目 录 上一节 下一节 
我不知道。"他说，"我不知道。" And she knew he would never tell her anything he didn't want to tell her. She watched his face, and the passion for him moved in her bowels. She resisted it as far as she could, for it was the loss of herself to herself. 她明白了，他决不会对她说他所不愿说的事情的，她望着他的脸，她对他的热情，在她脏腑在颤动着，她尽力抑制着，因为她觉得自己迷失着了。 He put on his waistcoat and his coat, and pushed a way through to the path again. The last level rays of the sun touched the wood. 'I won't come with you,' he said; 'better not.' 他穿好了上衣和外套；在小杉树丛中避开了一条路直至小径上。落日的最后光辉，沉在树林梢头了，"我不送你了。"他说，"还是不送的好。" She looked at him wistfully before she turned. His dog was waiting so anxiously for him to go, and he seemed to have nothing whatever to say. Nothing left. 在他离开之前，她热情地望着他，他的狗儿不耐烦恼地等着他。她好象没有什么话好说了，再也没有什么了。 Connie went slowly home, realizing the depth of the other thing in her. Another self was alive in her, burning molten and soft in her womb and bowels, and with this self she adored him. She adored him till her knees were weak as she walked. In her womb and bowels she was flowing and alive now and vulnerable, and helpless in adoration of him as the most naive woman. It feels like a child, she said to herself it feels like a child in me. And so it did, as if her womb, that had always been shut, had opened and filled with new life, almost a burden, yet lovely. 康妮缓缓地归去，明白了在她的坦克面，另有一件深藏着的东西了。唱一个自我在她的里面活着，在她的子宫里，脏腑里，温柔地溶化着，燃烧着，她以这个眶我的全部，去崇拜她的情人，她崇拜到觉得走路时，两膝都柔软无力起来，在她的子宫里，脏腑里，她满足地，生气蓬勃地，脆弱地，不能自己地崇拜着他，好象一个最天真的妇人。她对自己说："那好象是个孩子，那好象有个孩子在我的里面。"……那是真的，她的子宫，好象一向是关闭着的，现在是展开了。给一个新的生命充实了，这新的生命虽然近于一种重负，但是却是可爱的。 
要是我有了孩子！"她心里想着，"要是我有了他的孩子在我的里面！"……想到了这个，她的四脚软怠了，她明白了有个自我的孩子，和有个全身全心欲爱着的男人的孩子，这其间是有天壤之别的，前者似乎是平凡的，但是从一个整个心欲崇拜着的男子得到孩子，那使她觉得和旧日的大不相同了。那使她深深地，深深地沉醉在一切女性的中心里，沉醉在开化以前的睡眠里。 It was not the passion that was new to her, it was the yearning adoration. She knew she had always feared it, for it left her helpless; she feared it still, lest if she adored him too much, then she would lose herself become effaced, and she did not want to be effaced, a slave, like a savage woman. She must not become a slave. She feared her adoration, yet she would not at once fight against it. She knew she could fight it. She had a devil of self-will in her breast that could have fought the full soft heaving adoration of her womb and crushed it. She could even now do it, or she thought so, and she could then take up her passion with her own will. 她所觉得新奇的并不是热情，而是那渴望的崇拜。这是她一向所惧怕的，因为这种崇拜的情感要使她失掉力量；她现在还在惧怕，唯恐她崇拜得过深时她要把自己迷失了，把自己抹杀了，她不愿象一个未开花的女子似地被抹煞而成为一个奴隶。她决不要成为一个奴隶，她惧怕她的崇拜的心情，但是她了愿立刻反抗起来，她胸中有个固执的意志，那是很可以对她子宫里的日见增大的崇拜的温情宣战而把它歼灭的。甚至现在，她可以这样做，至少她心里这样想，她可以忽意地驾驭她的热情。 Ah yes, to be passionate like a Bacchante, like a Bacchanal fleeing through the woods, to call on Iacchos, the bright phallos that had no independent personality behind it, but was pure god-servant to the woman! The man, the individual, let him not dare intrude. He was but a temple-servant, the bearer and keeper of the bright phallos, her own. 唉，是的，热情得象一个古罗马时代狂饮烂醉的酒神的女祭司，在树林中奔窜着找寻伊亚科斯，找寻这个无人性的，纯粹是的神仆赫阳物！男子，这个人，得不要让他僭越。他只是个库堂的司阉者，他只是那赫赫阳物的持有者与守护者，这阳物是属于女子的。 