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罩在我头上的铁幕紧缩了起来。说服在稳健地步步进逼。我闭上眼睛，最后的几句话终于扫清了原先似乎已堵塞的道路。我所做的工作本来只是那么模模糊糊，零零碎碎，经他一说便显得简明扼要，经他亲手塑造便变得形态毕现了。他等候着回答。我要求他给我一刻钟思考，才能再冒昧地答复他。 "Very willingly," he rejoined; and rising, he strode a littledistance up the pass, threw himself down on a swell of heath, andthere lay still." 非常愿意，"他回答道。一边站了起来，快步朝隘口走了一小段路，猛地躺倒在一块隆起的欧石南地上，静静地躺着。 "I CAN do what he wants me to do: I am forced to see andacknowledge that," I meditated,--"that is, if life be spared me.But I feel mine is not the existence to be long protracted under anIndian sun. What then? He does not care for that: when my timecame to die, he would resign me, in all serenity and sanctity, tothe God who gave me. The case is very plain before me. In leavingEngland, I should leave a loved but empty land--Mr. Rochester is notthere; and if he were, what is, what can that ever be to me? Mybusiness is to live without him now: nothing so absurd, so weak asto drag on from day to day, as if I were waiting some impossiblechange in circumstances, which might reunite me to him. Of course(as St. John once said) I must seek another interest in life toreplace the one lost: is not the occupation he now offers me trulythe most glorious man can adopt or God assign? Is it not, by itsnoble cares and sublime results, the one best calculated to fill thevoid left by uptorn affections and demolished hopes? I believe Imust say, Yes--and yet I shudder. Alas! If I join St. John, Iabandon half myself: if I go to India, I go to premature death.And how will the interval between leaving England for India, andIndia for the grave, be filled? Oh, I know well! That, too, isvery clear to my vision. By straining to satisfy St. John till mysinews ache, I SHALL satisfy him--to the finest central point andfarthest outward circle of his expectations. If I DO go with him--if I DO make the sacrifice he urges, I will make it absolutely: Iwill throw all on the altar--heart, vitals, the entire victim. Hewill never love me; but he shall approve me; I will show himenergies he has not yet seen, resources he has never suspected.Yes, I can work as hard as he can, and with as little grudging." 我不得不看到并承认，我可以做他要我做的事，"我沉思起来，"如果能让我活命的话。但我觉得，在印度的太阳照射下，我活不了太久--那又怎么样呢？他又不在乎。我的死期来临时，他会平静而神圣地把我交付给创造了我的上帝。我面前的情况非常明白。离开英国，就是离开一块亲切而空荡的土地--罗切斯特先生不在这里。而即使他在，同我又有什么关系呢？现在我就是要没有他而活下去。没有比这么日复一日地苟延残喘更荒唐更软弱了，仿佛我在等待不可能发生的情况变化，从而把我和他连结在一起。当然（如圣.约翰曾说过的那样）我得在生活中寻找新的乐趣，来替代己经失去的。而他现在所建议的工作，岂不正是人所能接受，上帝所能赐予的最好的工作？从其高尚的目的和崇高的结果来看，岂不是最适合来填补撕裂的情感和毁灭的希望所留下的空白？我相信我必须说，是的--然而我浑身发抖了。哎呀！要是我跟着他，我就抛弃了我的一半。我去印度就是走向过早的死亡。而离开英国到印度和离开印度到坟墓之间的空隙，又是如何填补呢？我也看得清清楚楚。为了使圣.约翰满意，我会忙个不停，直弄得肌肉酸痛。我会使他满意--做得丝毫不辜负他的希望。要是我真的跟他去了--要是我真的作出他所怂恿的牺牲，那我会做得很彻底。我会把一切心灵和肉体--都扔到圣坛上，作出全部牺牲。他决不会爱我，但他会赞许我的做法。我会向他显示他尚未见过的能力和他从不表示怀疑的才智。