目 录 上一节 下一节 
“而且，”玛格丽特继续说，“我相信也只有在你面前，我才可以推诚相见，无所不谈。那些围着像我一样的姑娘转的人都喜欢对她们的一言一语寻根究底，想在她们无意的行动里找出什么含义来。我们当然没有什么朋友，我们有的都是一些自私自利的情人，他们挥霍钱财并非像他们所说的是为了我们，而是为了他们自己的虚荣心。 'For men like these, we have to be cheerful when they are happy, hale and hearty when they decide they want supper, and as cynical as they are. We are not allowed to have feelings, for fear of being jeered at and losing our credibility. “对于这些人，当他们开心的时候，我们必须快乐；当他们要吃夜宵的时候，我们必须精力充沛；当他们疑神疑鬼的时候，我们也要疑神疑鬼。我们这些人是不能有什么良心的，否则就要被嘲骂，就要被诋毁。 'Our lives are no longer our own. We aren't human beings, but things. We rank first in their pride, and last in their good opinion. We have women friends, but they are friends like Prudence ? yesterday's kept women who still have expensive tastes which their age prevents them from indulging. So they become our friends, or rather associates. Their friendship may verge on the servile, but it is never disinterested. They'll never give you a piece of advice unless there's money in it. They don't care if we've got ten lovers extra as long as they get a few dresses or a bracelet out of them and can drive about every now and then in our carriages and sit in our boxes at the theatre. They end up with the flowers we were given the night before, and they borrow our Indian shawls. They never do us a good turn, however trifling, without making sure they get paid twice what their trouble was worth. You saw as much yourself the evening Prudence brought me the six thousand francs which I'd asked her to go and beg from the Duke; she borrowed five hundred francs which she'll never give back, or else she'll pay it off in hats that will never get taken out of their boxes. “我们已经身不由己了，我们不再是人，而是没有生命的东西。他们要满足自尊心时最先想到的是我们，但他们又把我们看得比谁都不如。我们有一些女朋友，但都是像普律当丝那样的女朋友，她们过去也是妓女，挥霍惯了，但现在人老了，不允许她们这样做了，于是，她们成了我们的朋友，更可以说成了我们的食客。她们的友情甚至到了可供驱使的地步，但从来也到不了无私的程度。她们总是给我们出些怎样捞钱的点子。只要她们能借此赚到一些衣衫和首饰，能经常乘着我们的车子出去逛逛，能坐在我们的包厢里看戏，我们即使有十几个情人也不关她们的事。她们拿去了我们前一天用过的花束，借用我们的开司米披肩。即使是一件芝麻绿豆大的小事，她们也要求我们双倍的谢礼，否则她们是不会为我们效劳的。那天晚上你不是亲眼看见了吗？普律当丝给我拿来了六千法郎，这是我请她到公爵那里替我要来的。她向我借去了五百法郎，这笔钱她是永远不会还我的，要么还我几顶用不着她们破费一个子儿的帽子。 'So we can have, or rather I had, only one hope of happiness: and this was, sad as I sometimes am and ill as I am always, to find a man of sufficiently rare qualities who would never ask me to account for my actions, and be the lover of my wilder fancies more than the lover of my body. I found this man in the Duke, but the Duke is old and old age neither shields nor consoles. I'd thought I could settle for the life he made for me. But it was no use. I was dying of boredom, and I felt that if I was going to be destroyed, then I might as well jump into the flames as choke on the fumes. “因此我们，或者不如说我，只能够有一种幸福，这就是找一个地位高的男人。像我这样一个多愁善感、日夜受病痛折磨的苦命人，唯一的幸福也就是找到一个因其超脱而不来过问我的生活的男人，他能成为一个重感情轻肉欲的情人。我过去找到过这个人，就是公爵，但公爵年事已高，既不能保护我又不能安慰我。我原以为能够接受他给我安排的生活，但是你叫我怎么办呢？我真厌烦死了。假如一个人注定要受煎熬而死，跳到大火中去烧死和用煤气来毒死不都是一个样吗！ 'Then I met you. You were young, passionate, happy, and I tried to turn you into the man I had cried out for in my crowded but empty life. What I loved in you was not the man you were but the man you could be. You refuse to accept the part; you reject it as unworthy of you; you are a commonplace lover, just do what the others do: pay me and let's not talk about it any more.' “那时候，我遇到了你，你年轻、热情、快乐，我想使你成为我在表面热闹实际寂寞的生活中寻找的人。我在你身上所爱的，不是现在的人，而是以后应该变成的人。你不接受这个角色，认为这个角色对你不适合而拒不接受，那么你也不过是一个一般的情人；你就像别人一样付钱给我吧，别再谈这些事了。” 