So, in the flux of new awakening, the old hard passion flamed in her for a time, and the man dwindled to a contemptible object, the mere phallos-bearer, to be torn to pieces when his service was performed. She felt the force of the Bacchae in her limbs and her body, the woman gleaming and rapid, beating down the male; but while she felt this, her heart was heavy. She did not want it, it was known and barren, birthless; the adoration was her treasure. It was so fathomless, so soft, so deep and so unknown. No, no, she would give up her hard bright female power; she was weary of it, stiffened with it; she would sink in the new bath of life, in the depths of her womb and her bowels that sang the voiceless song of adoration. It was early yet to begin to fear the man. 这样，在这新的醒觉中，古代的坚固的热情，在她心里燃了些时，把男子缩小成一个可陪鄙的东西，仅仅是一个阳物的持有者，当他尽他的职务是，全果被撕成碎片的，她觉得她的四肢和身体里面，有着那种古代狂欢节的族纵的女祭司的力量，有着那种蹂躏男性的热情而迅速的女人的力量。但是，当她觉着这个的时候，她的心是沉重的，她不要这一切，这一切都是不神秘的，光赤的，不育的，只有崇拜的温情才是她的宝藏，这写藏是这样的深奥而温柔，这样的神秘而不可思仪！不，不，不，她要放弃她的坚固的、光辉的、妇人权威，这东西使她觉得疲乏而僵硬；她要沉没在生命的新的洗浴里，沉没在无声地歌唱着崇拜之歌的她的子宫脏腑的深处，那未免太早去开始惧怕男子了。 'I walked over by Marehay, and I had tea with Mrs Flint,' she said to Clifford. 'I wanted to see the baby. It's so adorable, with hair like red cobwebs. Such a dear! Mr Flint had gone to market, so she and I and the baby had tea together. Did you wonder where I was?' " 我到玛尔海去散步来，并且和弗林太太喝了杯茶。"她对克利福说，"我是想去看她的孩子的，她的头发好象是好的蛛丝，这孩子真可爱，真是个宝贝！弗林上市场去了，所以她和我和孩子大家一起一吃了些茶点，你没有纳闷我到那儿去了吗？" 
是的，我纳闷不知你到那儿支他，但是我猜着你定是在什么地方喝茶去了，。克利福嫉妨地说，他的心眼里，觉察了她有着什么新的地方，有着什么她不太了解的地方，但是他把这个归因于孩子。他相信康妮之所苦脑，都是因为没有孩子，换句话，都是因为她不能机械地生个孩子。 'I saw you go across the park to the iron gate, my Lady,' said Mrs Bolton; 'so I thought perhaps you'd called at the Rectory.' " 夫人，我看见你穿过了花园打那铁门出去，。波太太说，"所以我想你恐怕是到牧师家里去了。" 'I nearly did, then I turned towards Marehay instead.' The eyes of the two women met: Mrs Bolton's grey and bright and searching; Connie's blue and veiled and strangely beautiful. Mrs Bolton was almost sure she had a lover, yet how could it be, and who could it be? Where was there a man? 这两今妇人的眼睛交视着，波太太的是灰色的，光耀的，探究的；康妮的是蓝色的，朦胧的，奇异地美丽的，波太太差不多断定康妮有了个情人了。但是这怎么可能呢？那里来个男子呢？ 'Oh, it's so good for you, if you go out and see a bit of company sometimes,' said Mrs Bolton. 'I was saying to Sir Clifford, it would do her ladyship a world of good if she'd go out among people more.' " 呵，不时出去走走，访访人家，于你是很有益处的。"波太太说，"我刚对克利福男爵说，如果夫人肯多出访访人，于她是有无限益处的。" 
是的，我觉得很高兴出去走一趟，克利福，那真是个可爱的孩子，这样玲珑而毫无忌惮"康妮说，"她的头发简直象蜘蛛网，有着光耀的橙红色，两只眼睛淡蓝得象磁做的一样，那奇妙而毫无忌惮自然呵，因为那是个女孩，否则不会这么大胆的。" 'You're right, my Lady---a regular little Flint. They were always a forward sandy-headed family,' said Mrs Bolton. " 夫人说得一点不错……那简直是个小弗林。他们一家都是多头发。都是毫无忌惮的。"波太太说。 'Wouldn't you like to see it, Clifford? I've asked them to tea for you to see it.' " 你喜欢看看她吗．克利福：我已经约了她们来虽茶，这样你就可以看看她了。" 'Who?' he asked, looking at Connie in great uneasiness. 'Mrs Flint and the baby, next Monday.' " 谁？"他一边说，一边怪不安地望着康妮。"弗林太太和她的女孩下星期一。" 'You can have them to tea up in your room,' he said. " 你可以请他们到楼上你房里去。"他说。 
怎么，你不想看看那孩子么？"她喊道。 'Oh, I'll see it, but I don't want to sit through a tea-time with them.' " 呵，看看倒无所谓但是我不想整个钟头和她们坐在一块几喝茶。" 'Oh,' cried Connie, looking at him with wide veiled eyes. " 呵！"康妮说着，两只朦胧的大眼睛望着他。 She did not really see him, he was somebody else. 其实她并没有看贝，他、他是另一个什么人。 'You can have a nice cosy tea up in your room, my Lady, and Mrs Flint will be more comfortable than if Sir Clifford was there,' said Mrs Bolton. " 你们可以舒舒服服地在你楼上房里用茶呢，夫人，克利福男爵不在一块儿。弗林太太要觉得自在得多的。"波太太说。
| 
