名著·简.爱 - 第47节


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  你爱怎样就怎样吧,先生。"

   "That is no answer; or rather it is a very irritating, because avery evasive one. Reply clearly.""

  你并没有回答我的问题。或是说,你回答很气人,因为含糊其词--回答得明确些。"

   "I don't think, sir, you have a right to command me, merely becauseyou are older than I, or because you have seen more of the worldthan I have; your claim to superiority depends on the use you havemade of your time and experience.""

  先生,我并不认为你有权支使我,仅仅因为你年纪比我大些,或者比我阅历丰富--你所说的优越感取决于你对时间和经历的利用。"

   "Humph! Promptly spoken. But I won't allow that, seeing that itwould never suit my case, as I have made an indifferent, not to saya bad, use of both advantages. Leaving superiority out of thequestion, then, you must still agree to receive my orders now andthen, without being piqued or hurt by the tone of command. Willyou?""

  哼!答得倒快。但我不承认,我认为与我的情况绝不相符,因为对两者的有利条件,我毫无兴趣。更不必说没有充分利用了。那么我们暂且不谈这优越性问题吧,但你必须偶偶尔听候我吩咐,而不因为命令的口吻面生气或伤心,好吗?"

   I smiled: I thought to myself Mr. Rochester IS peculiar--he seemsto forget that he pays me 30 pounds per annum for receiving hisorders.

  我微微一笑。我暗自思忖道,"罗切斯特先生也真奇怪--他好像忘了,付我三十镑年薪是让我听他吩咐的。"

  笑得好,"他立即抓住了转瞬即逝表情说,"不过还得开口讲话。"

   "I was thinking, sir, that very few masters would trouble themselvesto inquire whether or not their paid subordinates were piqued andhurt by their orders.""

  先生,我在想,很少有主人会费心去问他们雇佣的下属,会不会因为被吩咐而生气和伤心。"

   "Paid subordinates! What! you are my paid subordinate, are you? Ohyes, I had forgotten the salary! Well then, on that mercenaryground, will you agree to let me hector a little?""

  雇佣的下属!什么,你是我雇佣的下属是不是,哦,是的,我把薪俸的事儿给忘了?好吧,那么出于雇佣观点,你肯让我耍点儿威风吗?"

   "No, sir, not on that ground; but, on the ground that you did forgetit, and that you care whether or not a dependent is comfortable inhis dependency, I agree heartily.""

  不,先生,不是出于那个理由。但出于你忘掉了雇佣观点,却关心你的下属处于从属地位心情是否愉快,我是完全肯的。"

   "And will you consent to dispense with a great many conventionalforms and phrases, without thinking that the omission arises frominsolence?""

  你会同意我省去很多陈规旧矩,而不认为这出自于蛮横吗?"

  我肯定同意,先生。我决不会把不拘礼节错当蛮横无理。一个是我比较喜欢的,而另一个是任何一位自由人都不会屈从的,即使是为了赚取薪金。"

   "Humbug! Most things free-born will submit to anything for asalary; therefore, keep to yourself, and don't venture ongeneralities of which you are intensely ignorant. However, Imentally shake hands with you for your answer, despite itsinaccuracy; and as much for the manner in which it was said, as forthe substance of the speech; the manner was frank and sincere; onedoes not often see such a manner: no, on the contrary, affectation,or coldness, or stupid, coarse-minded misapprehension of one'smeaning are the usual rewards of candour. Not three in threethousand raw school-girl-governesses would have answered me as youhave just done. But I don't mean to flatter you: if you are castin a different mould to the majority, it is no merit of yours:Nature did it. And then, after all, I go too fast in myconclusions: for what I yet know, you may be no better than therest; you may have intolerable defects to counterbalance your fewgood points.""

  胡扯!为了薪金,大多数自由人对什么都会屈服,因此,只说你自己吧,不要妄谈普遍现象,你对此一无所知。尽管你的回答并不确切,但因为它,我在心里同你握手言好,同样还因为你回答的内容和回答的态度。这种态度坦率诚恳、并不常见。不,恰恰相反,矫揉造作或者冷漠无情,或者对你的意思愚蠢而粗俗地加以误解,常常是坦率正直所得到的报答。三千个初出校门的女学生式家庭教师中,像你刚才那么回答我的不到三个,不过我无意恭维你,要说你是从跟大多数人不同的模子里浇制出来的,这不是你的功劳,而是造化的圣绩。再说我的结论毕竟下得过于匆忙。就我所知,你也未必胜过其他人。也许有难以容忍的缺点,抵销你不多的长处。"

   "And so may you," I thought. My eye met his as the idea crossed mymind: he seemed to read the glance, answering as if its import hadbeen spoken as well as imagined -"

  可能你也一样,"我想,这想法掠过脑际时,他的目光与我的相遇了。他似乎已揣度出我眼神的含意,便作了回答,仿佛那含意不仅存在于想象之中,而且己经说出口了。

   "Yes, yes, you are right," said he; "I have plenty of faults of myown: I know it, and I don't wish to palliate them, I assure you.God wot I need not be too severe about others; I have a pastexistence, a series of deeds, a colour of life to contemplate withinmy own breast, which might well call my sneers and censures from myneighbours to myself. I started, or rather (for like otherdefaulters, I like to lay half the blame on ill fortune and adversecircumstances) was thrust on to a wrong tack at the age of one-and-twenty, and have never recovered the right course since: but Imight have been very different; I might have been as good as you--wiser--almost as stainless. I envy you your peace of mind, yourclean conscience, your unpolluted memory. Little girl, a memorywithout blot or contamination must be an exquisite treasure--aninexhaustible source of pure refreshment: is it not?""

