目 录 上一节 下一节 
要是我有地方去,我是乐意走的。可是不等到长大成人我休想摆脱盖茨黑德。" "Perhaps you may--who knows? Have you any relations besides Mrs.Reed?"" 也许可以--谁知道?除了里德太太,你还有别的亲戚吗?" "I think not, sir."" 我想没有了,先生。" "None belonging to your father?"" 你父亲那头也没有了吗?" "I don't know. I asked Aunt Reed once, and she said possibly Imight have some poor, low relations called Eyre, but she knewnothing about them."" 我不知道,有一回我问过舅妈,她说可能有些姓爱的亲戚,人又穷,地位又低,她对他们的情况一无所知。" 
要是有这样的亲戚,你愿意去吗?" I reflected. Poverty looks grim to grown people; still more so tochildren: they have not much idea of industrious, working,respectable poverty; they think of the word only as connected withragged clothes, scanty food, fireless grates, rude manners, anddebasing vices: poverty for me was synonymous with degradation. 我陷入了沉思,在成年人看来贫困显得冷酷无情,孩子则尤其如此。至于勤劳刻苦、令人钦敬的贫困,孩子们不甚了了。在他们心目中,这个字眼始终与衣衫槛褴褛、食品匿乏、壁炉无火、行为粗鲁以及低贱的恶习联系在一起。对我来说,贫困就是堕落的别名。 "No; I should not like to belong to poor people," was my reply." 不,我不愿与穷人为伍,"这就是我的回答。 "Not even if they were kind to you?"" 即使他们待你很好也不愿意?" I shook my head: I could not see how poor people had the means ofbeing kind; and then to learn to speak like them, to adopt theirmanners, to be uneducated, to grow up like one of the poor women Isaw sometimes nursing their children or washing their clothes at thecottage doors of the village of Gateshead: no, I was not heroicenough to purchase liberty at the price of caste. 我摇了摇头,不明白穷人怎么会有条件对人仁慈,更不说我还得学他们的言谈举止,同他们一样没有文化,长大了像有时见到的那种贫苦女人一样,坐在盖茨黑德府茅屋门口,奶孩子或者搓洗衣服。不,我可没有那样英雄气概,宁愿抛却身份来换取自由。 
但是你的亲戚就那么穷,都是靠干活过日子的么?" "I cannot tell; Aunt. Reed says if I have any, they must be abeggarly set: I should not like to go a begging."" 我说不上来。里德舅妈说,要是我有亲戚,也准是一群要饭的,我可不愿去要饭。" "Would you like to go to school?"" 你想上学吗?" Again I reflected: I scarcely knew what school was: Bessiesometimes spoke of it as a place where young ladies sat in thestocks, wore backboards, and were expected to be exceedingly genteeland precise: John Reed hated his school, and abused his master; butJohn Reed's tastes were no rule for mine, and if Bessie's accountsof school-discipline (gathered from the young ladies of a familywhere she had lived before coming to Gateshead) were somewhatappalling, her details of certain accomplishments attained by thesesame young ladies were, I thought, equally attractive. She boastedof beautiful paintings of landscapes and flowers by them executed;of songs they could sing and pieces they could play, of purses theycould net, of French books they could translate; till my spirit wasmoved to emulation as I listened. Besides, school would be acomplete change: it implied a long journey, an entire separationfrom Gateshead, an entrance into a new life. 我再次沉思起来。我几乎不知道学校是什么样子。光听贝茜有时说起过,那个地方,年轻女子带足枷坐着,戴着脊骨矫正板,还非得要十分文雅和规矩才行。约翰·里德对学校恨之入骨,还大骂教师。不过他的感受不足为凭。如果贝茜关于校纪的说法(她来盖茨黑德之前,从她主人家一些年轻小姐那儿收集来的)有些骇人听闻,那么她细说的关于那些小姐所学得的才艺,我想也同样令人神往。她绘声绘色地谈起了她们制作的风景画和花卉画;谈起了她们能唱的歌,能弹的曲,能编织的钱包,能翻译的法文书,一直谈得我听着听着就为之心动,跃跃欲试。更何况上学也是彻底变换环境,意味着一次远行,意味着同盖茨黑德完全决裂,意味着踏上新的生活旅程。 "I should indeed like to go to school," was the audible conclusionof my musings." 我真的愿意去上学,"这是我三思之后轻声说出的结论。 
