名著·茶花女 - 第60节

　　他倒没有得理不让人，我们来到了C城，一路上他除了跟我讲些与我离开巴黎的原因毫不相干的话以外，别的什么也没有提。

When I embraced my sister, I was reminded of the words in Marguerite's letter concerning her. But I saw at once that, however fine and good she was, my sister could never make me forget my mistress.

　　当我抱吻我的妹妹时，我想起了玛格丽特信里提到的有关她的话。但是我立即懂得了无论我妹妹有多么好，她也不可能使我忘掉我的情妇。

The hunting season had begun, and my father thought that a spot of shooting might take my mind off things. So he organized hunting parties with neighbours and friends. I went along as unprotesting as I was unenthusiastic, in the mood of apathy which had characterized all my actions since my departure.

　　狩猎季节开始了，我父亲认为这是给我解闷的好机会，因此他跟一些邻居和朋友组织了几次狩猎活动，我也参加了。我既不反对也无热情，一副漠不关心的神气，自从我离开巴黎以后，我的一切行动都是没精打采的。

We went out with beaters. I would be installed in my butt. Then I would put my unloaded gun beside me and let my mind wander.

　　我们进行围猎，他们叫我守在我的位置上，我卸掉了子弹把猎枪放在身旁，人却陷入了沉思。

I watched the clouds pass over. I let my thoughts run wild over the deserted plains and, from time to time, would hear one of the hunters signalling that there was a hare not ten paces in front of me.

　　我看着浮云掠过，听任我的思想在寂寞的原野上驰骋。我不时地听到有个猎人在叫我，向我指出离我十步远的地方有一只野兔。

　　所有这些细节都没有逃过我父亲的眼睛，他可没有因为我外表的平静而被蒙骗过去。他完全知道，不管我的心灵受了多大的打击，总有一天会产生一个可怕、还可能是危险的反作用，他一面尽量装得不像在安慰我，一面极力设法给我消愁解闷。

Of course, my sister had been told nothing of the events which had occurred. She thus found it difficult to under stand why I, who had always been so carefree, should suddenly have become so preoccupied and melancholy.

　　我妹妹当然不知道个中奥秘，但是她弄不懂为什么我这个一向是心情愉快开朗的人突然一下子会变得如此郁郁寡欢，心事重重。

Sometimes in my sadness, catching my father's anxious eye, I would reach out to him and grasp his hand as though to ask a silent pardon for the unhappiness which, despite myself, I was causing him.

　　有时候我正在黯然伤神，突然发现我父亲在忧心忡忡地瞅着我，我伸手过去握了握他的手，似乎在默默无言地要求他原谅我无法自主地给他带来的痛苦。

A month went by in this manner, but a month was all I could bear.

　　一个月就这样过去了，但我已经无法再忍受下去了。

The memory of Marguerite pursued me wherever I went. I had loved that woman ?still loved her ?too much for her suddenly to cease to mean anything to me. Whatever feelings I might have for her now, I had to see her again. At once.

　　玛格丽特的形象一直萦回在我的脑际，我过去和现在都深深地爱着这个女人，根本不可能一下子就把她丢在脑后，我要么爱她，要么就恨她，尤其是无论是爱她还是恨她，我必须再见到她，而且要立即见到她。

　　我心里一有了这个念头就牢牢地生了根，这种顽强的意志在我久无生气的躯体里面又重新出现了。

I needed Marguerite, not at some time in the future, not in a month nor a week from the moment the idea first entered my head, but before another day passed. I immediately went to my father and told him that I proposed to take my leave to attend to some matters which had called me back to Paris, but added that I would return promptly.

　　这并不是说我想在将来，在一个月以后或者在一个星期以后再看到玛格丽特，而是在我有了这个念头的第二天我就要看到她；我跟父亲讲我要离开他，巴黎有些事等着我去办理，不过我很快就会回来的。

He probably guessed the real reasons for my departure, because he insisted that I should stay. But, seeing that if my desires were thwarted, then in my present excitable state, the consequences might prove fatal to me, he embraced me and begged me, almost tearfully, to come back to him soon.

