目 录 上一节 下一节 
从此以后，因为我不能改变我情妇的生活，就改变我自己的生活。首先我不让脑子有时间来考虑我刚才接受的角色，因为一想到这件事，我总是不由自主地感到十分难受。过去我的生活一直是安静清闲的，现在突然变得杂乱无章了。别以为一个不贪图钱财的妓女的爱情，花不了您多少钱。她有千百种嗜好：花束、包厢、夜宵、郊游，这些要求对一个情妇是永远不能拒绝的，而又都是很费钱的。 As I have told you, I had no real money of my own. My father was, and still is, the District Collector of Taxes for C. He has a wide reputation for loyal service, thanks to which he was able to raise the money for the surety he had to find before taking up the post. The Collectorship brings in forty thousand francs a year and, during the ten years he has held it, he has paid off his bond and set about putting a dowry for my sister to one side. My father is the most honourable man you could hope to meet. When my mother died, she left an income of six thousand francs which he divided between my sister and myself the day he acquired the appointment for which he had canvassed; then, when I was twenty-one, he added to this small income an annual allowance of five thousand francs, and assured me that I could be very happy in Paris on eight thousand francs if, beside this income, I could establish myself in a position at the bar or in medicine. Accordingly, I came to Paris, read law, was called to the bar and, like any number of young men, put my diploma in my pocket and rather let myself drift along on the carefree life of Paris. My expenses were very modest. However, I regularly got through my year's income in eight months, and spent the four summer months at my father's place, which in all gave me twelve thousand a year and a reputation as a good son. And, moreover, I didn't owe anyone a penny. 我对您说过了，我是没有财产的。我父亲过去和现在都是C城的总税务官，他为人正直，名声极好，因此他借到了担任这个职位所必需的保证金。这个职务给他每年带来四万法郎的收入的记录。共二十篇，涉及孔子言行、问答，为研究孔子的主，十年做下来，他已偿还了保证金，并且还替我妹妹攒下了嫁妆。我父亲是一个非常值得尊敬的人。我母亲去世后留下六千法郎的年金，他在谋到他所企求的职务那天就把这笔年金平分给我和我妹妹了。后来在我二十一岁那年，父亲又在我那笔小小的收入上增加了一笔每年五千法郎的津贴费，我就有了八千法郎一年。他对我说，如果在这笔年金收入之外，我还愿意在司法界或者医务界里找一个工作的话，那么我在巴黎的日子就可以过得很舒服。因此我来到了巴黎，攻读法律，得到了律师的资格，就像很多年轻人一样，我把文凭放在口袋里，让自己稍许过几天巴黎那种懒散的生活。我非常省吃俭用，可是全年的收入只够我八个月的花费。夏天四个月我在父亲家里过，这样合起来就等于有一万两千法郎的年金收入，还赢得了一个孝顺儿子的美誉，而且我一个铜子的债也不欠。 That was how things stood with me when I met Marguerite. 这就是我认识玛格丽特时候的景况。 You will appreciate that, in spite of my wishes, my level of expenditure rose. Marguerite's was a most capricious nature, and she was one of those women who never consider that the countless amusements of which their life is made can be a serious financial drain. As a result, since she wanted to spend as much time with me as possible, she would write me a note in the morning to say that she would have dinner with me, not in her apartment, but in some restaurant either in Paris or in the country. I would collect her, we would dine, go on to the theatre, and often have supper together, and I would spend four or five Louis on the evening. Which came to two thousand five hundred or three thousand francs a month. Which shortened my year to three and a half months, and put me in the position of either having to run up debts or to leave Marguerite. 您知道我的日常开销自然而然地增加了，玛格丽特是非常任性的。有些女人把她们的生活寄托在各种各样的娱乐上面，而且根本不把这些娱乐看作是什么了不起的花费。玛格丽特就是这样的女人。结果，为了尽可能跟我在一起多呆些时间，她往往上午就写信约我一起吃晚饭，并不是到她家里，而是到巴黎或者郊外的饭店。我去接她，再一起吃饭，一起看戏，还经常一起吃夜宵，我每天晚上要花上四五个路易，这样我每月就要有二千五百到三千法郎的开销，一年的收入在三个半月内就花光了，我必须借款，要不然就得离开玛格丽特。 Now I was prepared to agree to anything, except the latter possibility. 可是我什么都可以接受，就是不能接受这后一种可能性。 