说过这段长长的表白后，玛格丽特很疲乏，她靠在沙发椅背上，为了忍住一阵因虚弱而引起的阵咳，她把手绢按在嘴唇上，甚至把眼睛都蒙上了。 'Forgive me, forgive me, ' I murmured, 'I knew all this, but I wanted to hear you say it, my darling Marguerite. Let's forget the rest. Let's just remember one thing: we belong to one another, we are young and we are in love. “原谅我，原谅我，”我喃喃地说，“一切我自己也已经明白了，但是我愿意听你把这些说出来，我最最亲爱的玛格丽特，我们只要记住一件事，把其余的丢在脑后吧；那就是我们永不分离，我们年纪还很轻，我们相亲相爱。 'Marguerite, do with me what you will. I am your slave, your dog. But, in the name of God, tear up the letter I wrote you and don't let me go away tomorrow. It would kill me.' “玛格丽特，随便你把我怎样都行，我是你的奴隶，你的狗；但是看在上天的份上，把我写给你的信撕掉吧，明天别让我走，否则我要死的。” Marguerite withdrew the letter from the bodice of her dress and, as she handed it back to me, said with a smile of infinite sweetness: 玛格丽特把我给她的信从她衣服的胸口里取出来，还给了我，她带着一种难以形容的微笑对我说： 'Here, I was bringing it back to you.' “看，我把信给你带来了。” 
我撕掉了信，含着眼泪吻着她向我伸过来的手。 At this juncture, Prudence reappeared. 这时候普律当丝又来了。 'Oh, Prudence, can you guess what he wants me to do?' said Marguerite. “您说，普律当丝，您知道他要求我什么事？”玛格丽特说。 'To forgive him.' “他要求您原谅。” 'That's right.' “正是这样。” 
“您原谅了吗？” 'I can't do otherwise. But there's something else he wants.' “当然罗，但是他还有一个要求。” 'What's that?' “什么要求？” 'He wants to come and have supper with us.' “他要和我们一起吃夜宵。” 'And are you going to say yes?' “您同意了吗？” 
“您看呢？” 'I think you're a couple of children without an ounce of common sense between you. But I also think that I'm ravenous, and the sooner you do say yes, the sooner we'll have supper.' “我看你们两个都是孩子，都很幼稚，但是我现在肚子已经很饿了，你们早一点讲好，我们就可以早一点吃夜宵。” 'Come on, then, ' said Marguerite, 'we can all fit into my carriage. By the way, ' she added, turning to me, 'Nanine will have gone to bed, so you'll have to open the door. Take my key, and try not to lose it again.' “走吧，”玛格丽特说，“我们三个人一齐坐我的车子去好啦。”“喂！”她转身对我说，“纳尼娜就要睡觉了，您拿了我的钥匙去开门，注意别再把它丢了。” I kissed Marguerite until she had no breath left. 我紧紧地拥抱着玛格丽特，差一点把她给闷死。 Thereupon, Joseph came in. 这时候约瑟夫进来了。 
“先生，”他自鸣得意地说，“行李捆好了。” 'All of them?' “全捆好了吗？” 'Yes, sir.' “是的，先生。” 'Well, unpack them. I'm not leaving.' “那么，打开吧，我不走了。” I COULD have told you the start of the affair in a few lines (Armand said to me), but I wanted you to see for yourself the events and stages by which we reached the point where I agreed to everything Marguerite wanted, and Marguerite conceded that she could live only with me. 阿尔芒接下去对我说：“我本来可以把我们结合的起因简单扼要地讲给您听，但是我想让您知道是通过了哪些事件、经历了哪些曲折，我才会对玛格丽特百依百顺，玛格丽特才会把我当作她生活中必不可少的伴侣。” 
就在她来找我的那个晚上的第二天，我把《玛侬·莱斯科》送给了她。
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