目 录 上一节 下一节 
“您是一位高贵的姑娘。”您父亲吻着我的前额说，“您要做的是一件天主也会赞许的事，但是我很怕您对我儿子将毫无办法。” "Do not trouble yourself on that score, Monsieur Duval: he will hate me." “喔，请放心，先生，他会恨我的。” A barrier had to be erected between us which neither of us would be able to cross. 我们之间必须有一道不可逾越的障碍，为了我，也为了您。 I wrote to Prudence saying that I accepted Count de N's proposition, and said that she could go and tell him I would have supper with them both. 我写信给普律当丝，告诉她我接受了N伯爵先生的要求，要她去对伯爵说，我将和他们两人一起吃夜宵。 I sealed the letter and, saying nothing of what it contained, I asked your father to see that it was delivered the moment he got back to Paris. 我封好信，也不跟您父亲说里面写了些什么，我请他到巴黎以后叫人把这封信按地址送去。 
不过他还是问我信里写了些什么？ "Your son's happiness,"I answered. “写的是您儿子的幸福。”我回答他说。 Your father embraced me one last time. On my forehead, I felt two tears of gratitude which were, so to speak, the waters of baptism which washed away my former sins and, even as I consented to give myself to another man, I shone with pride at the thought of everything that this new sin would redeem. 您父亲最后又吻了我一次。我感到有两滴感激的泪珠滴落在我的前额上，这两滴泪珠就像对我过去所犯的错误的洗礼。就在我刚才同意委身于另一个男人的时候，一想到用这个新的错误所赎回的东西时我自豪得满脸生光。 It was all quite natural, Armand. You once told me your father was the most upright man anyone could hope to meet. 这是非常自然的，阿尔芒；您曾经跟我讲过您父亲是世界上最正直的人。 Monsieur Duval got into his carriage and drove off. 迪瓦尔先生坐上马车走了。 
可我毕竟是个女人，当我重新看见您时，我忍不住哭了，但是我没有动摇。 Was I right? That is the question I ask myself today when illness forces me to take to my bed which I shall perhaps leave only when I am dead. 今天我病倒在床上，也许要到死才能离开这张床。我心里在想：“我做得对吗？” You yourself witnessed all that I suffered as the time for our inevitable separation drew near. Your father was not there to see me through, and there was a moment when I came very near to telling you everything, so appalling was the idea that you would hate and despise me. 当我们不得不离别的时刻越来越近时，我的感受您是亲眼看到的。您父亲已经不在那里，没有人支持我了。一想到您要恨我，要看不起我，我有多么惊慌啊，有一忽儿我几乎要把一切都说给您听了。 One thing that you will perhaps not believe, Armand, is that I prayed to God to give me strength. The proof that He accepted my sacrifice is that He gave me the strength I begged for. 有一件事您可能不会相信，阿尔芒，这就是我请求天主给我力量。天主赐给了我向他祈求的力量，这就证明了他接受了我的牺牲。 During the supper party, I still needed His help, for I could not bring myself to face what I was about to do, such was my fear that my courage would fail me! 在那次吃夜宵的时候，我还是需要有人帮助，因为我不愿意知道我要做些什么，我多么怕我会失掉勇气啊！ 
有谁会相信我，玛格丽特·戈蒂埃，在想到又要有一个新情人的时候，竟然会如此的悲伤？ I drank to forget, and when I woke next morning, I was in the Count's bed. 为了忘却一切，我喝了好多酒，第二天醒来时我睡在伯爵的床上。 This is the whole truth, my dear. Judge now, and forgive me, as I have forgiven all the hurt you have done me since that day.' 这就是全部事实真相，朋友，请您评判吧。原谅我吧，就像我已经原谅了您从那天起所给我的一切苦难一样。 WHAT ensued after that fatal night, you know as well as I do. But what you do not know, what you cannot suspect, is what I went through after the moment we parted. 在那决定命运的一夜以后所发生的事情，您跟我一样清楚，但是在我们分离以后我所受的痛苦您却是不知道，也是您想象不到的。 I had heard that your father had taken you away, but felt sure that you would not be able to go on keeping your distance for long, and the day I ran into you on the Champs-Elysees, I was stunned but not really surprised. 我知道您父亲已把您带走，但是我不太相信您能离开我而长期这样生活下去，那天我在香榭丽舍大街遇到您时我很激动，但是我并不感到意外。 