请原谅我把这么许多琐碎的细节都讲给您听，可是您下面就会看到这些琐事和以后即将发生的事情之间的关系。我讲给您听的是一个真实而简单的故事，我就让这个故事保持它朴实无华的细节和它简单明了的发展过程。 I realized therefore that, since nothing in the world could weigh heavily enough with me to make me forget my mistress, I should have to find a way of meeting the expense which she forced me to incur. Furthermore, love had run such riot in me that every moment I spent away from Marguerite seemed like a year, and I felt the need to pass those moments through the flame of some passion or other, and to live them so fast so fast that I would not notice that I was living them at all. 因此我懂得了，由于世界上没有任何东西可以使我忘掉我的情妇，我必须找到一个方法来应付我为她而增加的花费。而且，这个爱情已使我神魂颠倒，只要我离开玛格丽特，我就度日如年，我感到需要投身于某种情欲来消磨这些时间，要让日子过得异常迅速来使我忘却时间的流逝。 I set about borrowing five or six thousand francs against my small capital and began to play the tables, for since the gambling houses were shut down, people have been gambling everywhere. Time was, when you went to Frascati, you stood a chance of winning a fortune: you played against a bank and, if you lost, you had the consolation of telling yourself you might have won. Whereas nowadays, except in the gaming clubs where you still find they are pretty strict about paying up, you can be fairly sure that if you win a large sum you won't see a penny of if. You will readily understand the reasons why. 我开始在我的小小的本金中挪用了五六千法郎，我开始赌钱了。自从赌场被取缔以后，人们到处都可以赌钱。从前人们一走进弗拉斯卡第赌场，就有发财的机会。大家赌现钱，输家可以自我安慰地说他们也有赢的机会；而现在呢，除了在俱乐部里，输赢还比较认真以外，换了在别的地方，如果赢到一大笔钱，几乎肯定是拿不到的。原因很容易理解。 Gambling is only for young men who have expensive tastes and not enough money to keep up the kind of lives they lead. So they gamble and, in the natural way of things, this is the result: they may win, and then the losers are expected to foot the bill for these gentlemen's horses and mistresses, which is thoroughly disagreeable. Debts are contracted, and friendships begun around the gaming table end in quarrels from which honour and lives invariably emerge somewhat tattered. And if you are a gentleman, you may find you have been ruined by very gentlemanly young men whose only fault was that they did not have two hundred thousand francs a year. 赌钱的人，总是那些开支浩大又没有足够的钱维持他们所过的生活的年轻人；他们赌钱的结果必然是这样的：如果他们赢了，那么输家就替那些先生的车马和情妇付钱，这是很难堪的。于是债台高筑，赌桌绿台布周围建立起来的友谊在争吵中宣告破裂，荣誉和生命总要受到些损伤；如果您是一个诚实的人，那么您就会被一些更加诚实的年轻人搞得不名一文，这些年轻人没有别的错误，只不过是少了二十万利弗尔的年金收入。 There is no need for me to tell you about the ones who cheat. One day, you learn that they have had to go away and that ?too late ?judgement has been passed on them. 至于那些在赌钱时做手脚的人，我也不必跟您多说了，他们总有一天会混不下去，迟早会得到惩罚。 
