名著·简.爱 - 第158节

　　就说一句话，简，你前一阵子呆的地方光有女士吗？"

I laughed and made my escape, still laughing as I ran upstairs. "Agood idea!" I thought with glee. "I see I have the means offretting him out of his melancholy for some time to come."

　　我大笑着抽身走掉了，跑上楼梯还笑个不停。"好主意！"我快活地想道。"我看以后的日子我有办法让他急得忘掉忧郁了。"

Very early the next morning I heard him up and astir, wandering fromone room to another. As soon as Mary came down I heard thequestion: "Is Miss Eyre here?" Then: "Which room did you put herinto? Was it dry? Is she up? Go and ask if she wants anything;and when she will come down."

　　第二天一早，我听见他起来走动了，从一个房间摸到另一个房间。玛丽一下楼，我就听见他问："爱小姐在这儿吗？"接着又问："你把她安排在哪一间？里面干燥吗？她起来了吗？去问问是不是需要什么，什么时候下来？"

I came down as soon as I thought there was a prospect of breakfast.Entering the room very softly, I had a view of him before hediscovered my presence. It was mournful, indeed, to witness thesubjugation of that vigorous spirit to a corporeal infirmity. Hesat in his chair--still, but not at rest: expectant evidently; thelines of now habitual sadness marking his strong features. Hiscountenance reminded one of a lamp quenched, waiting to be re-lit--and alas! it was not himself that could now kindle the lustre ofanimated expression: he was dependent on another for that office!I had meant to be gay and careless, but the powerlessness of thestrong man touched my heart to the quick: still I accosted him withwhat vivacity I could.

　　我一想到还有一顿早餐，便下楼去了。我轻手轻脚进了房间，他还没有发现我，我就已瞧见他了。说实在目睹那么生龙活虎的人沦为一个恹恹的弱者，真让人心酸。他坐在椅子上--虽然一动不动，却并不安分，显然在企盼着。如今，习惯性的愁容，己镌刻在他富有特色的脸庞上。他的面容令人想起一盏熄灭了的灯，等待着再度点亮--唉！现在他自己已无力恢复生气勃勃、光彩照人的表情了，不得不依赖他人来完成。我本想显得高高兴兴、无忧无虑，但是这个强者那么无能为力的样子，使我心碎了。不过我还是尽可能轻松愉快地跟他打了招呼：

"It is a bright, sunny morning, sir," I said. "The rain is over andgone, and there is a tender shining after it: you shall have a walksoon.""

　　是个明亮晴朗的早晨呢，先生，"我说。"雨过天晴，你很快可以去走走了。"

　　我已唤醒了那道亮光，他顿时容光焕发了。

"Oh, you are indeed there, my skylark! Come to me. You are notgone: not vanished? I heard one of your kind an hour ago, singinghigh over the wood: but its song had no music for me, any more thanthe rising sun had rays. All the melody on earth is concentrated inmy Jane's tongue to my ear (I am glad it is not naturally a silentone): all the sunshine I can feel is in her presence.""

　　呵，你真的还在，我的云雀！上我这儿来。你没有走，没有飞得无影无踪呀？一小时之前，我听见你的一个同类在高高的树林里歌唱，可是对我来说，它的歌声没有音乐，就像初升的太阳没有光芒。凡我能听到的世间美妙的音乐，都集中在简的舌头上，凡我能感开到的阳光，都全聚在她身上。"

The water stood in my eyes to hear this avowal of his dependence;just as if a royal eagle, chained to a perch, should be forced toentreat a sparrow to become its purveyor. But I would not belachrymose: I dashed off the salt drops, and busied myself withpreparing breakfast.

　　听完他表示对别人的依赖，我不禁热泪盈眶。他仿佛是被链条锁在栖木上的一头巨鹰，竟不得不企求一只麻雀为它觅食。不过，我不喜欢哭哭啼啼，抹掉带咸味的眼泪，便忙着去准备早餐了。

Most of the morning was spent in the open air. I led him out of thewet and wild wood into some cheerful fields: I described to him howbrilliantly green they were; how the flowers and hedges lookedrefreshed; how sparklingly blue was the sky. I sought a seat forhim in a hidden and lovely spot, a dry stump of a tree; nor did Irefuse to let him, when seated, place me on his knee. Why should I,when both he and I were happier near than apart? Pilot lay besideus: all was quiet. He broke out suddenly while clasping me in hisarms -

