目 录 上一节 下一节 
是的，我现在感到，自己坚持原则和法规，蔑视和控制狂乱时刻缺乏理智的冲动是对的。上帝指引我作了正确的选择，我感谢上苍的指导！ Having brought my eventide musings to this point, I rose, went to mydoor, and looked at the sunset of the harvest-day, and at the quietfields before my cottage, which, with the school, was distant half amile from the village. The birds were singing their last strains - 薄暮时分，我想到这里便站了起来，走向门边，看看收获日子的夕阳，看看小屋前面静悄悄的田野，田野与学校离村庄有半英里。鸟儿们正唱着它们最后的一曲。 "The air was mild, the dew was balm."" 微风和煦，露水芬芳。" While I looked, I thought myself happy, and was surprised to findmyself ere long weeping--and why? For the doom which had reft mefrom adhesion to my master: for him I was no more to see; for thedesperate grief and fatal fury--consequences of my departure--whichmight now, perhaps, be dragging him from the path of right, too farto leave hope of ultimate restoration thither. At this thought, Iturned my face aside from the lovely sky of eve and lonely vale ofMorton--I say LONELY, for in that bend of it visible to me there wasno building apparent save the church and the parsonage, half-hid intrees, and, quite at the extremity, the roof of Vale Hall, where therich Mr. Oliver and his daughter lived. I hid my eyes, and leant myhead against the stone frame of my door; but soon a slight noisenear the wicket which shut in my tiny garden from the meadow beyondit made me look up. A dog--old Carlo, Mr. Rivers' pointer, as I sawin a moment--was pushing the gate with his nose, and St. Johnhimself leant upon it with folded arms; his brow knit, his gaze,grave almost to displeasure, fixed on me. I asked him to come in. 这么瞧着感到很愉快，而且惊异地发觉自己不久哭起来了--为什么？因为厄运硬是把两情依依的我与主人拆开；因为我再也见不到他了；因为绝望的忧伤和极度的愤怒一一我离开的后果--这些也许正拉着他远远离开正道，失去了最后改邪归正的希望。一想到这里我从黄昏可爱的天空和莫尔顿孤独的溪谷转过脸来--我说孤独，那是因为在山弯里，除了掩映在树从中的教堂和牧师住宅，以及另一头顶端住着有钱的奥利弗先生和他的女儿的溪谷庄园，再也看不见其他建筑了。我蒙住眼睛，把头靠在房子的石门框上。但不久那扇把我的小花园与外边草地分开的小门附近，传来了轻轻的响动，我便抬起头来。一条狗--不一会儿我看到是里弗斯先生的猎狗卡罗一-正用鼻子推着门。圣.约翰自己抱臂靠在门上，他双眉紧锁，严肃得近乎不快的目光盯着我，我把他请进了屋。 "No, I cannot stay; I have only brought you a little parcel mysisters left for you. I think it contains a colour-box, pencils,and paper."" 不，我不能久呆，我不过给你捎来了一个小包裹，是我妹妹们留给你的。我想里面有一个颜色盒，一些铅笔和纸张。" 
走过去收了下来，这是一件值得欢迎的礼品。我走近他时，我想他用严厉的目光审视着我。毫无疑问，我脸上明显有泪痕。 "Have you found your first day's work harder than you expected?" heasked." 你发觉第一天的工作比你预料的要难吗？"他问。 "Oh, no! On the contrary, I think in time I shall get on with myscholars very well."" 呵，没有！相反，我想到时候我会跟学生们处得很好。" "But perhaps your accommodations--your cottage--your furniture--havedisappointed your expectations? They are, in truth, scanty enough;but--" I interrupted -" 可是也许你的居住条件--你的房子--你的家具一-使你大失所望？说真的是够寒碜的，不过--"我打断了他： "My cottage is clean and weather-proof; my furniture sufficient andcommodious. All I see has made me thankful, not despondent. I amnot absolutely such a fool and sensualist as to regret the absenceof a carpet, a sofa, and silver plate; besides, five weeks ago I hadnothing--I was an outcast, a beggar, a vagrant; now I haveacquaintance, a home, a business. I wonder at the goodness of God;the generosity of my friends; the bounty of my lot. I do notrepine."" 我的小屋很干净，也经得住风雨。我的家具很充足，使用起来也方便。我所看到的只能使我感到幸运，而不是沮丧。我绝不是这样一个傻瓜和享乐主义者，居然对缺少地毯、沙发、银盘而懊悔不已。更何况五周前我一无所有--我当时是一个弃儿、一个乞丐、一个流浪者。现在我有了熟人，有了家，有了工作。我惊异于上帝的仁慈，朋友的慷慨，命运的恩惠。我并不感到烦恼。" 