然后就开始了那一连串的日子，在那些日子里您每天都要想出点新花样来侮辱我，这些侮辱可以说我都愉快地接受了，因为除了这种侮辱是您始终爱我的证据以外，我似乎觉得您越是折磨我，等到您知道真相的那一天，我在您眼里也就会显得越加崇高。 Do not be surprised that I should have borne my cross gladly, Armand, for the love you felt for me had aroused noble inclinations in my heart. 不要为我这种愉快的牺牲精神感到惊奇，阿尔芒，您以前对我的爱情已经把我的心灵向着崇高的激情打开了。 But I did not have such strength of purpose at the outset. 但是我不是一下子就这样坚强的。 Between the consummation of the sacrifice I had made for you and your return, a fairly long time went by when I needed to fall back on physical means as a way of preserving my sanity and of drowning my unhappiness in the life to which I had reverted. I believe Prudence told you how I never missed a party or a ball or an orgy. 在我为您作出牺牲和您回来之间有一段很长的时间，在这段时间里为了不让自己发疯，为了在我投入的那种生活中去自我麻醉，我需要求助于肉体上的疲劳。普律当丝已经对您讲了，是不是？我一直像在过节一样，我参加所有的舞会和宴饮。 My hope was that I should kill myself quickly with my excesses, and I think that this hope will not now be long in being realized. Of necessity, my health deteriorated steadily, and the day I sent Madame Duvernoy to beg for your mercy, I was close to collapse in both body and soul. 在这样过度的纵情欢乐之后，我多么希望自己快些死去；而且，我相信这个愿望不久就会实现的，我的健康无疑是越来越糟了。在我请迪韦尔诺瓦太太来向您求饶的时候，我在肉体上和灵魂上都已极度衰竭。 
阿尔芒，我不想向您提起，在我最后一次向您证明我对您的爱情时，您是怎样报答我的，您又是用什么样的凌辱来把这个女人赶出巴黎的。这个垂死的女人在听到您向她要求一夜恩爱的声音时感到无法拒绝，她像一个失去理智的人，曾一时以为这个夜晚可以把过去和现在重新连接起来。阿尔芒，您有权做您做过的事，别人在我那里过夜，出的价钱并不总是那么高的！ So I left it all behind me! Olympe replaced me as Monsieur N's mistress and took it on herself, so I hear, to explain my reasons for leaving him. Count de G was in London. He is one of those men who attach just enough importance to running after girls of my sort for it to be a pleasant diversion, and thus remain on friendly terms with the women they have had: they never hate them, because they have never been jealous. He is one of those noble Lords who show us one side of their feelings but both ends of their wallets. My first thought was of him. I travelled over to join him. He gave me a marvellous welcome, but he was the lover of a society lady there, and was afraid of compromising himself by being seen with me. He introduced me to his friends, who organized a supper party for me, after which one of them took me home with him. 于是我抛弃了一切，奥林普在N先生身边代替了我，有人对我说，她已经告诉了他我离开巴黎的原因。G伯爵在伦敦，他这种人对于跟像我这样的姑娘的爱情关系只不过看作一种愉快的消遣。他和跟他相好过的女人总是保持着朋友关系，既不怀恨在心，也不争风吃醋，总之他是一位阔老爷，他只向我们打开他心灵的一角，但是他的钱包倒是向我们敞开的。我立即想到了他，就去找了他，他非常殷勤地接待了我，但是他在那边已经有了一个情妇，是一个上流社会的女人。他怕与我之间的事情张扬出去对他不利，便把我介绍给了他的朋友们。他们请我吃夜宵，吃过夜宵，其中有一个人就把我带走了。 What did you expect me to do, my dear? Kill myself? To do so would have meant burdening your life, which must be a happy one, with pointless self-recriminations. And in any case, what is the sense of killing yourself when you are already so close to dying? 您要我怎么办呢，我的朋友？自杀吗？这可能给您应该是幸福的一生带来不必要的内疚；再说，一个快要死的人为什么还要自杀呢？ I turned into a body without a soul, a thing without thought. I continued in this mechanical way for some time, then came back to Paris and made enquiries about you. It was at this point that I learned that you had gone away on a long journey. There was nothing now to save me. My life once more became what it used to be two years before I met you. I tried to get back on terms with the Duke, but I had wounded him too deeply, and old men are short on patience, no doubt because they are aware that they are not going to live forever. My illness grew on me day by day. I had no colour, I felt desolate, I became thinner all the time. Men who buy love always inspect the goods before taking delivery of them. In Paris, there were many women whose health was better, and who had better figures than mine. I began to be overlooked. So much for the past, up to yesterday. 我成了没有灵魂的躯壳，没有思想的东西，我行尸走肉般地过了一段时期这样的生活，随后我又回到巴黎，打听您的消息，这我才知道您已经出远门去了。我得不到任何支持，我的生活又恢复到两年前我认识您时一样了，我想再把公爵找回来，但是我过分地伤了这个人的心，而老年人都是没有耐心的，大概因为他们觉得自己不是长生不老的。我的病况日益严重，我脸色苍白，我心情悲痛，我越来越瘦，购买爱情的男人在取货以前是要先看看货色的。巴黎有的是比我健康、比我丰满的女人，大家有点把我忘记了，这些就是今天以前发生的事情。
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