名著·鲁宾逊飘流记 - 第38节


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  当上述种种想法在我头脑里萦回时,我起初还庆幸自己当时没有在那边,也没有给他们发现我的小船。要是他们真的看到了小船,就会断定这小岛上有人,说不定会来搜寻我。可是,我又胡思乱想起来,出现了一些恐怖的念头。我想,他们可能已发现了我的小船,并且也已发现这岛上有人。又想,如果这样,他们一定会来更多的人把我吃掉;即使他们找不到我,也一定会发现我的围墙。那样,他们就会把我的谷物通通毁掉,把我驯养的山羊都劫走;最后,我只好活活饿死。

   Thus my Fear banish'd all my religious Hope; all that former Confidence in God which was founded upon such wonderful Experience as I had had of his Goodness, now vanished, as if he that had fed me by Miracle hitherto, could not preserve by his Power the Provision which he had made for me by his Goodness: I reproach'd my self with my Easiness, that would not sow any more Corn one Year than would just serve me till the next Season, as if no Accident could intervene to prevent my enjoying the Crop that was upon the Ground; and this I thought so just a Reproof, that I resolv'd for the future to have two or three Years Corn beforehand, so that whatever might come, I might not perish for want of Bread.

  恐惧心驱走了我全部的宗教信仰。在此之前,我亲身感受到上帝的恩惠,使我产生了对上帝的信仰;现在,这种信仰完全消失了。过去,上帝用神迹赐给我食物;而现在,我似乎认为他竟无力来保护他所赐给我的食物了。于是,我责备自己贪图安逸的生活,不肯多种一些粮食,只图能接得上下一季吃的就算了,好像不会发生什么意外似的,认为我一定能享用地里收获的谷物。这种自我谴责是有道理的,所以我决定以后一定要屯积好两三年的粮食。这样,无论发生什么事,也不致于因缺乏粮食而饿死。

   How strange a Chequer Work of Providence is the Life of Man! and by what secret differing Springs are the Affections hurry'd about as differing Circumstance present To Day we love what to Morrow we hate; to Day we seek what to Morrow we shun; to Day we desire what to Morrow we fear; nay even tremble at the Apprehensions of; this was exemplify'd in me at this Time in the most lively Manner imaginable; for I whose only Affliction was, that I seem'd banished from human Society, that I was alone, circumscrib'd by the boundless Ocean, cut off from Mankind, and condemn'd to what I call'd silent Life; that I was as one who Heaven thought not worthy to be number'd among the Living, or to appear among the rest of his Creatures; that to have seen one of my own Species, would have seem'd to me a Raising me from Death to Life, and the greatest Blessing that Heaven it self, next to the supreme Blessing of Salvation, could bestow; I say, that I should now tremble at the very Apprehensions of seeing a Man, and was ready to sink into the Ground at but the Shadow or silent Appearance of a Man's having set his Foot in the Island.

  天命难测,使人生显得多么光怪陆离,变化无穷啊!在不同的环境下,人的感情又怎样变幻无常啊!我们今天所爱的,往往是我们明天所恨的;我们今天所追求的,往往是我们明天所逃避的;我们今天所希翼的,往往是我们明天所害怕的,甚至会吓得胆战心惊。现在,我自己就是一个生动的例子。以前,我觉得,我最大的痛苦是被人类社会所抛弃,孤身一人,被汪洋大海所包围,与人世隔绝,被贬黜而过着寂寞的生活。仿佛上天认定我不足与人类为伍,不足与其他人交往似的。我当时觉得,假如我能见到一个人,对我来说不亚于死而复生,那将是上帝所能赐给我的最大的幸福,这种幸福仅次于上帝饶恕我在人间所犯的罪孽,让我登上天堂。而现在呢,只要疑心可能会看到人,我就会不寒而栗;只要见到人影,看到人在岛上留下的脚印无声无息地躺在那里,我就恨不得地上有个洞让我钻下去。

   Such is the uneven State of human Life: And it afforded me a great many curious Speculations afterwards, when I had a little recover'd my first Surprize; I consider'd that this was the Station of Life the infinitely wise and good Providence of God had determin'd for me, that as I could not foresee what the Ends of Divine Wisdom might be in all this, so I was not to dispute his Sovereignty, who, as I was his Creature, had an undoubted Right by Creation to govern and dispose of me absolutely as he thought fit; and who, as I was a Creature who had offended him, had likewise a judicial Right to condemn me to what Punishment he thought fit; and that it was my Part to submit to bear his Indignation, because I had sinn'd against him.

