目 录 上一节 下一节 
剩下的唯一的东西，便是倔强的忍耐。而倔强的忍耐中，却有某种乐趣。在生命之空虚的经验本身中，一段一段地，一程一程地，有着某种可惊的满足，不过就是这样！这常常是最后一句话；家庭、爱情、结婚，蔑克里斯，不过就是这样！一个人到瞑目长眠的时候，向生命分别时的最后一句话也是：不过就是这样！ Money? Perhaps one couldn't say the same there. Money one always wanted. Money, Success, the bitch-goddess, as Tommy Dukes persisted in calling it, after Henry James, that was a permanent necessity. You couldn't spend your last sou, and say finally: So that's that! No, if you lived even another ten minutes, you wanted a few more sous for something or other. Just to keep the business mechanically going, you needed money. You had to have it. Money you have to have. You needn't really have anything else. So that's that! 至于金钱呢？也许我们使不能这样说。人总是需要金钱的。金钱，成功，这"财神"--这名字是唐米·督克斯依照亨利·詹姆士的说话，常常拿来象征成功的--那是永久需要的东西。你不能把你最后的一枚铜子花光了，结尾说：不过就是这样！不，甚至你还有十分钟生命，你还是需要几个铜子。若要使生命的机械运转不停，你便需要金钱，你得有钱。钱你得有。其他的什么东西你实在不需要。不过就是这样！ Since, of course, it's not your own fault you are alive. Once you are alive, money is a necessity, and the only absolute necessity. All the rest you can get along without, at a pinch. But not money. Emphatically, that's that! 当然，你在世上生活着，这并不是你的过错，你既生活着，你便需要金钱，这是唯一的绝对的需要品，其余一切都可以不要，你看，不过就是这样！ She thought of Michaelis, and the money she might have had with him; and even that she didn't want. She preferred the lesser amount which she helped Clifford to make by his writing. That she actually helped to make.---Clifford and I together, we make twelve hundred a year out of writing'; so she put it to herself. Make money! Make it! Out of nowhere. Wring it out of the thin air! The last feat to be humanly proud of! The rest all-my-eye-Betty-Martin. 她想着蔑克里斯，杨着她要是跟他时所能有的金钱，甚至这个，她还是不想要他，她宁愿帮助克利福用著作去内部矛盾来的小钱。因为这个钱实在是她帮助他赚来的。下-"克利福和我，我们用著作一年赚一千二百金镑。"她对自己这样说。赚钱！赚钱！从无中赚得！从稀薄的空气中赚得！这是一个人可以自夸的唯一的秣！此外一切都管它的！ So she plodded home to Clifford, to join forces with him again, to make another story out of nothingness: and a story meant money. Clifford seemed to care very much whether his stories were considered first-class literature or not. Strictly, she didn't care. Nothing in it! said her father. Twelve hundred pounds last year! was the retort simple and final. 这样。她缓缓地回到克利福那里去，重新和他合力一，从虚无中找出篇把小说：所谓小说，那便是金钱。克利袜好象很关心着他的小说是否被人认为第一流的文学，但是她，她却满不在乎。虽然她的父亲常说："克利福的作品里空洞无物。"但是她的简单坚决的回答是："去年赚了一千二百英解放军！" 
要是你年轻，你只要咬紧着牙；忍耐着，等到金钱从无中开始拥来，这是力量的问题，这是志愿的问题，一种微妙的、有力量的南愿从你身体里进发出来，使你感觉得金钱之神秘的空虚：一张纸上的一个宇，它是一种魔术，无疑地它是一个胜利。财神！要是一个人不得不出卖自身的话，还是卖给财神去好！我们甚至正在献身与他的时候，还可以轻蔑着她以求自慰。 Clifford, of course, had still many childish taboos and fetishes. He wanted to be thought really good', which was all cock-a-hoopy nonsense. What was really good was what actually caught on. It was no good being really good and getting left with it. It seemed as if most of the really good' men just missed the bus. After all you only lived one life, and if you missed the bus, you were just left on the pavement, along with the rest of the failures. 克利福当然还有许多孩子气的想头。他要人家视他为"真正好作家"，这是愚蠢的想头。真正好作家，是个能攫着许多读者的人。做一个"真正好作家"而没有读者，那有什么用？大部分的"真正好作家"都象赶不上搭公共汽车的人，究竟呢，你不过活一回要是你赶不上搭公共汽车，你便只好留在街头，和其他没有赶上车的失败者们在一起。 Connie was contemplating a winter in London with Clifford, next winter. He and she had caught the bus all right, so they might as well ride on top for a bit, and show it. 康妮计划着冬天来了时，要和克利福到伦敦去过一个冬。她和他都是好好地赶上了公共汽车的人。所以他们很可以骄傲地坐在上层焙耀一番。 