名著·简.爱 - 第51节


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  但我同阿黛勒和派洛特在外面又呆了几分钟,同她一起赛跑,还打了场板羽球。我们进屋以后,我脱下了她的帽子和外衣,把她放在自己的膝头上,坐了一个小时,允许她随心所欲地唠叨个不停,即使有点放肆和轻浮,也不加指责。别人一多去注意她,她就容易犯这个毛病,暴露出她性格上的浅薄。这种浅薄同普通英国头脑几乎格格不入,很可能是从她母亲那儿遗传来的。不过她有她的长处,我有意尽力赏识她身上的一切优点,还从她的面容和五官上寻找同罗切斯特先生的相似之处,但踪影全元。没有任何性格特色,没有任何谈吐上的特点,表明相互之间的关系。真可惜,要是能证实她确实像他就好了,他准会更想着她。

   It was not till after I had withdrawn to my own chamber for thenight, that I steadily reviewed the tale Mr. Rochester had told me.As he had said, there was probably nothing at all extraordinary inthe substance of the narrative itself: a wealthy Englishman'spassion for a French dancer, and her treachery to him, were every-day matters enough, no doubt, in society; but there was somethingdecidedly strange in the paroxysm of emotion which had suddenlyseized him when he was in the act of expressing the presentcontentment of his mood, and his newly revived pleasure in the oldhall and its environs. I meditated wonderingly on this incident;but gradually quitting it, as I found it for the presentinexplicable, I turned to the consideration of my master's manner tomyself. The confidence he had thought fit to repose in me seemed atribute to my discretion: I regarded and accepted it as such. Hisdeportment had now for some weeks been more uniform towards me thanat the first. I never seemed in his way; he did not take fits ofchilling hauteur: when he met me unexpectedly, the encounter seemedwelcome; he had always a word and sometimes a smile for me: whensummoned by formal invitation to his presence, I was honoured by acordiality of reception that made me feel I really possessed thepower to amuse him, and that these evening conferences were soughtas much for his pleasure as for my benefit.

  我回到自己的房间过夜,才从容地回味罗切斯特先生告诉我的故事。如他所说,从叙述的内容来看,也许丝毫没有特别的地方,无非是一个有钱的英国男人对一个法国舞女的恋情,以及她对他的背离。这类事在上流社会中无疑是司空见惯的。但是,他在谈起自己目前心满意足,并对古老的府楼和周围的环境恢复了一种新的乐趣时,突然变得情绪冲动,这实在有些蹊跷。我带着疑问思索着这个细节,但渐渐地便作罢了,因为眼下我觉得它不可思议。我转而考虑起我主人对我的态度来,他认为可以同我无话不谈,这似乎是对我处事审慎的赞美。因此我也就如此来看待和接受了。几周来他在我面前的举动己不像当初那样变化无常。他似乎从不认为我碍手碍脚,也没有动不动露出冷冰冰的傲慢态度来。有时他同我不期而遇,对这样的碰面,他似乎也很欢迎,总是有一两句话要说,有时还对我笑笑。我被正式邀请去见他时,很荣幸地受到了热情接待,因而觉得自己确实具有为他解闷的能力。晚上的会见既是为了我,也是为了他的愉快。

   I, indeed, talked comparatively little, but I heard him talk withrelish. It was his nature to be communicative; he liked to open toa mind unacquainted with the world glimpses of its scenes and ways(I do not mean its corrupt scenes and wicked ways, but such asderived their interest from the great scale on which they wereacted, the strange novelty by which they were characterised); and Ihad a keen delight in receiving the new ideas he offered, inimagining the new pictures he portrayed, and following him inthought through the new regions he disclosed, never startled ortroubled by one noxious allusion.

  说实在,相比之下我的话不多,不过我津津有味地听他说。他生性爱说话,喜欢向一个未见世面的人披露一点世事人情(我不是指腐败的风尚和恶劣的习气,而是指那些因为广泛盛行、新奇独特而显得有趣的世事),我非常乐意接受他所提供的新观念,想象出他所描绘的新画面,在脑海中跟随着他越过所揭示的新领域,从来不因为提到某些有害的世象而大惊小怪,或者烦恼不已。

   The ease of his manner freed me from painful restraint: thefriendly frankness, as correct as cordial, with which he treated me,drew me to him. I felt at times as if he were my relation ratherthan my master: yet he was imperious sometimes still; but I did notmind that; I saw it was his way. So happy, so gratified did Ibecome with this new interest added to life, that I ceased to pineafter kindred: my thin crescent-destiny seemed to enlarge; theblanks of existence were filled up; my bodily health improved; Igathered flesh and strength.