  人生就是这么变幻无常。我惊魂甫定之后,产生了关于人生的离奇古怪的想法。我认识到,我当前的境遇,正是大智大仁的上帝为我安排的。我既然无法预知天命,就该服从上帝的绝对权威。因为,我既然是上帝创造的,他就拥有绝对的权力按照他的旨意支配我和处置我;而我自己又曾冒犯过他,他当然有权力给我任何惩罚,这是合情合理的。我自己也理所当然地应接受他的惩罚,因为我对上帝犯了罪。

   I then reflected that God, who was not only Righteous but Onmipotent, as he had thought fit thus to punish and afflict me, so he was able to deliver me; that if he did not think fit to do it, 'twas my unquestion'd Duty to resign my self absolutely and entirely to his Will; and on the other Hand, it was my Duty also to hope in him, pray to him, and quietly to attend the Dictates and Directions of his daily Providence.

  于是,我又想到,既然公正而万能的上帝认为应该这样惩罚我,他当然也有力量拯救我。如果上帝认为不应该拯救我,我就应该认命,绝对地、毫无保留地服从上帝的旨意;同时,我也应该对上帝寄予希望,向他祈祷,静静地听候他圣意的吩咐和指示。

  我就这样苦思冥想,花去了许多小时,许多天,甚至许多星期,许多个月。思考的结果,在当时对我产生了一种特殊的影响,不能不在这里提一下。那就是:一天清晨,我正躺在床上想着野人出现的危险,心里觉得忐忑不安。这时,我忽然想到《圣经》上的话:"你在患难的时候呼求我,我就必拯救你,而你要颂赞我。 "于是,我愉快地从床上爬起来,不仅心里感到宽慰多了,而且获得了指引和鼓舞,虔诚地向上帝祈祷,恳求他能拯救我。做完祈祷之后,我就拿起《圣经》翻开来,首先就看到下面这句话:"等候上帝,要刚强勇敢,坚定你的意志,等候上帝!"这几句话给我的安慰,非语言所能形容。于是,我放下《圣经》,心里充满了感激之情,也不再忧愁哀伤,至少当时不再难过了。

   In the middle of these Cogitations, Apprehensions and Reflections, it came into my Thought one Day, that all this might be a meer Chimera of my own; and that this Foot might be the Print of my own Foot, when I came on Shore from my Boat: This chear'd me up a little too, and I began to perswade my self it was all a Delusion; that it was nothing else but my own Foot, and why might not I come that way from the Boat, as well as I was going that way to the Boat; again, I consider'd also that I could by no Means tell for certain where I had trod, and where I had not; and that if at last this was only the Print of my own Foot, I had play'd the Part of those Fools, who strive to make stories of Spectres, and Apparitions; and then are frighted at them more than any body.

  我就这样一会儿胡猜乱想,一会儿疑神疑鬼,一会儿又反省冥思。忽然有一天,我觉得这一切也许全是我自己的幻觉。那只脚印可能是我下船上岸时自己留在沙滩上的。这个想法使我稍稍高兴了一些,并竭力使自己相信,那确实是自己的幻觉,那只不过是自己留下的脚印而已。因为,我既然可以从那儿上船,当然也可以从那儿下船上岸。更何况,我自己也无法确定哪儿我走过,哪儿我没走过。如果最终证明那只不过是自己的脚印,我岂不成了个大傻瓜,就像那些编造鬼怪恐怖故事的傻瓜,没有吓倒别人反而吓坏了自己!

