目 录 上一节 下一节 
我已经走到了门边，可是读者呀，我走了回来一-像我退出时一样坚决地走了回来。我跪倒在他旁边，我把他的脸从沙发垫转向我，我吻了吻他的脸颊，用手把他的头发撸服贴。 "God bless you, my dear master!" I said. "God keep you from harmand wrong--direct you, solace you--reward you well for your pastkindness to me."" 上帝祝福你，我亲爱的主人，"我说。"上帝会保护你免受伤害，免做错事--指引你，安慰你-一好好地报答你过去对我的好意。" "Little Jane's love would have been my best reward," he answered;"without it, my heart is broken. But Jane will give me her love:yes--nobly, generously."" 小简的爱将是我最好的酬报，"他回答说："没有它，我会心碎。但简会把她的爱给我，是的--既高尚又慷慨。" Up the blood rushed to his face; forth flashed the fire from hiseyes; erect he sprang; he held his arms out; but I evaded theembrace, and at once quitted the room. 血一下子涌到了我脸上，他的眼睛射出了火光。他猛地一跳，站直了身子，伸出双臂。但我躲开了拥抱，立刻走出了房间。 "Farewell!" was the cry of my heart as I left him. Despair added,"Farewell for ever!"" 别了，"我离开他时我的心儿在叫喊。绝望又使我加了一句话"永别了。" 
那天晚上我绝没有想到要睡，但我一躺到床上便睡着了。我在想象中又回到了孩提时代的情景。我梦见自己躺在盖茨黑德的红房子里，夜很黑，我的脑子里印着奇奇怪怪的恐惧。很久以前弄得我昏厥的光，又出现在这情景中，似乎溜上了墙，抖动着停在模糊的天花板中间。我抬头去看，只见屋顶已化解成了云彩，又高又暗。那光线像月亮冲破雾气时照在浓雾上的光。我看着月亮过来--带着奇怪的期待注视着，仿佛某种判决词将要刻写在圆圆的脸上。她从云层中冲了出来，从来没有什么月亮像她那么穿云破雾的。一只手伸进了她黑色的皱搁，把它挥走。随后碧空中出现了一个白色的人影，而不是月亮了，那人光芒四射的额头倾向东方，盯着我看了又看，并对我的灵魂说起话来，声音既远在天边，又近在咫尺。它在我耳朵里悄声说： "My daughter, flee temptation."" 我的女儿，逃离诱惑吧！" "Mother, I will."" 母亲，我会的。" So I answered after I had waked from the trance-like dream. It wasyet night, but July nights are short: soon after midnight, dawncomes. "It cannot be too early to commence the task I have tofulfil," thought I. I rose: I was dressed; for I had taken offnothing but my shoes. I knew where to find in my drawers somelinen, a locket, a ring. In seeking these articles, I encounteredthe beads of a pearl necklace Mr. Rochester had forced me to accepta few days ago. I left that; it was not mine: it was the visionarybride's who had melted in air. The other articles I made up in aparcel; my purse, containing twenty shillings (it was all I had), Iput in my pocket: I tied on my straw bonnet, pinned my shawl, tookthe parcel and my slippers, which I would not put on yet, and stolefrom my room. 从恍恍惚惚的睡梦中醒来后我作出了回答。时候依然还是夜间，但七月的夜很短，午夜过后不久，黎明便到来了。"我怎么着手该做的工作都不会嫌早的，"我想。我从床上爬起来，身上穿着衣服，因为除了鞋子我什么也没脱。我知道该在抽屉的哪个角落找到内衣，一个挂件和一只戒指。在找寻这些东西时，我看到了罗切斯特先生几天前硬要我收下的一串珍珠项链。我把它留了下来，这不是我的，却属于那位已幻化的梦境中的新娘。我把其余的东西打进一个包裹里。钱包里还有二十先令（我的全部家产），我把它放进了口袋。我系好草帽，别上披肩，，拿了包裹和那双没有穿上的拖鞋，悄悄地出了房间。 "Farewell, kind Mrs. Fairfax!" I whispered, as I glided past herdoor. "Farewell, my darling Adele!" I said, as I glanced towardsthe nursery. No thought could be admitted of entering to embraceher. I had to deceive a fine ear: for aught I knew it might now belistening." 再见了，善良的费尔法克斯太太！"我溜过她门口时悄声说。"再见了，我可爱的阿黛勒："我向育儿室瞥了一眼说。已不允许我有进去拥抱她-下的念头了。我得骗过那双很尖的耳朵、也许此刻正在侧耳细听呢。 