不错，我会像他那样奋力工作，像他那样毫无怨言。" "Consent, then, to his demand is possible: but for one item--onedreadful item. It is--that he asks me to be his wife, and has nomore of a husband's heart for me than that frowning giant of a rock,down which the stream is foaming in yonder gorge. He prizes me as asoldier would a good weapon; and that is all. Unmarried to him,this would never grieve me; but can I let him complete hiscalculations--coolly put into practice his plans--go through thewedding ceremony? Can I receive from him the bridal ring, endureall the forms of love (which I doubt not he would scrupulouslyobserve) and know that the spirit was quite absent? Can I bear theconsciousness that every endearment he bestows is a sacrifice madeon principle? No: such a martyrdom would be monstrous. I willnever undergo it. As his sister, I might accompany him--not as hiswife: I will tell him so."" 那么有可能同意他的要求了，除了一条，可怕的一条。也就是他要我做他的妻子，而他那颗为丈夫的心，并不比那边峡谷中小溪泛起泡沫流过的阴沉的巨岩强多少。他珍视我就象士兵珍视一个好的武器，仅此而已。不同他结婚，这决不会使我担忧。可是我能使他如愿以偿--冷静地将计划付诸实践--举行婚礼吗？我能从他那儿得到婚戒，受到爱的一切礼遇（我不怀疑他会审慎地做到）而心里却明白完全缺乏心灵的交流？我能忍受他所给予的每份爱是对原则的一次牺牲这种意识吗？不，这样的殉道太可怕了。我决不能承受。我可以作为他的妹妹，而不是他的妻子来陪伴他，我一定要这么告诉他。" I looked towards the knoll: there he lay, still as a prostratecolumn; his face turned to me: his eye beaming watchful and keen.He started to his feet and approached me. 我朝土墩望去，他躺在那里，一动不动，像根倒地的柱子。他的脸朝着我，眼睛闪着警觉锐利的光芒。他猛地立起向我走来。 
我准备去印度，要是我可以自由自在地去。" "Your answer requires a commentary," he said; "it is not clear."" 你的回答需要解释一下，"他说，"不清楚。" "You have hitherto been my adopted brother--I, your adopted sister:let us continue as such: you and I had better not marry."" 你至今一直是我的义兄，而我是你的义妹。让我们这么过下去吧，你我还是不要结婚好。" He shook his head. "Adopted fraternity will not do in this case.If you were my real sister it would be different: I should takeyou, and seek no wife. But as it is, either our union must beconsecrated and sealed by marriage, or it cannot exist: practicalobstacles oppose themselves to any other plan. Do you not see it,Jane? Consider a moment--your strong sense will guide you." 他摇了摇头。"在这种情况下义兄义妹是行不通的。如果你是我的亲妹妹，那便是另外一回事了，我会带着你，而不另找妻子。而现在的情况是，我们的结合要么非得以婚姻来奉献和保证，要么这种结合就不能存在。现实的障碍不允许有其他打算。你难道没有看到这一点吗，简？考虑一下吧--你的坚强的理智会引导你。" I did consider; and still my sense, such as it was, directed me onlyto the fact that we did not love each other as man and wife should:and therefore it inferred we ought not to marry. I said so. "St.John," I returned, "I regard you as a brother--you, me as a sister:so let us continue." 我的确考虑了。我的理智虽然平庸，却替我指出了这样的事实：我们并没有象夫妻那么彼此相爱，因而断言我们不应当结婚。于是我这么说。"圣，约翰，"我回答，"我把你当作哥哥--你把我当作妹妹，就让我们这么继续下去吧。" 
我们不能--我们不能，"他毅然决然地回答，"这不行。你已经说过要同我一起去印度。记住--你说过这话。" "Conditionally."" 