可是你不觉得孤独是一种压抑吗？你身后的小房子黑咕隆咚，空空荡荡，" "I have hardly had time yet to enjoy a sense of tranquillity, muchless to grow impatient under one of loneliness."" 我几乎还没有时间来欣赏一种宁静感，更没有时间为孤独感而显得不耐烦了。" "Very well; I hope you feel the content you express: at any rate,your good sense will tell you that it is too soon yet to yield tothe vacillating fears of Lot's wife. What you had left before I sawyou, of course I do not know; but I counsel you to resist firmlyevery temptation which would incline you to look back: pursue yourpresent career steadily, for some months at least."" 很好。我希望你体会到了你自己所说的满足，不管怎么说，你健全的理智会告诉你，像罗得的妻子那样犹犹豫豫，畏首畏尾，还为时过早。我见到你之前你遇到了什么，我无从知道，但我劝你要坚决抵制回头看的诱惑，坚守你现在的事业，至少干它几个月。" "It is what I mean to do," I answered. St. John continued -" 那正是我想做的，"我回答。圣.约翰继续说： "It is hard work to control the workings of inclination and turn thebent of nature; but that it may be done, I know from experience.God has given us, in a measure, the power to make our own fate; andwhen our energies seem to demand a sustenance they cannot get--whenour will strains after a path we may not follow--we need neitherstarve from inanition, nor stand still in despair: we have but toseek another nourishment for the mind, as strong as the forbiddenfood it longed to taste--and perhaps purer; and to hew out for theadventurous foot a road as direct and broad as the one Fortune hasblocked up against us, if rougher than it." 要控制意愿，改变天性并不容易，但从经验来看是可以做到的。上帝给了我们一定力量来创造自己的命运。我们的精力需要补充而又难以如愿的时候--我们的意志一意孤行，要走不该走的路的时候一-我们不必因食物不足而挨饿，或者因为绝望而止步。我们只要为心灵寻找另一种养料，它像渴望一尝的禁果那样滋养，也许还更为清醇。要为敢于冒险的双脚开辟出一条路来，虽然更加坎坷，却同命运将我们堵塞的路一样直，一样宽。" 
一年之前，我也极其痛苦，觉得当牧师是一大错误。它千篇一律的职责乏味得要死。我热烈向往世间更活跃的生活-一向往文学经历更激动人心的劳作一-向往艺术家、作家、演说家的命运，只要不当牧师，随便当什么都可以。是的，一个政治家、一个士兵、一个光荣事业的献身者、一个沽名钓誉者、一个权力欲很强的人的一颗心，在牧师的法衣下跳动。我认为我的生活是悲惨的，必须加以改变，否则我得死去。经过一段黑暗和挣扎的时期，光明到来，宽慰降临。我那原先狭窄的生活，突然间扩展到一望无垠的平原-一我的能力听到了上天的召唤，起来，全力以赴，张开翅膀，任意飞翔。上帝赐予我一项使命，要做到底做得好，技巧和力量、勇气和雄辩等士兵、政治家、演说家的最好质都是必不可少的，因为一个出色的传教士都集这些于一身。 "A missionary I resolved to be. From that moment my state of mindchanged; the fetters dissolved and dropped from every faculty,leaving nothing of bondage but its galling soreness--which time onlycan heal. My father, indeed, imposed the determination, but sincehis death, I have not a legitimate obstacle to contend with; someaffairs settled, a successor for Morton provided, an entanglement ortwo of the feelings broken through or cut asunder--a last conflictwith human weakness, in which I know I shall overcome, because Ihave vowed that I WILL overcome--and I leave Europe for the East."" 我决心当个传教士。从那一刻起我的心态起了变化，镣铐熔化了，纷纷脱离我的官能，留下的不是羁绊而是擦伤的疼痛-一那只有时间才能治愈。其实我父亲反对我的决定，但自他去世以后，我已没有合法的障碍需要排除。一些事务已经妥善处理，莫尔顿的后继者也已经找到。一两桩感情纠葛已经冲破或者割断--这是与人类弱点的最后斗争，我知道我能克服，因为我发誓我一定要克服它--我离开欧洲去东方。" He said this, in his peculiar, subdued, yet emphatic voice; looking,when he had ceased speaking, not at me, but at the setting sun, atwhich I looked too. Both he and I had our backs towards the pathleading up the field to the wicket. We had heard no step on thatgrass-grown track; the water running in the vale was the one lullingsound of the hour and scene; we might well then start when a gayvoice, sweet as a silver bell, exclaimed - 他说这话的时候用的是奇怪、克制却又强调的口吻。说完了抬起头来，不是看我，而是看着落日，我也看了起来。他和我都背朝着从田野通向小门的小径。在杂草丛生的小径上，我们没有听到脚步声，此时此刻此情此景中，唯一让人陶醉的声音是潺潺的溪流声。因此当一个银铃似的欢快甜蜜的嗓音叫起来时，我们很吃了一惊： "Good evening, Mr. Rivers. And good evening, old Carlo. Your dogis quicker to recognise his friends than you are, sir; he prickedhis ears and wagged his tail when I was at the bottom of the field,and you have your back towards me now."" 晚上好，里弗斯先生，晚上好，老卡罗。你的狗比你先认出了你的朋友来呢，我还在底下田野上，他已经竖起耳朵，摇起尾巴来了，而你到现在还把背向着我。"
| 