  他举手投足无拘无束,使我不再痛苦地感到窘迫。他对我友好坦诚,既得体又热情,使我更加靠近他。有时我觉得他不是我的主人,而是我的亲戚;不过有时却依然盛气凌人,但我并不在乎,我明白他生就了这付性子。由于生活中平添了这一兴趣,我感到非常愉快,非常满意,不再渴望有自己的亲人,我那瘦如新月的命运也似乎壮大了,生活中的空白已被填补,我的健康有所好转,我长了肉,也长了力。

   And was Mr. Rochester now ugly in my eyes? No, reader: gratitude,and many associations, all pleasurable and genial, made his face theobject I best liked to see; his presence in a room was more cheeringthan the brightest fire. Yet I had not forgotten his faults;indeed, I could not, for he brought them frequently before me. Hewas proud, sardonic, harsh to inferiority of every description: inmy secret soul I knew that his great kindness to me was balanced byunjust severity to many others. He was moody, too; unaccountablyso; I more than once, when sent for to read to him, found himsitting in his library alone, with his head bent on his folded arms;and, when he looked up, a morose, almost a malignant, scowlblackened his features. But I believed that his moodiness, hisharshness, and his former faults of morality (I say FORMER, for nowhe seemed corrected of them) had their source in some cruel cross offate. I believed he was naturally a man of better tendencies,higher principles, and purer tastes than such as circumstances haddeveloped, education instilled, or destiny encouraged. I thoughtthere were excellent materials in him; though for the present theyhung together somewhat spoiled and tangled. I cannot deny that Igrieved for his grief, whatever that was, and would have given muchto assuage it.

  在我的眼睛里,罗切斯特先生现在还很丑吗?不,读者。感激之情以及很多愉快亲切的联想,使我终于最爱看他的面容了。房间里有他在,比生了最旺的火还更令人高兴。不过我并没有忘记他的缺陷。说实话,要忘也忘不了,因为在我面前不断地暴露出来。对于各类低于他的人,他高傲刻薄,喜欢挖苦。我心里暗自明白,他对我的和颜悦色,同对很多其他人的不当的严厉相对等。他还郁郁不欢,简直到了难以理解的程度。我被叫去读书给他听时,曾不止一次地发现他独自一人坐在图书室里,脑袋伏在抱着的双臂上。他抬头时,露出闷闷不乐近乎恶意的怒容,脸色铁青。不过我相信他的郁闷、他的严厉和他以前道德上的过错(我说"以前",因为现在他似乎已经纠正了)都来源于他命运中某些艰苦的磨难。我相信,比起那些受环境所薰陶,教育所灌输或者命运所鼓励的人来,他生来就有更好的脾性,更高的准则和更纯的旨趣。我想他的素质很好,只是目前给糟塌了,乱纷纷地绞成了一团。我无法否认,不管是什么样的哀伤,我为他的哀伤而哀伤,并且愿意付出很大代价去减轻它。

  虽然我已经灭了蜡烛,躺在床上,但一想起他在林荫道上停下步来时的神色,我便无法入睡。那时他说命运之神已出现在他面前,并且问他敢不敢在桑菲尔德获得幸福。

   "Why not?" I asked myself. "What alienates him from the house?Will he leave it again soon? Mrs. Fairfax said he seldom stayedhere longer than a fortnight at a time; and he has now been residenteight weeks. If he does go, the change will be doleful. Suppose heshould be absent spring, summer, and autumn: how joyless sunshineand fine days will seem!""

  为什么不敢呢,"我问自己,"是什么使他与府楼疏远了呢?他会马上再次离开吗?费尔法克斯太太说,他一次所呆的时间,难得超过两周。而现在他己经住了八周了。要是他真的走了,所引起的变化会令人悲哀。设想他春、夏、秋三季都不在,那风和日丽的好日子会显得多没有劲!"

