名著·茶花女 - 第39节


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  “从王宫剧院来。”

   'I've been to the Opera, ' he said. 'I rather thought I'd see you there.'

  “我从大歌剧院来,”他对我说,“我还以为您也在那里呢。”

   'Why?'

  “为什么?”

   'Because Marguerite was there.'

  “因为玛格丽特在那儿。”

   'Oh! Was she?'

  “啊!她在那儿吗?”

  “在那儿。”

   'On her own?'

  “一个人吗?”

   'No, with one of her women friends.'

  “不是,跟一个女朋友在一起。”

   'Anyone else?'

  “没有别人吗?”

   'Count de G showed up in her box for a moment or two, but she went off with the Duke. I thought I'd see you appear any minute. I had a seat next to me which stayed empty the whole evening, and I was sure it had been paid for by you.'

  “G伯爵到她包厢里待了一会儿,但是她跟公爵一块儿走了。我一直以为您也会去的。我旁边有一个位子今天晚上一直空着,我还以为这个座位是您订下的呢。”

  “但是为什么玛格丽特到那儿去,我也得跟着去呢?”

   'Because, dammit, you're her lover!'

  “因为您是她的情人嘛,不是吗?”

   'And who told you that?'

  “那是谁对您说的?”

   'Prudence. I met her yesterday. I congratulate you, old boy. She's a pretty mistress to have, and it's not everybody that can have her. Hang on to her, she'll be a credit to you.'

  “普律当丝呀,我是昨天遇到她的。我祝贺您,我亲爱的,这可是一个不太容易到手的漂亮情妇哪,别让她跑了,她会替您争面子的。”

   This straightforward observation of Gaston's showed me how ridiculously touchy I was being.

  加斯东这个简单的反应,说明我的敏感有多么可笑。

  如果我昨天就遇到他,而且他也跟我这样讲的话,我肯定不会写早上那封愚蠢的信。

   I was on the point of going round to Prudence's and sending word to Marguerite that I had to talk to her. But I was afraid that, to get back at me, she would send word that she could not see me, and I returned home after walking by the rue d'Antin.

  我几乎马上想到普律当丝家里去,要她去对玛格丽特说我有话对她说,但是我又怕她为了报复而拒绝接待我。于是,我又经过昂坦街回到了家里。

   Once again I asked my porter if he had a letter for me.

  我又问了看门人有没有给我的信。

   Nothing!

  没有!

   'She'll have wanted to see whether I'd try some new move and retract my letter today, ' I told myself as I got into bed, 'but when she sees I haven't written to her, she'll write to me tomorrow.'

  我躺在床上想:“她大概要看看我还会耍什么新花样,看看我是不是想收回我今天早上的信。但是她看到我没有再给她写信,明天她就会写信给我的。”

  那天晚上我对自己的所作所为感到后悔莫及,我孤零零地呆在家里,不能入睡,心里烦躁不安,妒火中烧。想当初如果听任事情自然发展的话,我此刻大概正偎依在玛格丽特的身旁,听着她的绵绵情话,这些话我总共才听到过两次,每当我一个人想起这些话时,我都会两耳发热。

   The most dreadful part of my predicament was that logic put me in the wrong. Indeed, all the indications were that Marguerite loved me. In the first place, there was her scheme for spending a whole summer alone with me in the country. Then there was the plain fact that there was nothing that obliged her to be my mistress, for the money I had was insufficient for her needs or even her whims. So there was nothing more to it, on her part, than the hope of finding sincere affection through me which would be a relief from the mercenary loves which beset her life. And now, on the second day, I was in the process of blighting that hope and repaying with high-handed irony the two nights of love which I had accepted! What I was doing was therefore worse than ridiculous: it was dishonest. Had I simply paid the woman back in order to have the right to pass judgment on her way of life? And did not withdrawing on the second day make me look like some parasite of love who is afraid he is about to be presented with the bill for his dinner? It was extraordinary! I had known Marguerite for thirty-six hours, I had been her lover for twenty-four of them, and was acting like some easily injured party. Far from being only too delighted that she should divide her affections to include me, I wanted to have her all to myself, I wanted to force her, at a stroke, to put an end to the affairs of her past which, of course, represented the income of her future. What cause had I to reproach her? None. She had written to tell me she was unwell when she could easily have said bluntly, with the appalling frankness of some women, that she was expecting a lover; and instead of going along with her letter, instead of taking a walk in any street in Paris except the rue d'Antin, instead of spending the evening with my friends and presenting myself the next day at the time she had indicated, I was behaving like Othello, spying on her, thinking I was punishing her by not seeing her any more. But quite the reverse: she was probably delighted by this separation and must have thought me supremely inane. Her silence was nothing so grand as rancour: it was contempt.