我投身到这个紧张、混乱和激烈的生活中去了，这种生活我过去连想想都觉得害怕，现在却成了我对玛格丽特爱情的不可缺少的补充，叫我有什么办法呢？ During the nights I did not spend in the rue d'Antin, I should not have slept if I had spent them alone in my apartment. Jealousy would have kept me awake and heated my thoughts and blood. On the other hand, gambling temporarily beguiled the fever which would otherwise have overrun my heart which was, thereby, diverted towards a passion fascinating enough to absorb me despite myself until the time came for me to go to my mistress. When that hour struck ?and this was how I became aware of how violent my love was ?then, whether I was winning or losing, I would abandon the table without compunction, feeling pity for those I left there who, unlike me, would not find happiness when they came to take their leave. 如果哪天夜晚我不去昂坦街，一个人呆在家里的话，我是睡不着的。我妒火中烧，无法入睡，我的思想和血液如同在燃烧一般，而赌博可以暂时转移我心中燃烧着的激情，把它引向另一种热情，我不由自主地投身到里面去了，一直赌到我应该去会我情妇的时间为止。因此，从这里我就看到了我爱情的强烈，不管是赢是输，我都毫不留恋地离开赌桌，并为那些仍旧留在那里的人感到惋惜，他们是不会像我一样在离开赌桌的时候带着幸福的感觉的。 For most of them, gambling was a necessity; for me, it was a kind of antidote. 对大部分人来说，赌博是一种需要，对我来说却是一服药剂。 When I was cured of Marguerite, I would be cured of gambling. 如果我不爱玛格丽特，我也不会去赌博。 And so, in the middle of it all, I was able to keep a fairly cool head. I lost only what I could afford, and won only what I could have afforded to lose. 因此，在赌钱的过程中，我能相当冷静，我只输我付得出的钱，我只赢我输得起的钱。 
而且，我赌运很好。我没有欠债，但花费却要比我没有赌钱以前多三倍。这样的生活可以让我毫无困难地满足玛格丽特成千种的任性要求，但要维持这种生活却是不容易的。就她来说，她一直跟以前一样地爱我，甚至比以前更爱我了。 As I have told you I began at first by being allowed to stay only between midnight and six in the morning. Then I was allowed into her box at various theatres from time to time. Next, she came and dined with me occasionally. One morning, I did not leave until eight, and there was a day when I did not go until noon. 我刚才已经跟您说过，开始的时候她只在半夜十二点到第二天早晨六点之间接待我，接着她允许我可以经常进入她的包厢，后来她有时还来跟我一起吃晚饭。有一天早晨我到八点钟才离开她，还有一天我一直到中午才走。 Pending her moral transformation, a physical transformation had come over Marguerite. I had undertaken to cure her, and the poor girl, guessing what I was about, did everything I told her as a way of showing her gratitude. Without too much trouble or persuasion, I managed to cut her off almost totally from her old habits. My doctor, whom I had arranged for her to meet, had told me that only rest and quiet could keep her in good health, and consequently, for the supper parties and late nights, I succeeded in substituting a healthy diet and regular sleep. Reluctantly at first, Marguerite took to her new life, the beneficial effects of which she could feel. And soon she began to spend odd evenings at home or, if the weather were fine, she would wrap up well in an Indian shawl, cover her face with a veil, and we would set off on foot, like a couple of children, to roam the evening away along the dusky avenues of the Champs-Elysees. She would return weary, take a light supper and retire to bed after playing a little music or reading a few pages, something which had never happened to her before. The coughing fits, which I had found heartrending whenever I heard her racked by them, had almost completely gone. 在期待着玛格丽特精神上的转变时，她的肉体已经发生了变化。我曾经设法替她治病，这个可怜的姑娘也猜出了我的意图，为了表示她的感谢就听从了我的劝告。我没有费什么周折就使她几乎完全放弃了她的老习惯。我让她去找的那一位医生对我说，只有休息和安静才能使她恢复健康，于是我对她的夜宵订出了合乎卫生的饮食制度，对她的睡眠规定了一定的时间。玛格丽特不知不觉地习惯了这种新的生活方式，她自己也感到这种生活方式对她的健康有益。有几个晚上她开始在自己家里度过，或者遇到好天气的时候，就裹上一条开司米披肩，罩上面纱，我们像两个孩子似的在香榭丽舍大街昏暗的街道上漫步。她回来的时候有些疲劳，稍许吃一些点心，弹一会儿琴，或者看一会儿书便睡觉了。这样的事她过去是从来未曾有过的。从前我每次听到都使我感到心痛的那种咳嗽几乎完全消失了。
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