名著·查太莱夫人的情人 - 第113节

　　她回了封信给克利福，想推辞这个会见，他复信说：如果你现在不回勒格贝来，我将判断你总有一天要回来的，我便依这判断行事，我将继续在这儿等候你，等五十年也成。

She was frightened. This was bullying of an insidious sort. She had no doubt he meant what he said. He would not divorce her, and the child would be his, unless she could find some means of establishing its illegitimacy.

After a time of worry and harassment, she decided to go to Wragby. Hilda would go with her. She wrote this to Clifford. He replied:

　　她被吓住了。这是一种阴险的威吓手段，她很知道他是这么说便这么做的。他将不提出离婚，于是孩子便要成为他的，除非她有证明不是。经过一番忧苦焦虎过后，她决定请希尔达陷她到勒格贝去。她把这个决定通知克利福，他回信说：

I shall not welcome your sister, but I shall not deity her the door. I have no doubt she has connived at your desertion of your duties and responsibilities, so do not expect me to show pleasure in seeing her.They went to Wragby. Clifford was away when they arrived. Mrs Bolton received them.

　　我不欢迎人的筋姊，但是我也不绝以闭门羹。毫无疑义，你的背弃义务与责任是她怂恿的，那么请你不要以为我将有一副笑脸去见她。她们到勒格贝时，适值克利福出去了，波太大出来迎接她们。

'Oh, your Ladyship, it isn't the happy home-coming we hoped for, is it!' she said. "

　　呵，夫人！这并不是我们所期望的'欣然归来'啊！"她说。

　　可不是！"康妮说。

So this woman knew! How much did the rest of the servants know or suspect? "

　　原来这妇人知道了！不知道其他的仆人知道多小，猜疑我小了呢？"

She entered the house, which now she hated with every fibre in her body. The great, rambling mass of a place seemed evil to her, just a menace over her. She was no longer its mistress, she was its victim.

　　她进了大门，现在这屋于是她恨之入骨的了，这种宽大散漫的地方，好象是个险恶的东西在她头上威吓着。她现在不是它的主妇，而是它的受难者了。

'I can't stay long here,' she whispered to Hilda, terrified. "

　　我不能在此久留。"她恐怖地对希尔达低语道。

And she suffered going into her own bedroom, re-entering into possession as if nothing had happened. She hated every minute inside the Wragby walls.

　　她很难过地进到她寝室里去，重新占有了这间房子，仿佛没有发生过什么事似的！在勒格贝四壁内的每一分钟，她感觉得憎恶。

　　直至她们下楼去晚餐的时候才会着克利福，他穿了晚服，结下了一条黑领带，他态度拘谨显得狠绅士的样子，在席间，他是十足文雅的，引领着一种文雅的谈话，可是一切都象带着一种狂昧。

'How much do the servants know?' asked Connie, when the woman was out of the room. "

　　仆人们都知道了么？"当女仆出去了时，康妮问道。

'Of your intentions? Nothing whatsoever.' "

　　你的事么？一点也不知道。"

'Mrs Bolton knows.' "

　　但是波太太却知道了。"

He changed colour.

　　他的颜色变了。

　　正确地说，波太太并不是个仆人呢。"他说。

'Oh, I don't mind.' "

　　啊，那我无所谓的。"

There was tension till after coffee, when Hilda said she would go up to her room.

　　咖啡过后，当希尔达说要回房里去时，情势紧张起来了。

Clifford and Connie sat in silence when she had gone. Neither would begin to speak. Connie was so glad that he wasn't taking the pathetic line, she kept him up to as much haughtiness as possible. She just sat silent and looked down at her hands.

　　她走后，克利福和康妮静坐着，两个人都不愿开口。康妮见他并不激动感情，心中倒觉舒泰。她竭力使他守着这种高傲的神气，她只静坐着，低头望着自己的两手。

'I suppose you don't at all mind having gone back on your word?' he said at last. "

　　我想你可以把你的话收吧？"他终于开口了。

　　我可不能。"她喃喃地说。

'But if you can't, who can?' "

　　但是你不能，谁能呢？"

'I suppose nobody.' "

　　我想没有人能。"

He looked at her with curious cold rage. He was used to her. She was as it were embedded in his will. How dared she now go back on him, and destroy the fabric of his daily existence? How dared she try to cause this derangement of his personality?

　　他怪冷酷地、狂怒地望着她。他是习愤了她的人，她可以说是他的生命和意志的一部分，她现在怎么胆敢对他失信，而把他日常生活的组织破坏了？她怎么胆敢把他的人格摇动了！

'And for what do you want to go back on everything?' he insisted. "

　　什么原因使你叛背一切？"他坚持着说。

　　爱情！"她说，还是说这句老话为妙。

'Love of Duncan Forbes? But you didn't think that worth having, when you met me. Do you mean to say you now love him better than anything else in life?' "

　　对旦肯·霍布斯的爱情？但是当你见到我的时候，你不觉得那是值得的吧？你不是想使我相信你爱他甚于一切吧！"

'One changes,' she said. "

　　一个人是要变的。"她说。

'Possibly! Possibly you may have whims. But you still have to convince me of the importance of the change. I merely don't believe in your love of Duncan Forbes.' "

　　也许！也许你是反复的。可是你还得使我确信这种变迁的重要。我简直不能相信你爱旦肯·堆布斯。"

'But why should you believe in it? You have only to divorce me, not to believe in my feelings.' "

　　为什么你定要相信呢？你只要提出离婚，而不必相信我的感情。"

　　为什么我定要提出离婚？"

'Because I don't want to live here any more. And you really don't want me.' "

　　因为我不愿再在这儿生活了。而你实在也不需要我了。"

'Pardon me! I don't change. For my part, since you are my wife, I should prefer that you should stay under my roof in dignity and quiet. Leaving aside personal feelings, and I assure you, on my part it is leaving aside a great deal, it is bitter as death to me to have this order of life broken up, here in Wragby, and the decent round of daily life smashed, just for some whim of yours.' "

　　你错了！我是不变的，在我这方面看来，你既是我的妻，我便愿你高贵地、安静地住在我的家里。一切感情的问题搁一在边一我确告你，我这方面搁开了不少，我觉得仅仅为了你的反复，便把勒格贝这儿的生活秩序破坏，便把这高尚的日常生活打碎，于我那是死一般难的。"

After a time of silence she said:

　　静默了一会，她说：

'I can't help it. I've got to go. I expect I shall have a child.' "

　　我没有法子。我一定得离开，我想我要有个孩子了。"