   I hardly know whether I had slept or not after this musing; at anyrate, I started wide awake on hearing a vague murmur, peculiar andlugubrious, which sounded, I thought, just above me. I wished I hadkept my candle burning: the night was drearily dark; my spiritswere depressed. I rose and sat up in bed, listening. The sound washushed.

  我几乎不知道这番沉思之后是否睡着过。总之我一听到含糊的喃喃声之后,便完全惊醒过来了。那声音古怪而悲哀,我想就是从我房间的楼上传出来的。要是我仍旧点着蜡烛该多好,夜黑得可怕,而我情绪低沉。我于是爬起来坐在床上,静听着。那声音又消失了。

   I tried again to sleep; but my heart beat anxiously: my inwardtranquillity was broken. The clock, far down in the hall, strucktwo. Just then it seemed my chamber-door was touched; as if fingershad swept the panels in groping a way along the dark galleryoutside. I said, "Who is there?" Nothing answered. I was chilledwith fear.

  我竭力想再睡,但我的心却焦急不安地蹦蹦乱跳。我内心的平静给打破了,远在楼底下的大厅里,时钟敲响了两点。就在那时,我的房门似乎被碰了一下,仿佛有人摸黑走过外面的走廊时,手指擦过嵌板一样。我问,"谁在那里?"没有回答。我吓得浑身冰凉。

   All at once I remembered that it might be Pilot, who, when thekitchen-door chanced to be left open, not unfrequently found his wayup to the threshold of Mr. Rochester's chamber: I had seen himlying there myself in the mornings. The idea calmed me somewhat: Ilay down. Silence composes the nerves; and as an unbroken hush nowreigned again through the whole house, I began to feel the return ofslumber. But it was not fated that I should sleep that night. Adream had scarcely approached my ear, when it fled affrighted,scared by a marrow-freezing incident enough.

  我蓦地想起这可能是派洛特,厨房门偶尔开着的时候,它常常会设法来到罗切斯特先生卧室的门口,我自己就在早上看到过它躺在那里。这么一想,心里也便镇静了些。我躺了下来,沉寂安抚了我的神经。待到整所房子复又被一片宁静所笼罩时,我感到睡意再次袭来。但是那天晚上我是注定无法睡觉了。梦仙几乎还没接近我的耳朵,便被足以使人吓得冷入骨髓的事件唬跑了。

  那是一阵恶魔般的笑声--压抑而低沉--仿佛就在我房门的锁孔外响起来的。我的床头靠门,所以我起初以为那笑着的魔鬼站在我床边,或是蹲在枕旁。但是我起身环顾左右,却什么也没有看到。而当我还在凝神细看时,那不自然的声音再次响起,而且我知道来自嵌板的背后。我的第一个反应是爬起来去拴好门,接着我又叫了一声"谁在那里?"

   Something gurgled and moaned. Ere long, steps retreated up thegallery towards the third-storey staircase: a door had lately beenmade to shut in that staircase; I heard it open and close, and allwas still.

  什么东西发出了咯咯声和呻吟声。不久那脚步又退回走廊,上了三楼的楼梯。最近那里装了一扇门,关闭了楼梯。我听见门被打开又被关上,一切复归平静。

   "Was that Grace Poole? and is she possessed with a devil?" thoughtI. Impossible now to remain longer by myself: I must go to Mrs.Fairfax. I hurried on my frock and a shawl; I withdrew the bolt andopened the door with a trembling hand. There was a candle burningjust outside, and on the matting in the gallery. I was surprised atthis circumstance: but still more was I amazed to perceive the airquite dim, as if filled with smoke; and, while looking to the righthand and left, to find whence these blue wreaths issued, I becamefurther aware of a strong smell of burning."

  那是格雷斯.普尔吗,难道她妖魔附身了,"我想。我独个儿再也待不住了。我得去找费尔法克斯太太。我匆匆穿上外衣,披上披肩,用抖动着的手拔了门栓,开了门。就在门外,燃着一支蜡烛,留在走廊的垫子上。见此情景,我心里一惊,但更使我吃惊的是,我发觉空气十分混浊,仿佛充满了烟雾,正当我左顾右盼,寻找蓝色烟圈的出处时,我进一步闻到了一股强烈的焦臭味。

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名著·简.爱 - 第51节