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我在盖茨黑德府上格格不入。在那里我跟谁都不像。同里德太太、她的孩子、她看中的家仆，都不融洽。他们不爱我，说实在我也一样不爱他们。他们没有必要热情对待一个与自已合不来的家伙，一个无论是个性、地位，还是嗜好都同他们泾渭分明的异己；一个既不能为他们效劳，也不能给他们增添欢乐的废物；一个对自己的境界心存不满而又蔑视他们想法的讨厌家伙。我明白，如果我是一个聪明开朗、漂亮顽皮、不好侍候的孩子，即使同样是寄人篱下，同样是无亲无故，里德太太也会对我的处境更加宽容忍让；她的孩子们也会对我亲切热情些；佣人们也不会一再把我当作保育室的替罪羊了。 Daylight began to forsake the red-room; it was past four o'clock,and the beclouded afternoon was tending to drear twilight. I heardthe rain still beating continuously on the staircase window, and thewind howling in the grove behind the hall; I grew by degrees cold asa stone, and then my courage sank. My habitual mood of humiliation,self-doubt, forlorn depression, fell damp on the embers of mydecaying ire. All said I was wicked, and perhaps I might be so;what thought had I been but just conceiving of starving myself todeath? That certainly was a crime: and was I fit to die? Or wasthe vault under the chancel of Gateshead Church an inviting bourne?In such vault I had been told did Mr. Reed lie buried; and led bythis thought to recall his idea, I dwelt on it with gathering dread.I could not remember him; but I knew that he was my own uncle--mymother's brother--that he had taken me when a parentless infant tohis house; and that in his last moments he had required a promise ofMrs. Reed that she would rear and maintain me as one of her ownchildren. Mrs. Reed probably considered she had kept this promise;and so she had, I dare say, as well as her nature would permit her;but how could she really like an interloper not of her race, andunconnected with her, after her husband's death, by any tie? Itmust have been most irksome to find herself bound by a hard-wrungpledge to stand in the stead of a parent to a strange child shecould not love, and to see an uncongenial alien permanently intrudedon her own family group. 红房子里白昼将尽。时候已是四点过后，暗沉沉的下午正转为凄凉的黄昏。我听见雨点仍不停地敲打着楼梯的窗户，狂风在门厅后面的树丛中怒号。我渐渐地冷得像块石头，勇气也烟消云 散。往常那种屈辱感，那种缺乏自信、孤独沮丧的情绪，浇灭了我将消未消的怒火，谁都说我坏，也许我确实如此吧。我不是一心谋划着让自己饿死吗？这当然是一种罪过。而且我该不该死呢？或者，盖茨黑德教堂圣坛底下的墓穴是个令人向往的归宿吗？听说里德先生就长眠在这样的墓穴里。这一念头重又勾起了我对他的回忆，而越往下细想，就越害怕起来。我已经不记得他了，只知道他是我舅父--我母亲的哥哥--他收养了我这个襁褓中的孤儿，而且在弥留之际，要里德太太答应，把我当作她自己的孩子来抚养。里德太太也许认为自己是信守诺言的。而我想就她本性而论，也确是实践了当初的许诺。可是她怎么能真心喜欢一个不属于她家的外姓、一个在丈夫死后同她已了却一切干系的人呢？她发现自己受这勉为其难的保证的约束，充当一个自己所无法喜爱的陌生孩子的母亲，眼睁睁看着一位不相投合的外人永远硬挤在自己的家人中间。对她来说，这想必是件最恼人的事情了。 A singular notion dawned upon me. I doubted not--never doubted--that if Mr. Reed had been alive he would have treated me kindly; andnow, as I sat looking at the white bed and overshadowed walls--occasionally also turning a fascinated eye towards the dimlygleaning mirror--I began to recall what I had heard of dead men,troubled in their graves by the violation of their last wishes,revisiting the earth to punish the perjured and avenge theoppressed; and I thought Mr. Reed's spirit, harassed by