目 录 上一节 下一节 
圣.约翰！你过去总把简叫作你的第三个妹妹，不过你并没有这么待她，你应当也吻她。" She pushed me towards him. I thought Diana very provoking, and feltuncomfortably confused; and while I was thus thinking and feeling,St. John bent his head; his Greek face was brought to a level withmine, his eyes questioned my eyes piercingly--he kissed me. Thereare no such things as marble kisses or ice kisses, or I should saymy ecclesiastical cousin's salute belonged to one of these classes;but there may be experiment kisses, and his was an experiment kiss.When given, he viewed me to learn the result; it was not striking:I am sure I did not blush; perhaps I might have turned a littlepale, for I felt as if this kiss were a seal affixed to my fetters.He never omitted the ceremony afterwards, and the gravity andquiescence with which I underwent it, seemed to invest it for himwith a certain charm. 她把我推向他。我想黛安娜也是够惹人恼火的，一时心里乱糟糟的很不舒服。我正这么心有所想并有所感时，圣.约翰低下了头，他那希腊式的面孔，同我的摆到了一个平面上，他的眼睛穿心透肺般地探究着我的眼睛--他吻了我。世上没有大理石吻或冰吻一类的东西，不然我应当说，我的牧师表哥的致意，属于这种性质。可是也许有实验性的吻，他的就是这样一种吻。他吻了我后，还打量了我一下，看看有什么结果。结果并不明显，我肯定没有脸红，也许有点儿苍白，因为我觉得这个吻仿佛是贴在镣铐上的封条。从此以后他再也没有忽略这一礼节，每次我都严肃庄重，默默无言地忍受着，在他看来似乎又为这吻增加了魅力。 As for me, I daily wished more to please him; but to do so, I feltdaily more and more that I must disown half my nature, stifle halfmy faculties, wrest my tastes from their original bent, force myselfto the adoption of pursuits for which I had no natural vocation. Hewanted to train me to an elevation I could never reach; it racked mehourly to aspire to the standard he uplifted. The thing was asimpossible as to mould my irregular features to his correct andclassic pattern, to give to my changeable green eyes the sea-bluetint and solemn lustre of his own. 至于我，每天都更希望讨他喜欢。但是这么一来，我越来越觉得我必须抛却一半的个性，窒息一半的官能，强行改变原有的情趣，强迫去从事自己缺乏禀性来完成的事业。他要把我提携到我永远无法企及的高度。每时每刻我都为渴求达到他的标准而受着折磨。这是不可能付诸实现的，就像要把我那不规则的面容，塑造成他标准的古典模式，也象要把他的海蓝色泽和庄重的光彩，放进我那不可改变的青色眼睛里。 Not his ascendancy alone, however, held me in thrall at present. Oflate it had been easy enough for me to look sad: a cankering evilsat at my heart and drained my happiness at its source--the evil ofsuspense. 然而，使我目前动弹不得的不全是他的支配意识。最近我很容易显出伤心来，一个腐朽的恶魔端坐在我的心坎上，吸干了我幸福的甘泉-一这就是忧心恶魔。 Perhaps you think I had forgotten Mr. Rochester, reader, amidstthese changes of place and fortune. Not for a moment. His idea wasstill with me, because it was not a vapour sunshine could disperse,nor a sand-traced effigy storms could wash away; it was a namegraven on a tablet, fated to last as long as the marble itinscribed. The craving to know what had become of him followed meeverywhere; when I was at Morton, I re-entered my cottage everyevening to think of that; and now at Moor House, I sought my bedroomeach night to brood over it. 读者，你也许以为在地点和命运的变迁中，我已经忘掉了罗切斯特先生。说真的，一刻都没有忘记。我仍旧思念着他，因为这不是阳光就能驱散的雾气，也不是风暴便可吹没的沙造人像。这是刻在碑文上的一个名字，注定要像刻着它的大理石那样长存。无论我走到哪里，我都渴望知道他的情况。在莫尔顿的时候，我每晚一踏进那间小屋便惦记起他来；这会儿在沼泽居，每夜一走进自己的卧室，便因为他而心潮起伏。 
为了遗嘱的事我不得不写信给布里格斯先生时，问他是不是知道罗切斯先生目前的地址和健康状况。但就像圣.约翰猜想的那样，他对他的情况一无所知。我随后写信给费尔法克斯太太，求她谈谈有关情况。我原以为这一步肯定能达到我的目的，确信会早早地得到她的回音。二个星期过去了，还是没有收到回信，我万分惊讶。而两个月逝去，日复一日邮件到来，却没有我的信，我便深为忧虑了。 I wrote again: there was a chance of my first letter having missed.Renewed hope followed renewed effort: it shone like the former forsome weeks, then, like it, it faded, flickered: not a line, not aword reached me. When half a year wasted in vain expectancy, myhope died out, and then I felt dark indeed. 我再次写了信，因为第一封有可能是丢失的。新的希望伴随着新的努力而来，象上次一样闪了一下光，随后也一样摇曳着淡去了。我没有收到一行字，一句话。在徒劳的企盼中半年已经过去，我的希望幻灭了，随后便觉得真的堕入了黑暗。 