目 录 上一节 下一节 
这种生活，'我终于说，'是地狱！这就是无底深渊里的空气和声音！要是我能够，我有权解脱自己。人世的痛苦连同拖累我灵魂的沉重肉体会离我而去。对狂热者信奉的地狱之火，我并不害怕。将来的状况不会比现在的更糟--让我摆脱，回到上帝那儿去吧！' "I said this whilst I knelt down at, and unlocked a trunk whichcontained a brace of loaded pistols: I mean to shoot myself. Ionly entertained the intention for a moment; for, not being insane,the crisis of exquisite and unalloyed despair, which had originatedthe wish and design of self-destruction, was past in a second." 我一面说，一面蹲在一只箱子旁边，把锁打开，箱子里放着一对上了子弹的手枪。我想开枪自杀。但这一念头只转了一会儿，由于我没有发疯，那种激起自杀念头并使我万念俱灰的危机，刹那间过去了。 "A wind fresh from Europe blew over the ocean and rushed through theopen casement: the storm broke, streamed, thundered, blazed, andthe air grew pure. I then framed and fixed a resolution. While Iwalked under the dripping orange-trees of my wet garden, and amongstits drenched pomegranates and pine-apples, and while the refulgentdawn of the tropics kindled round me--I reasoned thus, Jane--and nowlisten; for it was true Wisdom that consoled me in that hour, andshowed me the right path to follow." 刚刚来自欧洲的风吹过洋面，穿过宽敞的窗户。暴风雨到来了，大雨滂沱，雷鸣电闪，空气变得清新了。随后我设想并下定了决心。我在湿漉漉的园子里水珠滴嗒的桔子树下，在湿透的石榴和菠萝树中间漫步，周围燃起了灿烂的热带黎明一-于是我思考着，简-一噢，听着，在那一时刻真正的智慧抚慰了我，向我指明了正确的道路。 "The sweet wind from Europe was still whispering in the refreshedleaves, and the Atlantic was thundering in glorious liberty; myheart, dried up and scorched for a long time, swelled to the tone,and filled with living blood--my being longed for renewal--my soulthirsted for a pure draught. I saw hope revive--and feltregeneration possible. From a flowery arch at the bottom of mygarden I gazed over the sea--bluer than the sky: the old world wasbeyond; clear prospects opened thus:-" 从欧洲吹来的甜甜的凤，在格外清新的树叶间耳语，大西洋自由自在地咆哮着。我那颗早已干枯和焦灼的心，对着那声音舒张开来，注满了活的血液一-我的身躯向往新生--我的心灵渴望甘露。我看见希望复活了--感到重生有了可能。我从花园顶端拱形花棚下眺望着大海--它比天空更加蔚蓝。旧世界已经远去，清晰的前景展现在面前，于是： "'Go,' said Hope, 'and live again in Europe: there it is not knownwhat a sullied name you bear, nor what a filthy burden is bound toyou. You may take the maniac with you to England; confine her withdue attendance and precautions at Thornfield: then travel yourselfto what clime you will, and form what new tie you like. That woman,who has so abused your long-suffering, so sullied your name, sooutraged your honour, so blighted your youth, is not your wife, norare you her husband. See that she is cared for as her conditiondemands, and you have done all that God and humanity require of you.Let her identity, her connection with yourself, be buried inoblivion: you are bound to impart them to no living being. Placeher in safety and comfort: shelter her degradation with secrecy,and leave her.'"' 走吧，'希望说，'再到欧洲去生活吧，在那里你那被玷污的名字不为人所知，也没有人知道你背负着龌龊的重荷。你可以把疯子带往英国，关在桑菲尔德，给予应有的照料和戒备。然后到随便哪个地方去旅游，结识你喜欢的新关系。那个女人恣意让你如此长期受苦，如此败坏你的名声，如此侵犯你的荣誉，如此毁灭你的青春，她不是你妻子，你也不是她丈夫。注意让她按病情需要得到照应，那你就已做了上帝和人类要求你的一切。让她的身份，她同你的关系永远被忘却，你决不要把这些告诉任何活人。把她安置在一个安全舒适的地方，悄悄地把她的堕落掩藏起来，离开她吧。'" 
我完全按这个建议去做。我的父亲和哥哥没有把我婚姻的底细透给他们的旧识，因为在我写给他们的第一封信里，我就向他们通报了我的婚配--已经开始感受到它极其讨厌的后果，而且从那一家人的性格和体质中，看到了我可怕的前景一一我附带又敦促他们严守秘密。不久，我父亲替我选中的妻子的丑行，己经到了这个地步，使他也羞于认她为媳了。对这一关系他远不想大事声张，却像我一样急于把它掩盖起来。 "To England, then, I conveyed her; a fearful voyage I had with sucha monster in the vessel. Glad was I when I at last got her toThornfield, and saw her safely lodged in that third-storey room, ofwhose secret inner cabinet she has now for ten years made a wildbeast's den--a goblin's cell. I had some trouble in finding anattendant for her, as it was necessary to select one on whosefidelity dependence could be placed; for her ravings wouldinevitably betray my secret: besides, she had lucid intervals ofdays--sometimes weeks--which she filled up with abuse of me. Atlast I hired Grace Poole from the Grimbsy Retreat. She and thesurgeon, Carter (who dressed Mason's wounds that night he wasstabbed and worried), are the only two I have ever admitted to myconfidence. Mrs. Fairfax may indeed have suspected something, butshe could have gained no precise knowledge as to facts. Grace has,on the whole, proved a good keeper; though, owing partly to a faultof her own, of which it appears nothing can cure her, and which isincident to her harassing profession, her vigilance has been morethan once lulled and baffled. The lunatic is both cunning andmalignant; she has never failed to take advantage of her guardian'stemporary lapses; once to secrete the knife with which she stabbedher brother, and twice to possess herself of the key of her cell,and issue therefrom in the night-time. On the first of theseoccasions, she perpetrated the attempt to burn me in my bed; on thesecond, she paid that ghastly visit to you. I thank Providence, whowatched over you, that she then spent her fury on your weddingapparel, which perhaps brought back vague reminiscences of her ownbridal days: but on what might have happened, I cannot endure toreflect. When I think of the thing which flew at my throat thismorning, hanging its black and scarlet visage over the nest of mydove, my blood curdles" 随后我把她送到了英格兰，同这么个怪物呆在船上，经历了一次可怕的航行。我非常兴，最后终于把她送到了桑菲尔德，看她平安地住在三楼房间里。房间的内密室，十年来己被她弄成了野兽的巢穴--妖怪的密室。我费了一番周折找人服侍她。有必要选择一位忠实可靠的人，因为她的呓语必然会泄露我的秘密。此外，她还有神志清醒的日子--有时几周--这种时候她整日价骂我。最后我从格里姆斯比收容所雇来了格雷斯.普尔。她和外科医生卡特（梅森被刺并心事重重的那个夜晚，是他给梅森包，扎了伤口），只有这两个人，我让他们知道我内心的秘密。费尔法克斯太太其实也许有些怀疑，但无法确切了解有关事实。总的来说，格雷斯证明是个好管家。但多半是因为伴随这折磨人的差事而来，而又无可救药的自身缺陷，她不止一次放松警戒，出了事情。这个疯子既狡猾又恶毒，决不放过机会，利用看护人暂时的疏忽。有一次她偷偷拿刀捅了她弟弟，有两次搞到了她小房间的钥匙，并且夜间从那里走了出来。在以上第一个场合，她蓄意把我烧死在床上，第二次，她找到你门上来了。我感谢上帝守护你。随后她把火发在你的婚装上，那也许使她朦胧地记起了自己当新娘的日子，至于还可能发生什么，我不忍心再回想了，当我想起早上扑向我喉咙的东西，想起它把又黑又红的脸凑向我宝贝的窝里时，我的血凝结了--" "And what, sir," I asked, while he paused, "did you do when you hadsettled her here? Where did you go?"" 那么，先生，"趁他顿住时我问，"你把她安顿在这里后，自己干了什么呢？你上哪儿去了" "What did I do, Jane? I transformed myself into a will-o'-the-wisp.Where did I go? I pursued wanderings as wild as those of the March-spirit. I sought the Continent, and went devious through all itslands. My fixed desire was to seek and find a good and intelligentwoman, whom I could love: a contrast to the fury I left atThornfield--"" 我干了什么吗，简？我让自己变成了一个形踪不定的人。我上哪儿去了？我像沼泽地的精灵那样东游西荡，去了欧洲大陆，迂回曲折穿越了那里所有的国家。我打定主意找一个我可以爱她的出色聪明的女人，与我留在桑菲尔德的泼妇恰成对比一一， "But you could not marry, sir."" 但你不能结婚，先生。" 
我决心而且深信我能够结婚，也应该结婚，我虽然己经骗了你，但欺骗不是我的初衷。我打算将自己的事儿坦诚相告，公开求婚。我应当被认为有爱和被爱的自由，在我看来这是绝对合理的。我从不怀疑能找到某个女人，愿意并理解我的处境，接纳我，尽管我背着该诅咒的包袱。" "Well, sir?"" 那么，先生？" "When you are inquisitive, Jane, you always make me smile. You openyour eyes like an eager bird, and make every now and then a restlessmovement, as if answers in speech did not flow fast enough for you,and you wanted to read the tablet of one's heart. But before I goon, tell me what you mean by your 'Well, sir?' It is a small phrasevery frequent with you; and which many a time has drawn me on and onthrough interminable talk: I don't very well know why."" 当你刨根究底时，简，你常常使我发笑。你像一只急切的小鸟那样张开眼睛，时而局促不安地动来动去，仿佛口头回答的语速太慢，你还想读一读人家心上的铭文。我往下说之前，告诉我你的'那么，先生？'是什么意思。这个小小的短语你经常挂在嘴边，很多次是它把我导入无休止的交谈，连我自己也不十分清楚究竟为什么？" "I mean,--What next? How did you proceed? What came of such anevent?"" 我的意思是--随后发生了什么？你怎么继续下去？这件事情后来怎样了？" "Precisely! and what do you wish to know now?"" 完全茹跑出了我的视线之外，我对你很生气。" 
你是否发现了一个你喜欢的人，是否求她嫁给你，她说了些什么。"
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