　　他一定猜到了我要去巴黎的原因，因为他坚持不让我走；但是看到我当时满腔怒火，如果实现不了这个愿望可能会产生灾难性的后果。他抱吻了我，几乎流着眼泪要求我尽快地回到他的身边。

I did not sleep all the way to Paris.

　　在到达巴黎之前，我根本没有睡过觉。

What would I do when I got there? I had no idea. But the first thing was to attend to Marguerite.

　　巴黎到了，我要干些什么呢？我不知道，首先当然是要看看玛格丽特怎么样了。

　　我到家里换好衣服，因为那天天气很好，时间还来得及，我就到了香榭丽舍大街。

A half an hour later, in the distance, coming from the Rond-Point down to the Place de la Concorde, I saw Marguerite's carriage approaching.

　　半个小时以后，我远远地看到了玛格丽特的车子从圆形广场向协和广场驶来。

She had bought back her horses, for the carriage was just as it used to be. Only she was not in it.

　　她的马匹已经赎回来了，车子还是老样子，不过车上却没有她。

I had only just noticed that she was not inside when, looking round me, I saw Marguerite walking towards me in the company of a woman I had never seen before.

　　一看到她不在马车里，我就向四周扫了一眼，看到玛格丽特正由一个我过去从未见过的女人陪着徒步走来。

As she passed quite close to me, she turned pale and her lips contracted into an uneasy smile. As for me, my heart beat so violently that it took my breath away. But I managed to give a cold expression to my face and a cold greeting to my former mistress, who went back to her carriage almost at once and got into it with her friend.

　　在经过我身旁的时候，她脸色发白，嘴唇抽了一下，浮现出一种痉挛性的微笑。而我呢，我的心剧烈地跳动，冲击着我的胸膛，但是我总算还保持了冷静的脸色，淡漠地向我过去的情妇弯了弯腰，她几乎立即就向马车走去，和她的女朋友一起坐了上去。

　　我了解玛格丽特，这次不期而遇一定使她惊慌失措。她一定晓得我已经离开了巴黎，因此她对我们关系破裂之后会发生些什么后果放下了心。但是她看到我重新回来，而且劈面相逢，我脸色又是那么苍白，她一定知道我这次回来是有意图的，她一定在猜想以后会发生些什么事情。

If, when I saw her again, Marguerite had been unhappy; if, in taking my revenge, there had also been some way of helping her ?then I might well have forgiven her, and would certainly never have dreamed of doing her any harm. But when I saw her again, she was happy, at least on the surface. Another man had restored her to the luxury in which I had been unable to keep her. Our estrangement, which she had initiated, accordingly acquired the stamp of the basest self- interest. I was humiliated both in my pride and my love: she was going to have to pay for what I had suffered.

　　如果我看到玛格丽特日子不怎么好过，如果我可以给她一些帮助来满足我的报复心理，我可能会原谅她，一定不会再想给她什么苦头吃。但是我看到她很幸福，至少表面上看来是这样，别人已经取代了我供应她那种我不能继续供应的奢侈生活。我们之间关系的破裂是她一手造成，因此带有卑鄙的性质，我的自尊心和我的爱情都受到了侮辱，她必须为我受到的痛苦付出代价。

I could not remain indifferent to what she did now. It followed that the thing that would hurt her most would be precisely for me to show indifference. Indifference, therefore, was the sentiment which I now needed to feign, not only in her presence but in the eyes of others.

　　我不能对这个女人的所作所为淡然处之；而最能使她感到痛苦的，也许莫过于我的无动于衷；不但在她眼前，而且在其他人眼前，我都必须装得若无其事。

I tried to put a smile on my face, and I went to call on Prudence.

　　我试着装出一副笑脸，跑到了普律当丝家里。

Her maid went in to announce me, and kept me waiting briefly in the drawing-room.

　　她的女用人进去通报我来了，并要我在客厅里稍候片刻。