名著·简.爱 - 第97节


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  我的心上人带着崇高的信赖,把她的小手放在我的手里。宣誓让婚姻的神圣纽带,把我们两人紧系在一起。

   My love has sworn, with sealing kiss,With me to live--to die;I have at last my nameless bliss.As I love--loved am I!"

  我的心上人用永不变心的一吻,发誓与我生死同受。我终于得到了莫名的幸福,我爱别人-一别人也爱我。

   He rose and came towards me, and I saw his face all kindled, and hisfull falcon-eye flashing, and tenderness and passion in everylineament. I quailed momentarily--then I rallied. Soft scene,daring demonstration, I would not have; and I stood in peril ofboth: a weapon of defence must be prepared--I whetted my tongue:as he reached me, I asked with asperity, "whom he was going to marrynow?"

  他立起身,向我走来。我见他满脸都燃烧着热情的火焰,圆圆的鹰眼闪闪发光,脸上充溢着温柔与激情。我一时有些畏缩-一但随后便振作起来了。柔情蜜意的场面,大胆露骨的表示,我都不希望发生。但两种危险我都面临着。我必须准备好防患的武器--我磨尖了舌头,待他一走近我,便厉声问道,他现在要跟谁结婚呢?

   "That was a strange question to be put by his darling Jane.""

  我的宝贝简提出了这么个怪问题。"

   "Indeed! I considered it a very natural and necessary one: he hadtalked of his future wife dying with him. What did he mean by sucha pagan idea? I had no intention of dying with him--he might dependon that.""

  真的!我以为这是个很自然很必要的问题,他已经谈起未来的妻子同他一起死,他这个异教徒念头是什么意思?我可不想与他一起死一-他尽可放心。"

  呵,他所向往,他所祈祷的是你与他一块儿活!死亡不是属于像你这样的人。"

   "Indeed it was: I had as good a right to die when my time came ashe had: but I should bide that time, and not be hurried away in asuttee.""

  自然也是属于我的,我跟他一样,时候一到,照样有权去死。但我要等到寿终正寝,而不是自焚殉夫,匆匆了此一生。"

   "Would I forgive him for the selfish idea, and prove my pardon by areconciling kiss?""

  你能宽恕他这种自私的想法,给他一个吻,表示原谅与和解吗?"

   "No: I would rather be excused.""

  不,我宁可免了。"

   Here I heard myself apostrophised as a "hard little thing;" and itwas added, "any other woman would have been melted to marrow athearing such stanzas crooned in her praise."

  这时我听见他称我为"心如铁石的小东西,"并且又加了一句"换了别的女人,听了这样的赞歌,心早就化了。"

  我明确告诉他,我生就了硬心肠--硬如铁石,他会发现我经常如此。何况我决计在今后的四周中,让他看看我性格中倔强的一面。他应当完全明白,他订的是怎样的婚约,趁现在还来得及的时候把它取消。

   "Would I be quiet and talk rationally?""

  你愿意平心静气,合情合理说话吗?"

   "I would be quiet if he liked, and as to talking rationally, Iflattered myself I was doing that now.""

  要是你高兴,我会平心静气的,至于说话合情合理,那我不是自吹,我现在就是这么做的。"

   He fretted, pished, and pshawed. "Very good," I thought; "you mayfume and fidget as you please: but this is the best plan to pursuewith you, I am certain. I like you more than I can say; but I'llnot sink into a bathos of sentiment: and with this needle ofrepartee I'll keep you from the edge of the gulf too; and, moreover,maintain by its pungent aid that distance between you and myselfmost conducive to our real mutual advantage."

  他很恼火,嘴里呸呀啐的。"很好,"我想,"你高兴光火就光火,烦躁就烦躁吧,但我相信,这是对付你的最好办法。尽管我对你的喜欢,非言语所能表达,但我不愿落入多情善感的流俗,我要用这巧辩的锋芒,让你悬崖勒马。除此之外,话中带刺,有助于保持我们之间对彼此都很有利的距离。"

   From less to more, I worked him up to considerable irritation; then,after he had retired, in dudgeon, quite to the other end of theroom, I got up, and saying, "I wish you good-night, sir," in mynatural and wonted respectful manner, I slipped out by the side-doorand got away.

  我得寸进尺,惹得他很恼火,随后趁他怒悻悻地退到屋子另一头的时候,站起来象往常那样自自然然、恭恭敬敬地说了声"祝你晚安,先生,"便溜出边门走掉了。

  这方式开了一个头,我便在整个观察期坚持下来了,而且大获成功。当然他悻悻然有些发火,但总的说来,我见他心情挺不错。而绵羊般的顺从,斑鸠似的多情,倒反而既会助长他的专横,又不能象现在这样取悦他的理智,满足他的常识,甚至投合他的趣味。

   In other people's presence I was, as formerly, deferential andquiet; any other line of conduct being uncalled for: it was only inthe evening conferences I thus thwarted and afflicted him. Hecontinued to send for me punctually the moment the clock struckseven; though when I appeared before him now, he had no such honeyedterms as "love" and "darling" on his lips: the best words at myservice were "provoking puppet," "malicious elf," "sprite,""changeling," &c. For caresses, too, I now got grimaces; for apressure of the hand, a pinch on the arm; for a kiss on the cheek, asevere tweak of the ear. It was all right: at present I decidedlypreferred these fierce favours to anything more tender. Mrs.Fairfax, I saw, approved me: her anxiety on my account vanished;therefore I was certain I did well. Meantime, Mr. Rochesteraffirmed I was wearing him to skin and bone, and threatened awfulvengeance for my present conduct at some period fast coming. Ilaughed in my sleeve at his menaces. "I can keep you in reasonablecheck now," I reflected; "and I don't doubt to be able to do ithereafter: if one expedient loses its virtue, another must bedevised."

