目 录 上一节 下一节 
希望病愈只不过是一个梦想。我又躺倒了，身上涂满了灼得我发痛的药膏。过去千金难买的身躯今天恐怕是一钱不值了！ We must have committed very wiched deeds before we were born, or else we are to enjoy very great felicity after we are dead, for God to allow us to know in this life all the agony of atonement and all the pain of our time of trial. 我们一定是前世作孽过多，再不就是来生将享尽荣华，所以天主才会使我们这一生历尽赎罪和磨炼的煎熬。 12 January 一月二十日 I am still ill. 我一直很难受。 Count de N sent me money yesterday, but I did not take it. I want nothing from that man. He is the reason why you are not with me now. N 伯爵昨天送钱给我，我没有接受。这个人的东西我都不要，就是为了他才害得您不在我身边。 
哦！我们在布吉瓦尔的日子有多美啊！此刻您在哪里啊？ If I get out of this bedroom alive, it will be to go on a pilgrimage to the house where we lived together. But the next time I leave here, I shall be dead. 如果我能活着走出这个房间，我一定要去朝拜那座我们一起住过的房子，但看来我只能被抬着出去了。 Who knows if I shall write to you tomorrow? 谁知道我明天还能不能写信给您？ 25 January 一月二十五日 For eleven nights now, I have not slept, I have not been able to breathe, and I have thought that I was about to die at any moment. The doctor has left instructions that I was not to be permitted to touch a pen. Still, Julie Duprat who sits up with me, has allowed me to write you these few lines. Will you not return, then, before I die? Is everything between us finished forever? I have a feeling that if you did come back, I should get better. But what would be the point of getting better? 已经有十一个夜晚我没法安睡了，我闷得透不过气来，每时每刻我都以为我要死了。医生嘱咐不能再让我动笔。朱利·迪普拉陪着我，她倒允许我跟您写上几行。难道在我死以前您就不会回来了吗？我们之间的关系就此永远完了吗？我似乎觉得只要您来了，我的病就会好的。可是病好了又有什么用呢？ 
一月二十八日 This morning, I was awakened by a loud commotion. Julie, who was sleeping in my room, rushed into the dining room. I heard men's voices, and hers battling vainly against them. She came back in tears. 今天早晨我被一阵很大的声音惊醒了。睡在我房里的朱利马上跑到餐室里去。我听到朱利在跟一些男人争吵，但没有用处，她哭着回来了。 They had come to repossess their goods. I told her to let what they call justice be done. The bailiff came into my room, and he kept his hat on his head the whole time. He opened the drawers, made a note of everything he saw, and did not appear to notice that there was a woman dying in the bed which the charity of the law fortunately lets me keep. 他们是来查封的。我对朱利说让他们去干他们称之为司法的事吧。执达吏戴着帽子走进了我的房间。他打开所有的抽屉，把他看见的东西都登记下来，他仿佛没有看见床上有一个垂死的女人，幸而法律仁慈，这张床总算设给查封掉。 As he was going he at least agreed to inform me that I had nine days in which to appeal, but he has left a watchman here! God, what is to become of me? This scene has made me more ill than ever. Prudence wanted to ask your father's friend for money, but I said no. 他走的时候总算对我说了一句话，我可以在九天之内提出反对意见，但是他留下了一个看守！我的天啊，我将变成什么啦！这场风波使我的病加重了。普律当丝想去向您父亲的朋友要些钱，我反对她这样做。 I received your letter this morning. Oh, how I needed it to come! Will my reply reach you in time? Will you ever see me again? This is a happy day which has helped me forget the days which I have spent these last six weeks. It seems to me that I am a little better, in spite of the miserable feeling which was my mood when I wrote you my reply. 今天早晨我收到了您的来信，这是我渴望已久的，您是不是能及时收到我的回信？您还能见到我吗？这是一个幸福的日子，它使我忘记了六个星期以来我所经受的一切，尽管我写回信的时候心情悒郁，我还是觉得好受一些了。 
总之，人总不会永远不幸的吧。 And then I fall to thinking that perhaps I won't die, that you will come back, that I shall see the spring once more, that you love me still, and that we shall begin the life we had last year all over again? 我还想到也许我不会死，也许您能回来，也许我将再一次看到春天，也许您还是爱我的，也许我们将重新开始我们去年的生活！ But this is madness! It is as much as I can do to hold the pen which writes to you of these wild longings of my heart. 我真是疯了！我几乎拿不住笔了，我正用这支笔把我心里的胡思乱想写给您。 Whatever the outcome, I loved you very much, Armand, and I should have already been dead a long time if I had not had the memory of my love to sustain me, and a kind of vague hope of seeing you by my side once more. 不管发生什么事，我总是非常爱您，阿尔芒，如果我没有这种爱情的回忆和重新看到您在我身旁的渺茫的希望支持我的话，我可能早已离开人世了。 4 February 二月四日 