我本打算停也不停就走过罗切斯特先生的房间，但到了他门口，我的心便暂时停止了跳动，我的脚也被迫止步了。那里没有睡意，房中人不安地在墙内打转，我听见他一次又一次叹息着。要是我愿意，房间里有一个我的天堂一-暂时的天堂，我只要跨进门去说： "Mr. Rochester, I will love you and live with you through life tilldeath," and a fount of rapture would spring to my lips. I thoughtof this." 罗切斯特先生，我会生生死死爱你，同你相伴，"喜悦的泉水会涌向我嘴边，我想到了这情景。 That kind master, who could not sleep now, was waiting withimpatience for day. He would send for me in the morning; I shouldbe gone. He would have me sought for: vainly. He would feelhimself forsaken; his love rejected: he would suffer; perhaps growdesperate. I thought of this too. My hand moved towards the lock:I caught it back, and glided on. 那位善良的主人，此刻难以成眠，不耐烦地等待着破晓。他会在早上把我叫去，我却已经走了，他会派人找我，而白费工夫。他会觉得自己被抛弃，爱被拒绝了，他会痛苦，也许会变得绝望。我也想到了这-层，我的手伸向门锁，但又缩了回来，仍旧悄悄地往前走去。 Drearily I wound my way downstairs: I knew what I had to do, and Idid it mechanically. I sought the key of the side-door in thekitchen; I sought, too, a phial of oil and a feather; I oiled thekey and the lock. I got some water, I got some bread: for perhapsI should have to walk far; and my strength, sorely shaken of late,must not break down. All this I did without one sound. I openedthe door, passed out, shut it softly. Dim dawn glimmered in theyard. The great gates were closed and locked; but a wicket in oneof them was only latched. Through that I departed: it, too, Ishut; and now I was out of Thornfield. 我忧郁地走下弯曲曲的楼梯，知道该做什么，并机械地去做了。我找到了厨房边门的钥匙，还找了一小瓶油和一根羽毛，把钥匙和锁都抹上油。我也弄一点水和一些面包，因为也许得长途跋涉，我的体力最近已大伤元气，但千万不能倒下，我没有一丝声响做完了这一切，开了门，走了出去，轻轻地把它关上，黎明在院子里洒下了暗淡的光。大门紧闭着上了锁，但一扇边门只上了门栓。我从这扇门走了出去，随手又把它关上，现在我出了桑菲尔德。 A mile off, beyond the fields, lay a road which stretched in thecontrary direction to Millcote; a road I had never travelled, butoften noticed, and wondered where it led: thither I bent my steps.No reflection was to be allowed now: not one glance was to be castback; not even one forward. Not one thought was to be given eitherto the past or the future. The first was a page so heavenly sweet--so deadly sad--that to read one line of it would dissolve my courageand break down my energy. The last was an awful blank: somethinglike the world when the deluge was gone by. 一英里外田野的那边有一条路，伸向与米尔科特相反的方向。这条路我尽管常常看到，但从来没有走过，不知道它通向哪里。我信步朝那个方向走去。此刻不允许忆旧了，不允许往后看上一眼，甚至也不得往前看一眼。不能回想过去，也不能瞻望将来。过去是一页书，那么无比美妙--又是那么极度悲哀--读上一行就会打消我的勇气，摧毁我的精力。而未来是一个可怕的空白，仿佛洪水退去后的世界。 
我沿着田野、篱笆和小路走着，直到太阳升起。我想那是个可爱的夏日清晨，我知道离家时穿的鞋子已很快被露水打湿。但我既没看初升的太阳，微笑的天空，也没看苏醒的大自然。被带往断头台，路见漂亮景色的人，不会有心思去想路上朝他微笑的花朵，而只是想到行刑时的木砧和斧头的利刃，想到身首的分离想到最终张着大口的墓穴。我想到了令人丧气的逃跑和无家可归的流浪--呵，想起我离开的一切多么令人痛苦！而我又无可奈何。此刻我想起了他--在他的房间里--看着日出，希望我马上会去说，我愿意与他呆着，愿意属于他。我渴望属于他，渴望回去，现在还不算太晚。我能免除他失我的剧痛。而且可以肯定，我的逃跑还没有被发现。我可以回去，成为他的安慰者--他的骄傲，他的拯救者，免除他的悲苦，也许还有毁灭。呵，我担心他自暴自弃--比我自己的要担心的多--这多么强烈地刺激着我！这是插入我胸膛带倒钩的箭头，我想把它拔出来，它却撕裂着我，而记忆进一步将它往里推去。我疼痛难忍。小鸟在矮树丛和灌木林中开始歌唱。鸟儿忠于它们的伙伴，是爱的标志。而我又是什么呢？在内心的疼痛和狂热地恪守原则之中，我讨厌我自己。我没有从自责中找到安慰，甚至连自尊中也找不到它。我已经损害--伤害--离开了我的主人。在我自个儿眼中我也是可憎的。但我不能回去，甚至后退一步。上帝得继续领我向前。至于我自己的意志或良心，充满激情的忧伤已经把一个扼杀，使另一个窒息。我一面在路上孤独地走着，一面嚎啕大哭，越走越快，就像发了狂。一种虚弱从内心开始扩向四肢，攫住了我，我摔了一交。我在地上躺了一会，把脸埋在潮湿的草地上，我有些担心--或者说是希望--我会死在这儿。但我马上就起来了，先是四脚四手往前爬了一阵，随后再次站了起来--像以往那么急切和坚决地走到了大路上。
| 