有条件的。" "Well--well. To the main point--the departure with me from England,the co-operation with me in my future labours--you do not object.You have already as good as put your hand to the plough: you aretoo consistent to withdraw it. You have but one end to keep inview--how the work you have undertaken can best be done. Simplifyyour complicated interests, feelings, thoughts, wishes, aims; mergeall considerations in one purpose: that of fulfilling with effect--with power--the mission of your great Master. To do so, you musthave a coadjutor: not a brother--that is a loose tie--but ahusband. I, too, do not want a sister: a sister might any day betaken from me. I want a wife: the sole helpmeet I can influenceefficiently in life, and retain absolutely till death."" 行呵--行呵。在关键的问题上--同我一起离开英国，在未来的工作中同我合作--你没有反对。你已经等于把你的手放在犁轭下了，你说话算数，不会缩回去。你面前只有一个目标--如何把你做的工作出色地做好，把你复杂的兴趣、情感、想法、愿望、目标弄得更单纯一点吧，把一切考虑汇成一个目的：全力以赴，有效地完成伟大的主的使命。要这么做，你得有个帮手--不是一个兄长，那样的关系太松散，而是一个丈夫。我也不需要一个妹妹。妹妹任何时候都可以从我身边带走。我要的是妻子，我生活中能施予有效影响的唯一伴侣，一直维持到死亡。" I shuddered as he spoke: I felt his influence in my marrow--hishold on my limbs. 他说话的时候我颤抖着。我感觉到他的影响透入我骨髓--他捆住了我的手脚。 "Seek one elsewhere than in me, St. John: seek one fitted to you."" 别在我身上动脑筋了，到别的地方找一个吧，圣.约翰。找一个适合你的。" 
你的意思是一个适合我目标的--适合我天职的。我再次告诉你，我不是作为微不足道的个人--一个带着自私自利观念的男人，而希望结婚的，却是作为一个传教士。" "And I will give the missionary my energies--it is all he wants--butnot myself: that would be only adding the husk and shell to thekernel. For them he has no use: I retain them."" 我会把我的精力献给传教士--他所需要的就是这个--而不是我本人。我对于他来说，无非等于是把果壳加到果仁上，而他并不需要果壳一类的东西：我要把它们保留着。" "You cannot--you ought not. Do you think God will be satisfied withhalf an oblation? Will He accept a mutilated sacrifice? It is thecause of God I advocate: it is under His standard I enlist you. Icannot accept on His behalf a divided allegiance: it must beentire."" 你不能--也不应该。你想上帝会对半心半意的献身表示满意吗？他会接受部份的牺牲吗？我所拥护的是上帝的事业，我是把你招募到他的旗帜下的。我不能代表上帝接受三心二意的忠诚，非得死心塌地不可。" "Oh! I will give my heart to God," I said. "YOU do not want it."" 呵！我会把我的心交给上帝，"我说，"你并不需要它。" I will not swear, reader, that there was not something of repressedsarcasm both in the tone in which I uttered this sentence, and inthe feeling that accompanied it. I had silently feared St. Johntill now, because I had not understood him. He had held me in awe,because he had held me in doubt. How much of him was saint, howmuch mortal, I could not heretofore tell: but revelations werebeing made in this conference: the analysis of his nature wasproceeding before my eyes. I saw his fallibilities: I comprehendedthem. I understood that, sitting there where I did, on the bank ofheath, and with that handsome form before me, I sat at the feet of aman, caring as I. The veil fell from his hardness and despotism.Having felt in him the presence of these qualities, I felt hisimperfection and took courage. I was with an equal--one with whom Imight argue--one whom, if I saw good, I might resist. 读者呵，我不能保证我说这句话的语气和伴随着的感情里，有没有一种克制的嘲弄。我向来默默地惧怕圣.约翰，因为我不了解他。他使我感到敬畏，因为总能让我吃不准。他身上有多少属于圣人，有多少属于凡人，我一直难以分辨。但这次谈话却给了我启示，在我眼皮底下展开着对他本性的剖析。我看到了他的错误，并有所理解。我明白，我坐在欧石南岸边那个漂亮的身躯后面时，我是坐在一个同我一样有错的男人跟前。面罩从他冷酷和专横的面孔上落下。我一旦觉得他身上存在着这些品质，便感到他并非完美无缺了，因而也就鼓起了勇气。我与一位同等的人在一起--我可以与他争辩--如果认为妥当，还可以抗拒。
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