  别人在场的时候,我照例显得恭敬文雅,其他举动都没有必要。只有在晚上交谈时,才那么冲撞他,折磨他。他仍然那么钟一敲七点便准时把我叫去,不过在他跟前时,他不再满嘴"亲爱的"、"恶毒的精灵"、"宝贝儿"那样的甜蜜称呼了。用在我身上最好的字眼是"令人恼火的木偶"、"小妖精"、"小傻瓜"等等。如今我得到的不是抚慰,而是鬼脸;不是紧紧握手,而是拧一下胳膊;不是吻一下脸颊,而是使劲拉拉耳朵。这倒不错。眼下我确实更喜欢这种粗野的宠爱,而不喜欢什么温柔的表露。我发现费尔法克斯太太也赞成,而且已不再为我担忧了,因此我确信自己做得很对。与此同时,罗切斯特先生却口口声声说我把他折磨得皮包骨头了,并威胁在即将到来的某个时期,对我现在的行为狠狠报复。他的恫吓,我暗自觉得好笑。"现在我可以让你受到合乎情理的约束,"我思忖道,"我并不怀疑今后还能这么做,要是一种办法失效了,那就得另外再想出一种来。"

   Yet after all my task was not an easy one; often I would rather havepleased than teased him. My future husband was becoming to me mywhole world; and more than the world: almost my hope of heaven. Hestood between me and every thought of religion, as an eclipseintervenes between man and the broad sun. I could not, in thosedays, see God for His creature: of whom I had made an idol.

  然而,我的担子毕竟并不轻松,我总是情愿讨他喜欢而不是捉弄他。我的未婚夫正成为我的整个世界,不仅是整个世界,而且几乎成了我进入天堂的希望。他把我和一切宗教观念隔开,犹如日蚀把人类和太阳隔开一样。在那些日子里,我把上帝的造物当作了偶像,并因为他,而看不见上帝了。

   The month of courtship had wasted: its very last hours were beingnumbered. There was no putting off the day that advanced--thebridal day; and all preparations for its arrival were complete. I,at least, had nothing more to do: there were my trunks, packed,locked, corded, ranged in a row along the wall of my little chamber;to-morrow, at this time, they would be far on their road to London:and so should I (D.V.),--or rather, not I, but one Jane Rochester, aperson whom as yet I knew not. The cards of address alone remainedto nail on: they lay, four little squares, in the drawer. Mr.Rochester had himself written the direction, "Mrs. Rochester,--Hotel, London," on each: I could not persuade myself to affix them,or to have them affixed. Mrs. Rochester! She did not exist: shewould not be born till to-morrow, some time after eight o'clocka.m.; and I would wait to be assured she had come into the worldalive before I assigned to her all that property. It was enoughthat in yonder closet, opposite my dressing-table, garments said tobe hers had already displaced my black stuff Lowood frock and strawbonnet: for not to me appertained that suit of wedding raiment; thepearl-coloured robe, the vapoury veil pendent from the usurpedportmanteau. I shut the closet to conceal the strange, wraith-likeapparel it contained; which, at this evening hour--nine o'clock--gave out certainly a most ghostly shimmer through the shadow of myapartment. "I will leave you by yourself, white dream," I said. "Iam feverish: I hear the wind blowing: I will go out of doors andfeel it."

  一个月的求婚期过去了,只剩下了最后几个小时。结婚的日子已经临近,不会推迟。一切准备工作也已就绪,至少我手头没有别的事儿要干了。我的箱子已收拾停当,锁好,捆好,沿小房间的墙根,一字儿摆开,明天这个时候,这些东西会早已登上去伦敦的旅程,还有我(如蒙上帝恩允)--或者不如说,不是我而是一位我目前尚不认识的,叫作简.罗切斯特的人,只有地址标签还没贴上,那四个小方块仍躺在抽屉里。罗切斯特先生亲自在每个标签上书写了:"伦敦××旅馆罗切斯特太太"这几个字。我无法让自己或者别人把它们贴上去。罗切斯特太太!她并不存在,要到明天八点钟后的某个时候才降生。我得等到完全相信她已经活生生地来到这个世界时,才把那份财产划归她。在我梳妆台对面的衣柜里,一些据说是她的衣物,已经取代了她罗沃德的黑呢上衣和草帽。这已经是足够的了,因为那套婚礼服,以及垂挂在临时占用的钩子上的珠白色长袍和簿雾似的面纱,本不属于她的。我关上了衣柜,隐去了里面幽灵似的奇装异服。在晚间九点这个时辰,这些衣著在我房间的暗影里,发出了阴森森的微光。"我要让你独个儿留着,白色的梦幻,"我说。"我兴奋难耐,我听见风在劲吹,我要出门去感受一下。"

   It was not only the hurry of preparation that made me feverish; notonly the anticipation of the great change--the new life which was tocommence to-morrow: both these circumstances had their share,doubtless, in producing that restless, excited mood which hurried meforth at this late hour into the darkening grounds: but a thirdcause influenced my mind more than they.

  使我兴奋的不仅是匆匆忙忙的结婚准备,也不仅是因为对巨大的变化,明天开始的新生活所怀的希望。毫无疑问,两者都起了作用,使我兴奋不安,这么晚了还匆匆来到越来越黑的庭园。但是第三个原因对我的心理影响更大。

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名著·简.爱 - 第97节