The worst of it was, Clifford tended to become vague, absent, and to fall into fits of vacant depression. It was the wound to his psyche coming out. But it made Connie want to scream. Oh God, if the mechanism of the consciousness itself was going to go wrong, then what was one to do? Hang it all, one did one's bit! Was one to be let down absolutely? 最不幸的就是克利福日见趋于不着实，分心，而陷于空洞抑郁的病态中。这是他的灵魂的创伤外发了的缘故。可是这却使康妮觉得穷迫。啊，上帝呀！要是意识的运用不灵活了，这怎么好呢？由它罢，我们尽力做去好了，难道我们就这样让自己失尽了勇气么？ Sometimes she wept bitterly, but even as she wept she was saying to herself: Silly fool, wetting hankies! As if that would get you anywhere! 有时她悲痛地哭着，但是，她一边哭着，一边对自己说："傻子把一些手绢哭湿了；好象哭了就有什么用处似的！" 
自从她和蔑克里斯发生关系以后，她已下了决心不再需要什么东西了。没有办法解决时，这似乎是最蠢的解决方法。除了她自己已得到的东西外，她不再需要什么东西了。她只愿把她已得到的东西好好地料理下去。克利福，小说，勒格贝，查泰莱男爵夫人的地位，金钱，名誉。她要把这一切好好地料理下去！爱情、性欲这一类的东西，只是糖水！吞了它而把它忘记就是。如果你心里不牵挂着它，它是没有什么的，尤其是性欲……更没有什么！决心忍耐着，问题便解决了，性欲和一杯醉酒，都是一样地不能持久的东西，它们的效力是一样，它们的意义也差不多。 But a child, a baby! That was still one of the sensations. She would venture very gingerly on that experiment. There was the man to consider, and it was curious, there wasn't a man in the world whose children you wanted. Mick's children! Repulsive thought! As lief have a child to a rabbit! Tommy Dukes? he was very nice, but somehow you couldn't associate him with a baby, another generation. He ended in himself. And out of all the rest of Clifford's pretty wide acquaintance, there was not a man who did not rouse her contempt, when she thought of having a child by him. There were several who would have been quite possible as lover, even Mick. But to let them breed a child on you! Ugh! Humiliation and abomination. 但是一个孩子！一个婴儿j那却是令人兴奋的事情。她决不能冒昧从事。首先得要找到那个男子。说来也奇怪，世界上竞没有一个男子是她喜欢跟她生个孩子的。和蔑克生孩子吗？这是多么可憎的想法！那等于想我兔子生孩子一样！唐米，督克斯？……他是一个在自己身上完结的人。此外，在克利福的许多友人中，没有一个人不使她想到要和他生孩子便使她感到可鄙。其中虽然也有几个，如果拿来做情人还算可以过去，甚至和蔑克！但是若要和他们生个孩子，咳！那是屈辱而可憎的！ So that was that! 就是这样！ Nevertheless, Connie had the child at the back of her mind. Wait! wait! She would sift the generations of men through her sieve, and see if she couldn't find one who would do.---Go ye into the streets and by ways of Jerusalem, and see if you can find a man.' It had been impossible to find a man in the Jerusalem of the prophet, though there were thousands of male humans. But a man! C'est une autre chose! 虽然，康妮的心灵深处，却想着孩子。等待吧！她要把这些同代的男子们，在她的筛子上细筛一烟，看看有没有一个合用的。--"到耶路撒冷的街头巷角走走看，看你能找到一个'男子'不。"在这预言者的耶路撤冷，找不着一个男子，虽然那么雄性的人类多着，但是一个"男子"，那是不同的东西呵！ She had an idea that he would have to be a foreigner: not an Englishman, still less an Irishman. A real foreigner. 她想，也许，那得要一个外国人：不是英国人，更不是爱尔兰人，得要一个真正的外国人 
但是等待吧！等待吧！冬天来了她要带克利福到伦敦去，下一个冬天，她要带他到法国南部，或意大利去。等待罢！孩子和问题是不着急的。这是她的私事。对晕事她是怪女性的，她是十分郑重其事的。她决不会冒险、随便，她决不！一个人差不多随时都可以找到一个情人；但是找个使你生孩子的男人……那得等一等！等一等！那是很不同的事情。--"那耶路撤冷的街头巷角走走看……"这并不是爱情的问题，那是找一个？男子"的问题。呵，你私下也许要恨这相男子。但是，如果他是个你所要的男子，那么一点私人的恨有什么重要！这并不是恨与爱的问题哟。 It had rained as usual, and the paths were too sodden for Clifford's chair, but Connie would go out. She went out alone every day now, mostly in the wood, where she was really alone. She saw nobody there. 天下着雨，和通常一样，园里的路太湿了，克利福不便坐着车子出去，但是康妮还是想出去。现在她天天一个人出去，大部分是在树林里。那儿，她是真正的孤寂。愚不见半人影。 This day, however, Clifford wanted to send a message to the keeper, and as the boy was laid up with influenza, somebody always seemed to have influenza at Wragby, Connie said she would call at the cottage. 这千，克利福有什么话要吩咐守猎的人，而仆人却因患着流行感冒，不能起来--在勒格贝好象总有谁在患流行感冒似的--康妮说她可以到村舍那边去。
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