  那时候我觉得最可怕的就是:理智告诉我是我错了;事实上,无论从哪个角度去想,都应该说玛格丽特是爱我的。第一,她准备跟我两个人单独到乡下去避暑;第二,没有任何原因迫使她做我的情妇。我的财产是不够她日常开销的,甚至还满足不了她一时兴起的零星开支。因此,她唯一有希望在我身上得到的是一种真诚的感情。她的生活充满了商业性的爱情,这种真诚的感情能使她得到休息;我却在第二天就毁了她这种希望,她两夜的恩情换来的是我无情的嘲笑。因此我的行为不但很可笑,而且很粗暴。我又没有付过她一个钱,哪有权利来谴责她的生活?我第二天就溜之大吉,这不就像一个情场上的寄生虫,生怕别人拿帐单要他付饭钱么?怎么!我认识玛格丽特才三十六个小时,做她的情人才二十四个小时,我就在跟她怄气了!她能分身来爱我,我非但不感到幸福,还想一人独占她,强迫她一下子就割断她过去的一切关系,而这些关系是她今后的生活来源。我凭什么可以责备她?一点也没有。她完全可以和某些大胆泼辣的女人一样,直截了当地告诉我说她要接待另外一个情人,但她没有这样做,她写信对我说她不舒服。我没有相信她信里的话,我没有到除了昂坦街以外的巴黎各条街道上去溜达,我没有跟朋友们一起去消磨这个晚上,等到第二天在她指定的时间再去会她,却扮演起奥赛罗①的角色来了,我窥视她的行动,自以为不再去看她是对她的惩罚。实际上恰恰相反,她应该为这种分离感到高兴,她一定觉得我愚蠢到极点,她的沉默甚至还谈不上是怨恨我,而是看不起我。

   At this point, I should have given Marguerite some present or other which would have left her in no doubt about my liberality and also allowed me, because I had treated her like any other kept woman, to believe that I had no further obligations towards her. But I felt that with the least hint of trade, I should degrade, if not the love she had for me, then at least the love I had for her; and since this love of mine was so pure that it refused to be shared with others, it was incapable of offering a present, however fine, as payment in full for the happiness, however brief, I had been given.

  那么我是不是该像对待一个妓女似的送玛格丽特一件礼物,别让她怀疑我吝啬刻薄,这样我们之间就两讫了;但是我不愿我们的爱情沾上一点点铜臭味,否则的话,即使不是贬低了她对我的爱情,至少也是玷污了我对她的爱情。再说既然这种爱情是那么纯洁,容不得别人染指,那么更不能用一件礼品--不论这件礼品有多么贵重--来偿付它赐予的幸福--无论这个幸福是多么短暂。

   This is what I kept telling myself over and over that night. I was ready at any moment to go and say it all to Marguerite.

  这就是我那天晚上翻来覆去所想的,也是我随时准备要去向玛格丽特说的。

   When morning came, I was still awake and feverish. I could not think of anything but Marguerite.

  一直到天亮我还没有睡着,我发烧了,除了玛格丽特外我什么都不想。

  您也懂得,必须做出果断的决定:要么跟这个女人一刀两断;要么从此不再多心猜疑,如果她仍然肯接待我的话。

   But, as you know, one always puts off taking crucial decisions: as a result, neither able to stay in my rooms nor daring to wait upon Marguerite, I embarked on a course of action that might lead to a reconciliation which, should it succeed, my pride could always blame on chance.

  但是您也知道,在下决心以前总是要踌躇再三的。我在家里呆不住,又不敢到玛格丽特那里去,我就想法子去接近她,一旦成功的话,就可以说是出于偶然,这样我的面子也能保住了。

   It was nine o'clock. I hurried round to Prudence's. She asked me to what she owed this early call.

  九点钟到了,我匆匆赶到普律当丝家里,她问我一清早去找她有什么事。

   I did not dare say openly what brought me. I replied that I had gone out early to book a seat on the coach for C, where my father lived.

  我不敢直率地告诉她我是为什么去的,我只是告诉她我一大早出门是为了在去C城的公共马车上订一个座位:我父亲住在C城。

   'You are very lucky, ' she said, 'to be able to get out of Paris in such marvellous weather.'

  “能在这样的好天气离开巴黎,”她对我说,“您真是好福气。”

  我望望普律当丝,寻思她是不是在讥笑我。

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名著·茶花女 - 第39节