the wrongsof his sister's child, might quit its abode--whether in the churchvault or in the unknown world of the departed--and rise before me inthis chamber. I wiped my tears and hushed my sobs, fearful lest anysign of violent grief might waken a preternatural voice to comfortme, or elicit from the gloom some haloed face, bending over me withstrange pity. This idea, consolatory in theory, I felt would beterrible if realised: with all my might I endeavoured to stifle it--I endeavoured to be firm. Shaking my hair from my eyes, I liftedmy head and tried to look boldly round the dark room; at this momenta light gleamed on the wall. Was it, I asked myself, a ray from themoon penetrating some aperture in the blind? No; moonlight wasstill, and this stirred; while I gazed, it glided up to the ceilingand quivered over my head. I can now conjecture readily that thisstreak of light was, in all likelihood, a gleam from a lanterncarried by some one across the lawn: but then, prepared as my mindwas for horror, shaken as my nerves were by agitation, I thought theswift darting beam was a herald of some coming vision from anotherworld. My heart beat thick, my head grew hot; a sound filled myears, which I deemed the rushing of wings; something seemed near me;I was oppressed, suffocated: endurance broke down; I rushed to thedoor and shook the lock in desperate effort. Steps came runningalong the outer passage; the key turned, Bessie and Abbot entered. 我忽然闪过一个古怪的念头。我不怀疑-一也从来没有怀疑过--里德先生要是在世，一定会待我很好。此刻，我坐着，一面打量着白白的床和影影绰绰的墙，不时还用经不住诱惑的目光，瞟一眼泛着微光的镜子，不由得忆起了关于死人的种种传闻。据说由于人们违背了他们临终的嘱托，他们在坟墓里非常不安，于是便重访人间，严惩发假誓的人，并为受压者报仇。我思忖，里德先生的幽灵为外甥女的冤屈所动，会走出居所，不管那是教堂的墓穴，还是死者无人知晓的世界，来到这间房子，站在我面前。我抹去眼泪，忍住哭泣，担心嚎啕大哭会惊动什么不可知的声音来抚慰我，或者在昏暗中召来某些带光环的面孔，露出奇异怜悯的神色，俯身对着我。这念头听起来很令人欣慰，不过要是真的做起来，想必会非常可怕。我使劲不去想它，抬起头来，大着胆子环顾了一下暗洞洞的房间。就在这时，墙上闪过一道亮光。我问自己，会不会是一缕月光，透过百叶窗的缝隙照了进来？不，月光是静止的，而这透光却是流动的。停晴一看，这光线滑到了天花板上，在我头顶上抖动起来。现在我会很自然地联想到，那很可能是有人提着灯笼穿过草地时射进来的光。但那会儿，我脑子里尽往恐怖处去想，我的神经也由于激动而非常紧张，我认为那道飞快掠过的光，是某个幽灵从另一个世界到来的先兆。我的心怦怦乱跳，头脑又热又胀，耳朵里呼呼作响，以为那是翅膀拍击声，好像什么东西已经逼近我了。我感到压抑，感到窒息，我的忍耐力崩溃了，禁不住发疯似地大叫了一声，冲向大门，拼命摇着门锁。外面们廊上响起了飞跑而来的脚步声，钥匙转动了，贝茜和艾博特走进房间。 "Oh! I saw a light, and I thought a ghost would come." I had nowgot hold of Bessie's hand, and she did not snatch it from me." 啊！我看到了一道光，想必是鬼来了。"这时，我拉住了贝茜的手，而她并没有抽回去。 "She has screamed out on purpose," declared Abbot, in some disgust."And what a scream! If she had been in great pain one would haveexcused it, but she only wanted to bring us all here: I know hernaughty tricks."" 她是故意乱叫乱嚷的，"艾博特厌烦地当着我的面说，"而且叫得那么凶！要是真痛得厉害，倒还可以原谅，可她只不过要把我们骗到这里来，我知道她的诡计。" 