  对,对,你说得对,"他说,"我自己也有很多过失,我知道。我向你担保,我不想掩饰,上帝知道,我不必对别人太苛刻。我要反省往昔的经历、一连串行为和一种生活方式,因此会招来邻居的讥讽和责备。我开始,或者不如说(因为像其他有过失的人一样,我总爱把一半的罪责推给厄运和逆境)在我二十一岁时我被抛入歧途,而且从此之后,再也没有回到正道上。要不然我也许会大不相同,也许会像你一样好--更聪明些--几乎一样洁白无瑕。我羡慕你平静的心境,清白的良心、纯洁的记忆,小姑娘,没有污点未经感染的记忆必定是一大珍宝,是身心愉快的永不枯竭的源泉,是不是?"

   "How was your memory when you were eighteen, sir?""

  你十八岁时的记忆怎么样,先生?"

  那时很好,无忧无虑,十分健康。没有滚滚污水把它变成臭水潭。十八岁时我同你不相上下--完全加此。总的说来,大自然有意让我做个好人,爱小姐,较好的一类人中的一个,而你看到了,现在我却变了样,你会说,你并没有看到。至少我自以为从你的眼睛里看到了这层意思(顺便提一句,你要注意那个器官流露出来的感情,我可是很善于察言观色的),那么相信我的话--我不是一个恶棍。你不要那么猜想--不要把这些恶名加给我。不过我确实相信,由于环境而不是天性的缘故,我成了一个普普通通的罪人,表现在种种可怜的小小放荡上,富裕而无用的人都想以这种放荡来点缀人生,我向你坦露自己的心迹,你觉得奇怪吗?你要知道,在你未来的人生道路上,你常常会发现不由自主地被当作知己,去倾听你熟人的隐秘。人们像我那样凭直觉就能感到,你的高明之处不在于谈论你自己,而在于倾听别人谈论他们自己,他们也会感到,你听的时候,并没有因为别人行为不端而露出不怀好意的蔑视,而是怀着一种发自内心的同情。这种同情给人以抚慰和鼓舞、因为它是不动声色地流露出来的。"

   "How do you know?--how can you guess all this, sir?""

  你怎么知道的?--这种种情况,你怎么猜到的呢,先生?"

   "I know it well; therefore I proceed almost as freely as if I werewriting my thoughts in a diary. You would say, I should have beensuperior to circumstances; so I should--so I should; but you see Iwas not. When fate wronged me, I had not the wisdom to remain cool:I turned desperate; then I degenerated. Now, when any vicioussimpleton excites my disgust by his paltry ribaldry, I cannotflatter myself that I am better than he: I am forced to confessthat he and I are on a level. I wish I had stood firm--God knows Ido! Dread remorse when you are tempted to err, Miss Eyre; remorseis the poison of life.""

  我知道得清清楚楚,因此我谈起来无拘无束,几乎就像把我的思想写在日记中一样,你会说,我本应当战胜环境,确实应当这样--确实应当这样。不过你看到了,我没有战胜环境。当命运亏待了我时,我没有明智地保持冷静,我开始绝望,随后坠落了,现在要是一个可恶的傻瓜用卑俗的下流话激起我的厌恶,我并不以为我的表现会比他好些,我不得不承认我与他彼此彼此而已。我真希望当初自己能不为所动--上帝知道我是这么希望的。爱小姐,当你受到诱惑要做错事的时候,你要视悔恨为畏途,悔恨是生活的毒药。"

   "Repentance is said to be its cure, sir.""

  据说忏悔是治疗的良药,生先。"

   "It is not its cure. Reformation may be its cure; and I couldreform--I have strength yet for that--if--but where is the use ofthinking of it, hampered, burdened, cursed as I am? Besides, sincehappiness is irrevocably denied me, I have a right to get pleasureout of life: and I WILL get it, cost what it may.""

  忏悔治不了它、悔改也许可以疗救。而我能悔改--我有力量这么做--如果--不过既然我已经负荷沉重、步履艰难该受诅咒了,现在想这管什么用呢?既然我已被无可挽回地剥夺了幸福,那我就有权利从生活中获得快乐。我一定要得到它,不管代价有多大。"

  那你会进一步沉沦的,先生。"

   "Possibly: yet why should I, if I can get sweet, fresh pleasure?And I may get it as sweet and fresh as the wild honey the beegathers on the moor.""

  可能如此。不过要是我能获得新鲜甜蜜的欢乐,为什么我必定要沉沦呢?也许我所得到的,同蜜蜂在沼泽地上酿成的野蜂蜜一样甜蜜,一样新鲜。"

   "It will sting--it will taste bitter, sir.""

  它会螯人的--而且有苦味,先生。"

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名著·简.爱 - 第47节