A fine spring shone round me, which I could not enjoy. Summerapproached; Diana tried to cheer me: she said I looked ill, andwished to accompany me to the sea-side. This St. John opposed; hesaid I did not want dissipation, I wanted employment; my presentlife was too purposeless, I required an aim; and, I suppose, by wayof supplying deficiencies, he prolonged still further my lessons inHindostanee, and grew more urgent in requiring their accomplishment:and I, like a fool, never thought of resisting him--I could notresist him. 风和日丽的春天，我无意消受。夏天就要到了，黛安娜竭力要使我振作起来，说是我脸有病容，希望陪我上海边去。圣.约翰表示反对，他说我并不需要散漫，却缺些事儿干干。我眼下的生活太无所用心，需要有个目标。我想大概是为了补缺，他进一步延长了我的印度斯坦语课，并更迫切地要我去完成。我象一个傻瓜，从来没有想到要反抗--我无法反抗他。 One day I had come to my studies in lower spirits than usual; theebb was occasioned by a poignantly felt disappointment. Hannah hadtold me in the morning there was a letter for me, and when I wentdown to take it, almost certain that the long-looked for tidingswere vouchsafed me at last, I found only an unimportant note fromMr. Briggs on business. The bitter check had wrung from me sometears; and now, as I sat poring over the crabbed characters andflourishing tropes of an Indian scribe, my eyes filled again. 一天，我开始了我的功课，情绪比往常要低。我的无精打采是一种强烈感受到的失望所引起的。早上汉娜告诉我有我的一封信，我下楼去取的时候，心里几乎十拿九稳，该是久盼的消息终于来了。但我发现不过是一封无关紧要的短简，是布里格斯先生的公务信。我痛苦地克制自己，但眼泪夺眶而出。而我坐着细读印度文字难辨的字母和华丽的比喻时，泪水又涌了上来。 St. John called me to his side to read; in attempting to do this myvoice failed me: words were lost in sobs. He and I were the onlyoccupants of the parlour: Diana was practising her music in thedrawing-room, Mary was gardening--it was a very fine May day, clear,sunny, and breezy. My companion expressed no surprise at thisemotion, nor did he question me as to its cause; he only said - 圣.约翰把我叫到他旁边去读书，但我的嗓子不争气，要读的词语被啜泣淹没了。客厅里只有他和我两人，黛安娜在休憩室练习弹唱，玛丽在整园子--这是个晴朗的五月天，天清气爽，阳光明丽，微风阵阵。我的同伴对我这种情绪并未表示惊奇，也没有问我是什么缘故，他只是说： 
我们停几分钟吧，简，等你镇静下来再说。"我赶紧忍住不再发作，而他镇定而耐心地坐着，靠在书桌上，看上去像个医生，用科学的眼光，观察着病人的险情，这种险情既在意料之中又是再明白不过的。我止住了哽咽，擦去了眼泪，嘟哝着说是早上身体不好，又继续我的功课，并终于完成了，圣.约翰把我的书和他的书放在一边，锁了书桌，说：-- "Now, Jane, you shall take a walk; and with me."" 好吧，简，你得去散散步，同我一起去。" "I will call Diana and Mary."" 我来叫黛安娜和玛丽。" "No; I want only one companion this morning, and that must be you.Put on your things; go out by the kitchen-door: take the roadtowards the head of Marsh Glen: I will join you in a moment."" 不，今天早上我只要一个人陪伴，一定得是你。穿上衣服，从厨房门出去，顺着通往沼泽谷源头的路走，我马上会赶来的。" I know no medium: I never in my life have known any medium in mydealings with positive, hard characters, antagonistic to my own,between absolute submission and determined revolt. I have alwaysfaithfully observed the one, up to the very moment of bursting,sometimes with volcanic vehemence, into the other; and as neitherpresent circumstances warranted, nor my present mood inclined me tomutiny, I observed careful obedience to St. John's directions; andin ten minutes I was treading the wild track of the glen, side byside with him. 我不知道有折中的办法。在与同我自己的性格相左的那种自信冷酷的个性打交道时，我不知道在绝对屈服和坚决反抗之间，生活中还有什么中间道路。我往往忠实执行一种方法，有时终于到了似火山喷涌，一触即发的地步，接着便转变成执行另一种方法了。既然眼前的情况不能保证我起来反抗，而我此刻的心境又无意反抗，我便审慎地服从了圣.约翰的指令，十分钟后。我与他并肩踩在幽谷的野径上了。 
微风从四面吹来，飘过山峦，带来了欧石南和灯心草的芳香。天空湛蓝湛蓝，小溪因为下过春雨而上涨，溪水流下山谷，充盈清沏，从太阳那儿借得了金光，从天空中吸取了蓝宝石的色泽。我们往前走着离开了小径，踏上了一块细如苔藓、青如绿宝石的柔软草地，草地上精细地点缀着一种白色的小花，并闪耀着一种星星似的黄花。山峦包围着我们，因为溪谷在靠近源头的地方蜿蜒伸到了山峦之中。 "Let us rest here," said St. John, as we reached the firststragglers of a battalion of rocks, guarding a sort of pass, beyondwhich the beck rushed down a waterfall; and where, still a littlefarther, the mountain shook off turf and flower, had only heath forraiment and crag for gem--where it exaggerated the wild to thesavage, and exchanged the fresh for the frowning--where it guardedthe forlorn hope of solitude, and a last refuge for silence." 让我们在这儿歇一下吧，"圣.约翰说，这时我们已来到了一个岩石群的第一批散乱的石头跟前。这个岩石群守卫着隘口，一条小溪从隘口的另一头飞流直下，形成了瀑布。再远一点的地方，山峦抖落了身上的草地和花朵，只剩下欧石南蔽体，岩石作珠宝--在这里山把荒凉夸大成了蛮荒，用愁眉苦脸来代替精神饱满--在这里，山为孤寂守护着无望的希望，为静穆守护着最后的避难所。
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