到底是怎么回事？"一个咄咄逼人的声音问道。随后，里德太太从走廊里走过来，帽子飘忽着被风鼓得大大的，睡袍悉悉簌簌响个不停。"艾博特，贝茜，我想我吩咐过，让简.爱呆在红房子里，由我亲自来过问。" "Miss Jane screamed so loud, ma'am," pleaded Bessie." 简小姐叫得那么响，夫人，"贝茵恳求着。 "Let her go," was the only answer. "Loose Bessie's hand, child:you cannot succeed in getting out by these means, be assured. Iabhor artifice, particularly in children; it is my duty to show youthat tricks will not answer: you will now stay here an hour longer,and it is only on condition of perfect submission and stillness thatI shall liberate you then."" 放开她，"这是唯一的回答。"松开贝茵的手，孩子。你尽可放心，靠这些办法，是出不去的，我讨厌耍花招，尤其是小孩子，我有责任让你知道，鬼把戏不管用。现在你要在这里多呆一个小时，而且只有服服贴贴，一动不动，才放你出来。" "O aunt! have pity! Forgive me! I cannot endure it--let me bepunished some other way! I shall be killed if--"" 啊，舅妈，可怜可怜我吧：饶恕我吧！我实在受不了啦，用别的办法惩罚我吧！我会憋死的，要是--" "Silence! This violence is all most repulsive:" and so, no doubt,she felt it. I was a precocious actress in her eyes; she sincerelylooked on me as a compound of virulent passions, mean spirit, anddangerous duplicity." 住嘴！这么闹闹嚷嚷讨厌透了。"她无疑就是这么感觉的。在她眼里我是个早熟的演员，她打心底里认为，我是个本性恶毒、灵魂卑劣、为人阴险的货色。 
贝茜和艾博特退了出去。里德太太对我疯也似的痛苦嚎叫很不耐烦，无意再往下谈了，蓦地把我往后一推，锁上了门。我听见她堂而皇之地走了。她走后不久，我猜想我便一阵痉挛，昏了过去，结束了这场吵闹。 The next thing I remember is, waking up with a feeling as if I hadhad a frightful nightmare, and seeing before me a terrible redglare, crossed with thick black bars. I heard voices, too, speakingwith a hollow sound, and as if muffled by a rush of wind or water:agitation, uncertainty, and an all-predominating sense of terrorconfused my faculties. Ere long, I became aware that some one washandling me; lifting me up and supporting me in a sitting posture,and that more tenderly than I had ever been raised or upheld before.I rested my head against a pillow or an arm, and felt easy. 我随后记得，醒过来时仿佛做了一场可怕的恶梦，看到眼前闪烁着骇人的红光，被一根根又粗又黑的条子所隔断。我还听到了沉闷的说话声，仿佛被一阵风声或水声盖住了似的。激动不安以及压倒一切的恐怖感，使我神智模糊了。不久，我明白有人在摆弄我，把我扶起来，让我靠着他坐着。我觉得以前从来没有被人这么轻乎轻脚地抱起过，我把头倚在一个枕头上或是一条胳膊上，感到很舒服。 In five minutes more the cloud of bewilderment dissolved: I knewquite well that I was in my own bed, and that the red glare was thenursery fire. It was night: a candle burnt on the table; Bessiestood at the bed-foot with a basin in her hand, and a gentleman satin a chair near my pillow, leaning over me. 五分钟后，心头的疑云消散了。我完全明白我在自己的床上，那红光是保育室的炉火。时候是夜间，桌上燃着蜡烛。贝茵端着脸盆站在床脚边，一位老先生坐在我枕边的椅子上，俯身向着我。 I felt an inexpressible relief, a soothing conviction of protectionand security, when I knew that there was a stranger in the room, anindividual not belonging to Gateshead., and not related to Mrs.Reed. Turning from Bessie (though her presence was far lessobnoxious to me than that of Abbot, for instance, would have been),I scrutinised the face of the gentleman: I knew him; it was Mr.Lloyd, an apothecary, sometimes called in by Mrs. Reed when theservants were ailing: for herself and the children she employed aphysician. 我知道房间里有一个生人，一个不属于盖茨黑德府、也不与里德太太拈亲带故的人。这时，我感到了一种难以言表的宽慰，一种确信受到庇护而觉得安全的欣慰之情。我的目光离开贝茜（尽管她在身边远没有艾博特那么讨厌），细细端详这位先生的面容。我认识他，他是芳埃德先生，是个药剂师，有时里德太太请他来给佣人们看病。但她自己和孩子们不舒服时，请的是位内科医生。
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