   Now I began to take Courage, and to peep abroad again; for I had not stirr'd out of my Castle for three Days and Nights; so that I began to starve for Provision; for I had little or nothing within Doors, but some Barley Cakes and water. Then I knew that my Goats wanted to be milk'd too, which usually was my Evening Diversion; and the poor Creatures were in great Pain and Inconvenience for want of it; and indeed, it almost spoil'd some of them, and almost dry'd up their Milk.

  于是,我又鼓起勇气,想到外面去看看。我已经三天三夜没有走出城堡了,家里快断粮了,只剩一些大麦饼和水。另外,我还想到,那些山羊也该挤奶了,这项工作一直是我傍晚的消遣。那些可怜的家伙好久没挤奶,一定痛苦不安。事实上,由于长久没有挤奶,有好几只几乎已挤不出奶而糟蹋掉了。

   Heartning my self therefore with the Belief that this was nothing but the Print of one of my own Feet, and so I might be truly said to start at my own Shadow, I began to go abroad again, and went to my Country House, to milk my Flock; but to see with what Fear I went forward, how often I look'd behind me, how I was ready every now and then to lay down my Basket, and run for my Life, it would have made any one have thought I was haunted with an evil Conscience, or that I had been lately most terribly frighted, and so indeed I had.

  相信那不过是自己的脚印,这一切只是自己在吓自己,我就壮起胆子重新外出了,并跑到我的乡间别墅去挤羊奶。我一路上担惊害怕,一步三回头往身后张望,时刻准备丢下筐子逃命。如果有人看到我那走路的样子,一定以为我做了什么亏心事,或新近受了什么极大的惊吓哩--受惊吓这倒也是事实!

   However, as I went down thus two or three Days, and having seen nothing, I began to be a little bolder; and to think there was really nothing in it, but my own Imagination: But I cou'd not perswade my self fully of this, till I should go down to the Shore again, and see this Print of a Foot, and measure it by my own, and see if there was any Similitude or Fitness, that I might be assur'd it was my own Foot: But when I came to the Place, First, It appear'd evidently to me, that when I laid up my Boat, I could not possibly be on Shore any where there about. Secondly, When I came to measure the Mark with my own Foot, I found my Foot not so large by a great deal; both these Things fill'd my Head with new Imaginations, and gave me the Vapours again, to the highest Degree; so that I shook with cold, like one in an Ague: And I went Home again, fill'd with the Belief that some Man Or Men had been on Shore there; or in short, that the Island was inhabited, and I might be surpriz'd before I was aware; and what course to take for my Security I knew not.

  可是,我一连跑去挤了两三天奶,什么也没有看到,我的胆子稍稍大了一点。我想,其实没有什么事情,都是我的想象罢了。但我还不能使自己确信那一定是自己的脚印,除非我再到海边去一趟,亲自看看那个脚印,用自己的脚去比一比,看看是不是一样大;只有这样,我才能确信那是我自己的脚樱不料,我一到那边,首先发现的是,当初我停放小船时,绝不可能在那儿上岸;其次,当我用自己的脚去比那脚印时,发现我的脚小得多。这两个情况又使我马上胡思乱想起来,并使我忧心忡忡,忐忑不安。结果我吓得浑身颤抖,好像发疟疾一样。我马上跑回家里,深信至少一个人或一些人上过岸。总之,岛上已经有人了,说不定什么时候会对我进行突然袭击,使我措手不及。至于我应采取什么措施进行防卫,却仍毫无头绪。

  唉!人在恐惧中所作出的决定是多么荒唐可笑啊!凡是理智提供他们保护自己的种种办法,一旦恐惧心占了上风,他们就不知道如何使用这些办法了。我的第一个想法,就是把那些围墙拆掉,把所有围地中的羊放回树林,任凭它们变成野羊,免得敌人发现之后,为了掠夺更多的羊而经常上岛骚扰;其次,我又打算索性把那两块谷物田也挖掉,免得他们在那里发现这种谷物后,再常常到岛上来劫掠。最后,我甚至想把乡间茅舍和海边住所的帐篷都通通毁掉,免得他们会发现住人的痕迹,从而会进行搜索,找出住在这里的人。

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名著·鲁宾逊飘流记 - 第38节