手椅里,她自己在另一条靠手椅上坐下,把我叫到她身边。

   "Is it all over?" she asked, looking down at my face. "Have youcried your grief away?""

  全都过去了吗?"她俯身瞧着我的脸问。"把伤心都哭光了?"

   "I am afraid I never shall do that.""

  恐怕我永远做不到。"

   "Why?""

  为什么?"

   "Because I have been wrongly accused; and you, ma'am, and everybodyelse, will now think me wicked.""

  因为我被冤枉了,小姐,你,还有所有其他人,都会认为我很坏。"

  孩子,我们会根据你的表现来看待你的。继续做个好姑娘,你会使我满意的。"

   "Shall I, Miss Temple?""

  我会吗,坦普尔小姐?"

   "You will," said she, passing her arm round me. "And now tell mewho is the lady whom Mr. Brocklehurst called your benefactress?""

  你会的,"她说着用胳膊搂住我。"现在你告诉我,被布罗克赫斯特称为你的恩人的那位太太是谁?"

   "Mrs. Reed, my uncle's wife. My uncle is dead, and he left me toher care.""

  里德太太,我舅舅的妻子。我舅舅去世了,他把我交给她照顾。"

   "Did she not, then, adopt you of her own accord?""

  那他不是自己主动要抚养你了?"

  不是,小姐。她感到很遗憾,不得不抚养我。但我常听仆人们说,我舅舅临终前要她答应,永远抚养我。"

   "Well now, Jane, you know, or at least I will tell you, that when acriminal is accused, he is always allowed to speak in his owndefence. You have been charged with falsehood; defend yourself tome as well as you can. Say whatever your memory suggests is true;but add nothing and exaggerate nothing.""

  好吧,简,你知道,或者至少我要让你知道,罪犯在被起诉时,往往允许为自己辩护。你被指责为说谎,那你就在我面前尽力为自己辩护吧,凡是你记得的事实你都说,可别加油添醋,夸大其词。"

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名著·简.爱 - 第23节