唉,唉,谁知道会发生什么呢?"劳埃德先生立起身来说。"这孩子应当换换空气,换换地方,"他自言自语地补充说,"神经不很好。" Bessie now returned; at the same moment the carriage was heardrolling up the gravel-walk. 这时,贝茜回来了,同时听得见砂石路上响起了滚滚而来的马车声。 "Is that your mistress, nurse?" asked Mr. Lloyd. "I should like tospeak to her before I go."" 是你们太太吗,保姆?"劳埃德先生问道。"走之前我得跟她谈一谈。" Bessie invited him to walk into the breakfast-room, and led the wayout. In the interview which followed between him and Mrs. Reed, Ipresume, from after-occurrences, that the apothecary ventured torecommend my being sent to school; and the recommendation was nodoubt readily enough adopted; for as Abbot said, in discussing thesubject with Bessie when both sat sewing in the nursery one night,after I was in bed, and, as they thought, asleep, "Missis was, shedared say, glad enough to get rid of such a tiresome, ill-conditioned child, who always looked as if she were watchingeverybody, and scheming plots underhand." Abbot, I think, gave mecredit for being a sort of infantine Guy Fawkes. 贝茜请他进早餐室,并且领了路。从以后发生的情况推测,药剂师在随后与里德太太的会见中,大胆建议送我进学校。无疑,这个建议被欣然采纳了。一天夜里,艾博特和贝茜坐在保育室里,做着针钱活儿,谈起了这件事。那时,我已经上床,她们以为我睡着了。艾博特说:"我想太太一定巴不得摆脱这样一个既讨厌、品质又不好的孩子,她那样子就好像眼睛老盯着每个人,暗地里在搞什么阴谋似的。"我想艾博特准相信我是幼年的盖伊·福克斯式人物了。 On that same occasion I learned, for the first time, from MissAbbot's communications to Bessie, that my father had been a poorclergyman; that my mother had married him against the wishes of herfriends, who considered the match beneath her; that my grandfatherReed was so irritated at her disobedience, he cut her off without ashilling; that after my mother and father had been married a year,the latter caught the typhus fever while visiting among the poor ofa large manufacturing town where his curacy was situated, and wherethat disease was then prevalent: that my mother took the infectionfrom him, and both died within a month of each other. 就是这一回,我从艾博特与贝茜的文谈中第一次获悉,我父亲生前是个牧师,我母亲违背了朋友们的意愿嫁给了他,他们认为这桩婚事有失她的身份。我的外祖父里德,因为我母亲不听话而勃然大怒,一气之下同她断绝了关系,没留给她一个子儿。我父母亲结婚才一年,父亲染上了斑疹伤寒,因为他奔走于副牧师供职地区、一个大工业城镇的穷人中间,而当时该地流行着斑疹伤寒。我母亲从父亲那儿染上了同一疾病,结果父母双双故去,前后相距下到一个月。 
贝茜听了这番话便长叹一声说:"可怜的简小姐也是值得同情呐,艾博特。" "Yes," responded Abbot; "if she were a nice, pretty child, one mightcompassionate her forlornness; but one really cannot care for such alittle toad as that."" 是呀,"艾博特回答,"她若是漂亮可爱,人家倒也会可怜她那么孤苦伶仃的,可是像她那样的小东西,实在不讨人喜欢。" "Not a great deal, to be sure," agreed Bessie: "at any rate, abeauty like Miss Georgiana would be more moving in the samecondition."" 确实不大讨人喜欢,"贝茜表示同意,"至少在同样处境下,乔治亚娜这样的美人儿会更惹人喜爱。" "Yes, I doat on Miss Georgiana!" cried the fervent Abbot. "Littledarling!--with her long curls and her blue eyes, and such a sweetcolour as she has; just as if she were painted!--Bessie, I couldfancy a Welsh rabbit for supper."" 是呀,我就是喜欢乔治亚娜小姐!"狂热的艾博特嚷道,"真是个小宝贝--长长的卷发,蓝蓝的眼睛,还有那么可爱的肤色,简直像画出来的一股!--贝茜,晚餐我真想吃威尔士兔子。" "So could I--with a roast onion. Come, we'll go down." They went." 我也一样--外加烤洋葱。来吧,我们下楼去。"她们走了。 
我同劳埃德先生的一番交谈,以及上回所述贝茜和艾博特之间的议论,使我信心倍增,动力十足,盼着自己快些好起来。看来,某种变动已近在眼前,我默默地期待着。然而,它迟迟未来。一天天、一周周过去了、我已体健如旧,但我朝思暮想的那件事,却并没有重新提起。里德太太有时恶狠狠地打量我,但很少理睬我。自我生病以来,她已把我同她的孩子截然分开,指定我独自睡一个小房间,罚我单独用餐,整天呆在保育室里,而我的表兄妹们却经常在客厅玩耍。她没有丝毫暗示要送我上学,但我有一种很有把握的直觉,她不会长期容忍我与她同在一个屋檐下生活。因为她把目光投向我时,眼神里越来越表露出一种无法摆脱、根深蒂固的厌恶。
|