伯爵回来了。他的情妇欺骗了他，他很难过，他是很爱她的。他把一切都告诉了我。这个可怜的年轻人的事业不太妙，尽管这样，他还是付了一笔钱给我的执达吏，并遣走了看守。 I talked to him about you, and he has promised to talk to you about me. It's strange but, as I spoke, I completely forgot that I used to be his mistress once and, no less strangely, he tried to make me forget too! He is a decent sort. 我向他讲起了您，他答应我向您谈谈我的情况。在这个时候我竟然忘记了我曾经做过他的情妇，而他也想让我把这件事忘掉！他的心肠真好！ Yesterday, the Duke sent round to enquire after me, and he came himself this morning. I cannot think what can keep the old man going. He sat with me for three hours, and did not say much above a score of words. Two great tears came to his eyes when he saw how pale I was. No doubt the memory of his daughter's death made him cry so. He will have seen her die twice. His back is bent, his head is thrust forward and downward, his mouth is slack and his eyes are dull. The double weight of age and grief bears down upon his tired body. He did not say one word of reproach. It was as though he found some secret satisfaction in observing what ravages disease has produced in me. He seemed proud to be still standing, whereas I, who am still young, have been laid low by my sufferings. 昨天公爵派人来探问我的病情，今天早上他自己来了。我不知道这个老头儿是怎么活下来的。他在我身边呆了三个小时，没有跟我讲几句话。当他看到我苍白得这般模样的时候，两大颗泪珠从他的眼睛里滴落下来。他一定是想到了他女儿的死才哭的。他就要看到她死第二次了，他伛偻着背，脑袋聋拉着，嘴唇下垂，目光黯淡。他衰朽的身体背负着年老和痛苦这两个重负，他没有讲一句责备我的话。别人甚至会说他在暗暗地庆幸疾病对我的摧残呢。他似乎为他能够站着觉得骄傲，而我还年纪轻轻，却已经被病痛压垮了。 The bad weather has returned. No one comes to see me now. Julie sits up with me as often as she can. I cannot give Prudence as much money as I used to, and she has begun saying that she has business to attend to as an excuse for staying away. 天气又变坏了，没有人来探望我，朱利尽可能地照料着我。普律当丝因为我已经不能像以前那样给她那么多钱，就开始借口有事不肯到我这里来了。 Now that I am near to death ?in spite of what the doctors say, for I have several, which only shows how the disease is gaining on me ?I am almost sorry I listened to your father. If I had known that I would have taken just one year out of your future, I would not have resisted my longing to spend that year with you, and then, at least, I should have died holding the hand of a friend. Yet it is clear that had we spent that year together, I should not have died so soon. 不管医生们怎么说，现在我快死了。我有好几个医生，这证明了我的病情在恶化。我几乎在后悔当初听了您父亲的话，如果我早知道在您未来的生活中我只要占您一年的时间，我可能不会放弃跟您一起度过这一年的愿望，至少我可以握着我朋友的手死去。不过如果我们在一起度过这一年，我也肯定不会死得这么快的。 
天主的意志是不可违逆的！ 5 February 二月五日 Oh, come to me, Armand, for I suffer torments! God, I am about to die! Yesterday, I was so low that I felt I wanted to be somewhere other than here for the evening, which promised to be as long as the one before, The Duke had been in the morning. I have a feeling that the sight of this old man, whom death has overlooked, brings my own death that much nearer. 喔！来啊，来啊，阿尔芒，我难受死了。我要死了，我的天。昨天我是多么悲伤，我竟不想待在家里，而宁愿到别处去度过夜晚了，这个夜晚会像前天夜晚一样漫长。早晨公爵来了，这个被死神遗忘了的老头子一出现就仿佛在催我快点儿死。 Although I was burning with fever, I was dressed and taken to the Vaudeville. Julie had rouged my cheeks, for otherwise I should have looked like a corpse. I took my place in the box where I gave you our first rendezvous. I kept my eyes fixed the whole time on the seat in the stalls where you sat that day: yesterday, it was occupied by some boorish man who laughed loudly at all the stupid things the actors said. I was brought home half dead and spat blood all night. Today I cannot speak and can hardly move my arms. God! God! I am going to die! I was expecting it, but I cannot reconcile myself to the thought that my greatest sufferings are still to come, and if? 尽管我发着高烧，我还是叫人替我穿好了衣服，乘车到歌舞剧院去。朱利替我抹了脂粉，否则我真有点儿像一具尸体了。我到了那个我第一次跟您约会的包厢；我一直把眼睛盯在您那天坐的位置上，而昨天那里坐着的却是一个乡下佬，一听到演员的插科打诨，他就粗野地哄笑着。人们把我送回家时，我已经半死不活。整个晚上我都在咳嗽吐血。今天我话也说不出，我的胳膊几乎都抬不起来了。我的天！我的天！我就要死了。我本来就在等死，但是我没有想到会受到这样的简直无法忍受的痛苦，如果……
| 