　　大半个早上是在户外度过的。我领着他走出潮湿荒凉的林子，到了令人心旷怡艳的田野。我向他描绘田野多么苍翠耀眼，花朵和树篱多么生气盎然，天空又多么湛蓝闪亮。我在一个隐蔽可爱的地方，替他找了个座位，那是一个干枯的树桩。坐定以后，我没有拒绝他把我放到他膝头上。既然他和我都觉得紧挨着比分开更愉快，那我又何必要拒绝呢？派洛特躺在我们旁边，四周一片寂静。他正把我紧紧地楼在怀里时突然嚷道：

"Cruel, cruel deserter! Oh, Jane, what did I feel when I discoveredyou had fled from Thornfield, and when I could nowhere find you;and, after examining your apartment, ascertained that you had takenno money, nor anything which could serve as an equivalent! A pearlnecklace I had given you lay untouched in its little casket; yourtrunks were left corded and locked as they had been prepared for thebridal tour. What could my darling do, I asked, left destitute andpenniless? And what did she do? Let me hear now.""

　　狠心呀，狠心的逃跑者！呵，简，我发现你出走桑菲尔德，而又到处找不着你，细看了你的房间，断定你没有带钱，或者当钱派用处的东西，我心里是多么难受呀！我送你的一根珍珠项链，原封不动地留在小盒子里。你的箱子捆好了上了锁，像原先准备结婚旅行时一样。我自问，我的宝贝成了穷光蛋，身边一个子儿也没有，她该怎么办呢？她干了些什么呀？现在讲给我听听吧。"

　　于是在他的敦促之下，我开始叙述去年的经历了。我大大淡化了三天的流浪和挨饿的情景，因为把什么都告诉他，只会增加他不必要的痛苦。但是我确实告诉他的一丁点儿，也撕碎了他那颗忠实的心，其严重程度超出了我的预料。

I should not have left him thus, he said, without any means ofmaking my way: I should have told him my intention. I should haveconfided in him: he would never have forced me to be his mistress.Violent as he had seemed in his despair, he, in truth, loved me fartoo well and too tenderly to constitute himself my tyrant: he wouldhave given me half his fortune, without demanding so much as a kissin return, rather than I should have flung myself friendless on thewide world. I had endured, he was certain, more than I hadconfessed to him.

　　他说，我不应该两手空空地离开他，我应该把我的想法跟他说说。我应当同他推心置腹，他决不会强迫我做他的情妇。尽管他绝望时性情暴烈，但事实上，他爱我至深至亲，绝不会变成我的暴君。与其让我把自己举目无亲地抛向茫茫人世，他宁愿送我一半财产，而连吻一下作为回报的要求都不提。他确信，我所忍受的比我说给他听的要严重得多。

"Well, whatever my sufferings had been, they were very short," Ianswered: and then I proceeded to tell him how I had been receivedat Moor House; how I had obtained the office of schoolmistress, &c.The accession of fortune, the discovery of my relations, followed indue order. Of course, St. John Rivers' name came in frequently inthe progress of my tale. When I had done, that name was immediatelytaken up."

　　嗯，我受的苦再多，时间都不长。"我回答。随后我告诉他如何被接纳进沼泽居；如何得到教师的职位，以及获得财产，发现亲戚等，按时间顺序，--叙述。当然随着故事的进展，圣.约翰.里弗斯的名字频频出现。我一讲完自己的经历，这个名字便立即提出来了。

"This St. John, then, is your cousin?""

　　那么，这位圣.约翰是你的表兄了？"

"Yes.""

　　是的，"

　　你常常提到他，你喜欢他吗？"

"He was a very good man, sir; I could not help liking him.""

　　他是个大好人，先生，我不能不喜欢他。"

"A good man. Does that mean a respectable well-conducted man offifty? Or what does it mean?""

　　一个好人？那意思是不是一个体面而品行好的五十岁男人？不然那是什么意思？"

"St John was only twenty-nine, sir.""

　　圣.约翰只有二十九岁，先生。"

"'Jeune encore,' as the French say. Is he a person of low stature, phlegmatic, and plain. A person whose goodness consists rather inhis guiltlessness of vice, than in his prowess in virtue.""Jeune encore

　　，"就像法国人说的。"他是个矮小、冷淡、平庸的人吗？是不是那种长处在于没有过错，而不是德行出众的人？"